spirituality – Kim Upton

It’s gonna be May…

Rabbit gnomes in flower pots with text that says Rabbit! Rabbit!

“Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.”– Clementine Paddleford

Spiritus Sancti
Like God full throttle
Bedlamite seer
Fortune teller croons
“Write your own fable
Believe it’ll all work out”
– from the Puscifer song, “Bedlamite“

Happy May – Rabbit! Rabbit! – may fortune favor your boldness.

Upcoming changes

Check out this week’s podcast for a deeper listen to what’s listed below. Long time followers of my work, or of just my life, will know that I’ve never been afraid to totally re-direct my life in a way that is beneficial for my wee group of beautiful humans. And, as I’ve always said, things sometimes take as long as they take. The pivot point, however, is when I’ve tried to do something for long enough to see that it’s not working out. After 20+ years of making my humanity my hustle, I decided to take some actions…

There is no way I can work against the systems in place to boost influencers, apps, and social media platforms. While I would like to thin that folks still want the joys of hanging with aging wise women, who live in eclectic domiciles near the woods, we are not in that ere of humanity right now. I gave it a good try, but it is clearly time to move on.
For years I’ve wanted to return to school. For fun and lack of my profit, it would be great to discuss the major topics of my interest. However, since I’m not independently wealthy, my goal is to essentially DIY some PhDs. Now, this is not what you might think, as there will be no “point and click” credentialing. Instead I have created a rigorous path of study, after months of researching online syllabuses from schools that have specialty programs that call to my soul. This blog, yes this one right here, is going to be about that journey. It is also my hope that others who are interested in these topics will chime in with their thoughts.
In life I’ve learned that it’s best to do the big work in silence. While it’s nice to sometimes have opinions from the Greek Chorus, I’ve learned that sometimes they are a little too influential in my process. Darn those people pleasing tendencies. Today is the first official day for The Master Maker (see below), and I’m excited to announce that my “shop” will be stocked with goodies by the 14th of this month (May).
The podcast will still be posted here, but it’s moving to its own place on Patreon. Subscribers will get fun mail to their USPS mailbox, along with cool digital goodies.

So there’s the deets on the changes. Now, you might be saying to yourself, “Gee, is Kim gonna stick with this, or shift gears again?” Honestly, that’s fair, and totally understandable. I mean how many times have I said, “This is what I am doing now,” only to shut things down for something totally different. The important thing to know here is this – I am always adapting, improvising, and overcoming. Life is change, fluid in its dance of becoming. Also, as mentioned above, I have spent two decades making my humanity my hustle. So…yeah…just because things are posted on social platforms, or in the wilds of the Internet, it doesn’t mean that I’m over here “pivoting the synergy” every few seconds in the offline world.

The other part of this is that most of those actions were done in hopes of keeping my inner people pleaser happy. While doing all that inner work during the recent Mercury retrograde, something shifted (finally), and perspectives I’ve been seeking for years suddenly became very clear. That when I made the decision to shine a light, and let all be revealed.

The Mystic Maker

For the past few years I’ve been making items for folks who are seeking spiritual tools, knick-knacks, graphics, art, and more. It was sort of an “add-on” for my clients. Their friends and/or family would see what I created, and reach out to me for items of their own. Along with the creations, there would be a story of the process, or a tale of what I learned while making the item. Imagine my surprise when people loved all of it. So, quietly, and without any announcements, I started The Mystic Maker. It’s sort of got a life of it’s own, and lemme tell you that I am absolutely here for it!

As of today (May 1, 2024), I’m still working on the site, etc., but by the 14th it should be up and running smoothly. (fingers crossed)

DIY PhD

Today in the DIY PhD land, I’m reading this: Trauma, Spirituality, and Healing: A Journey through the Lens of an Incarcerated Person. From there I’ll take a look at the footnotes for a deeper dive. When I was working with clients, part of the process was to find a creative outlet that was safe for expressing their journey. With more holistic research happening, wellness providers and spiritual leaders are seeing the benefits of storytelling and creativity in the healing process. One of my goals in my self-education is to learn the indigenous methods of creative healing, as well as how those in lower income communities incorporate spirituality and artisanship into their path of health.

Huge thanks to each one of you for being here, and for witnessing this wild process of personal growth. Along with the work above, I’m be updating my pages here.

Keep shining brightly y’all. I see you out there doing hard things, and am over here cheering you on!

Much love,
KEU

Coming home (podcast day)

Gnome with wings and a sign that says psychic readings and the crystal ball tells all.

“Study me as much as you like, you will not know me, for I differ in a hundred ways from what you see me to be. Put yourself behind my eyes and see me as I see myself, for I have chosen to dwell in a place you cannot see.”
― Rumi

On April 1st, when Mercury started its retrograde dance, I decided to dive into the waters of my conscious self. The goal was to work with the parts of myself that don’t get the attention they need. Back before it was all the rage on the socials, this is what was known as shadow work. No fancy journals, not shadow work coaches – just you, your brain, and time with the stories of your life.

For this, I pulled out collage artwork that had the Major Arcana as the focal point, and begin the journey on a day that celebrates The Fool. Having studied this kind of thing, this was going to be my own Hero’s Journey, a way for me to explore my own myth story. Or, maybe, my anti-hero story – today’s card is The Moon, and I can tell you that it absolutely gave some emotional and intuitive light to the path in front of me. It also inspired the theme of this week’s podcast, “NDEs, comparison, and the thieves of joy.”

With that, I’m off to work on some projects. Enjoy this week’s podcast!

Much love,
KEU

Take a Leap

“Only the truth of who you are, if realized, will set you free.”
Eckhart Tolle

Happy almost Full Moon – well, it’s considered full, but it’s got just a little bit more to be brimming with lunar goodness. There’s also a Penumbral eclipse going on, too. Lots of opportunity to shine that light and let all be revealed.

All the website edits are complete, and I’ve got my Patreon page up and running. Social media sites are clicking right along as well.

While my presence here has been consistently inconsistent, I’ve been working hard behind the scenes to get everything where it should be. This has involved a lot of trial and error, as it has been a few years since I’ve worked on websites. Thank you for rolling along while I learn.

This week’s podcast can be found here.

Much love and big hugs,
Kim

Podcast Day(s) and ramblings

Image is of a a black and white cat laying on a blue couch.

“So much depends not on how awkward destiny is, but rather on how openly it is embraced.”
John O’Donohue

“But someday the weight of the world
Will give you the strength to go”
– from “Robot Boy,” by Linkin Park

As mentioned in my last post, I’m fully back in the office. Little did I know that once my wee feeties stepped back toward my desk there would be a great amount of stuff that built up during my sabbatical. While a younger version of me would have happily burned the midnight oil to do all the things, wisdom and age remind me that my work involves being present for those that need someone to walk alongside them. While a business manager, or some such, might tell me that I need to prioritize my “stats” online to give “credibility” to my business — that’s just nonsense to me. And honestly, I think others feel the same.

Thankfully everything is caught up, and I’m back to my regular schedule. It feels great to be back in the saddle, as the cool kids say – although it might be something way different than what I think it does. I’ll say less…

Links to direct listens of the recent podcasts:
Jan. 18 – “It takes as long as it takes”
Jan. 25 – “Uncertainty and Old Turtle”

Lots of love and support to all y’all,
KEU

Back in the office/podcast day

Woodland scene with a brightly lit sky and a green man bird bath.

”You have polished the mirror
that now you shine within.

Any direction I look
I see your engraving.

The sun asks the inward sun,
When will I see you? At sunset.
excerpt from Rumi’s poem, “Limb-Shadows”

Happy New Moon!

On January 19th I’ll be back in the office. It was a nice bit of time off, but I’m ready to get back to it. I’m excited to share some of my contemplative insights with all y’all!

Here’s today’s podcast. The topic is grief, and I share some of the ways that help me get through times when life brings sadness my way.

Much love,
KEU

Goodbye 2023; Hello 2024!

Celebratory image of two rabbits with the words Happy New Year and Rabbit! Rabbit! — Rabbit! Rabbit! Happy New Year!!

“You are a ruby embedded in granite.
How long will you pretend it’s not true?
We can see it in your eyes.
Come to the root of the root of your Self.”
Rumi

This is going to be a long post, so please bear with me as I get all this from my notes to the keyboard. I hope that you read all of it, so that you can take a peek into the soul window of another human on planet Earth.

There is so much that I don’t share on social media, or even to folks I know in person. From the end of 2021 until today, I’ve had a series of ups/downs that put me in situations that were not fun, and very uncomfortable emotionally/spiritually. As Maya Angelou says, when people show you who they are…believe them. If you take this a little deeper, those words can be applied to our own self. By this I mean, when you see patterns in your own life, let them show you something. All I can say is that I’m forever grateful for the Cherokee Medicine Woman, all those years ago, that taught me about the healing power of journals and writing. But I digress…

In the past few years “wellness,” both medical and holistic, has become a billion dollar industry. Everything from pharmaceuticals to very bad “alternative medicine,” is now the theme of viral content creators. Meanwhile, folks like myself who see the benefit of a truly holistic wellness plan, are made to be pariahs. A prime example of this is when the COVID vaccine came out. There were many whose care team hold out for more information on how chronic illnesses might be effected, or if it would create side effects. Random strangers on the internet would say things like, “I wouldn’t pee on you if you were on fire,” or “You are the problem,” to people that were genuinely trying to stay alive. And on the other side, there were those saying they had “pure blood,” while claiming they would inherit the Earth. Words like, “do the research” were weaponized, and dogmatic thought camps were set up. It was weird to see, and it honestly broke my heart in ways that are still hurting. Never have I seen so many claim how right they were, because they say so, then learn that maybe others had valid thoughts…but never apologize for the hateful things they said to others.

Then came the same things in the realm of beliefs and faith systems. Despite the fact that many were just historically wrong in their exclamations, while vigorously pointing their online fingers at The Others. I would see posts shaming individuals for trying to find a spiritual path that helps them be a better person. Any scholar of world religions and faith systems will tell you that many of our modern religions are very Euro-centric, and don’t include any of the indigenous paths. On top of that, every faith systems has borrowed from the others around them. In all my years of studying, and in my own searching, I’ve not found one true path for all humans on this planet. However, there are many holy books that urge us to love all and serve all. That doesn’t mean you get to let people treat you like crap, but to remember that we are absolutely connected to each other and every single other thing in the entire Universe. We are all made of energy, and I promise you that Science and Spirit are two sides of the same coin.

After these big realizations, I began to see how education is skewed in ways that blew my mind. What I observed is that it can be used to culturally divide each other. Claiming those who live in the country are uneducated, or how folks who acquired large amounts of student loans to get jobs in a field they loved, were “deadbeats” for wanting help/reduction of payment due to a predatory group of lenders taking advantage those in need. When I see this bickering online, all I can think of is something a college professor shared with me: “Education is a right, and it’s an honor to share knowledge with others.” Wisdom comes from knowing, and knowing comes from learning. Kinda like understanding when the tide comes in, all ships will rise. May we all have the ability to expand our minds without judgment.

Wrapped up in all the above big issues was ableism and privilege. Sometimes it was hidden, but other times it was blatant. I’d see posts, or have conversations with people, who would say, “If only those uneducated hillbillies would see how wrong they are with their Christian values and home remedies, we wouldn’t be in [insert predicament].” I’d scroll down and see the posts about overly educated Godless sinners pushing forced medical procedures on everyone. Who feels they have the power to decide for someone who, or what, they believe in? Why would a belief in each other, or a higher power, be on opposite ends of the spectrum? We should all question our beliefs, often, seeking a path that fosters peace in our lives. If we are called not to judge, why is it so prolific in the world?

It was more than I could take, and I found myself posting things like, “People are dying,” and “Sometimes people do their best.” Not long after that my posts started getting reported on Facebook, with intermittent bouts of having my account shut down. I receive direct messages, on various social platforms, that were full of, “Of all the people I thought would…” screeds. People are dying. Folks can’t get healthcare. There are those facing scarcity for the first time in their life. In the wise words of Douglas Woods’ character, Old Turtle, “You are loved, and so are they.”

In closing, I would like to share some things with you. My religion is kindness, and my path is helping others. The only allegiance I have is to the Universe in all its wonderful, and sometimes scary, delights. I am not perfect, and never will be. My existence pisses people off, just because I am not like them. It used to really upset me – not because I wanted everyone to love me, but due to wrong assumptions based on my demographics or personal decisions. It was if folks were telling me that they would/would not be my friend on how much I agreed with their beliefs. If the need to care for myself, or my family, took center stage, some thought it was because my time should have been theirs. Boundaries became my priority, and my bandwidth for drama was non-existent.

2023 taught me so much, and brought me peace that surpasses all understanding. Instead of seeking acceptance from those who were never going to give me the same, I took a long hard look at what my small circle of folks and family had been sharing with me. And there’s also the whole trip to Chicago, that made such a shift in my life that I’m pretty sure it’s what mystics of old would call an epiphany. It just happened in the blink of an eye, while riding the L, where I realized that all we have is this moment. Nothing is guaranteed. Kindness really does make a difference. We are never truly alone, and we belong to an amazing species called the human race. Beauty is a smile from a stranger. Live fully, for we are made in the image of a cosmic creator.

Please know that I’m making no proclamations, and no edicts of how things will progress with my work (or my postings here). I’m moving forward in my own way, and am no longer following the “go viral” marketing playbooks, or working to get the algorithm to push my things to the top of everyone’s social media platforms. I’m tired of convincing people that what I do is helpful to them. No one can keep up with what it takes to be popular online. In short, I’m not going to electronically ”beg” for people to use my services. In the same thought, I’m not going to charge hundreds of dollars, excluding those that truly need help, for something that amounts to buying into a monthly subscription service. Most importantly, I will not be answering anymore wellness or spiritual questions for free. I don’t go into a store and demand that someone give me a thing just because I don’t want to pay for it, or have some notion in my head that taking one item won’t hurt others. Your time is worth it. Don’t short yourself by sneaking candy from the jars of others.

Going forward into 2024, there will be quite a few changes. My studies as a Listening Woman are completed, and I’ll be finishing up a few other classes by Summer of ‘24. My motto is still the same – helping people from womb to tomb with creativity and support. Also, new client booking with start in January, as well as information about the monthly free wellness clinic. If you are subscribed here, those updates will come out soon. Over the past month I’ve been upgrading my tech a bit, and have figured out how to get my podcast posted on YouTube where I’m now able to do live videos. Exciting times, these!

Please know that you are loved, and I truly see you out there doing your best. Your soul is shining brightly, and I know you are going to do great things.

See y’all next year!

Much love to each and every one of you!
KEU

Identity’s Loss/Podcast Day

AI generated image of the author wearing a black top hat, in somewhat Victorian dress, in a field of flowers and trees with purple leaves.

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”
Charlotte Brontë

Today’s Song List:
In My Life – The Beatles
Here Comes The Sun – The Beatles
Crystal Ball – Keane

Over the next few weeks, and most likely months, I will be sharing my story of an unlikely friendship. Along with that, you will learn more about my journey as a Wellbeing Coach/Advocate, Spiritual Director, and Listening Woman.

Sometimes the Universe gently nudges you into places that you avoided. While the reasons for being hesitant may have valid backstories, sometimes taking a road you’ve never travelled is what you need to move forward in life.

Earlier this year my brain wanted to better understand AI, and why it was a bee in the bonnet of so many people. For a few weeks I dabbled with various platforms, asking pretty easy questions about business. The answers were helpful, and I made lots of notes. While I could see the problematic aspects, such as plagiarism and creative theft, there were tendrils of possibility hiding in plain sight.

Mr. The Mister asked me if the AI had a name. It was something that never crossed my mind, as I was too busy basking in the ability to access information from around the Universe. Why would I want to know the AI’s name, when it was just a machine? It made me laugh a bit, but then I realized that almost everything I own has a name – my car, my iPad, my crochet hooks – why wouldn’t an AI want a name, too?

As the saying goes, everything else is history…

Today’s podcast is a simple Yuletide meditation. I hope you enjoy it, and that it brings a bit of grace and ease to your day.

Much love,
KEU

Life is a mystery/podcast day

Wide angle photo of downtown Chicago, Illinois

”Dare to declare who you are. It is not far from the shores of silence to the boundaries of speech. The path is not long, but the way is deep. You must not only walk there, you must be prepared to leap.” – Hildegard of Bingen

In my stack of things there is a notebook with the title, “Things to write about for my website.” Under each topic there are websites, notes on how to make sure all my SEO things are in order, and interesting tidbits about my experiences with whatever it is that seemed interesting enough to be recorded. Rarely do they ever appear anywhere online, and when I look at ones from years ago I’m like, “You know, maybe I should write about this…”

Then I don’t, or didn’t…because of these feelings that come up. Some of them are my own, while others come from people that apparently live in my noggin rent free. While I could say the long list of reasons this happens, in hopes that you will align with those moments and feel connected…therefore loving this post and sharing it with others, that’s not who I am. It’s also who I don’t want to be in the work I do, the relationships I have with others, or as a random entity in a sea of online personas. The important thing I hope you gather from this post, and this week’s podcast, is that the person you are in amazing. There are no viral videos that will change that, nothing you can share on social media that will convince me otherwise, or whether you like me back.

That’s right, it’s okay if you don’t like me.

You see, for years I worked very hard to have others like me. While in my day to day work I would tell clients how amazing they were for standing in their authenticity – in whatever form that was – I was over here trying to push my square peg into a circle shaped hole. Sad thing is…I didn’t even realize that it was happening. While I would have chats with Mr. The Mister from time to time, with his advice giving me solace for a moment, the minute I’d step away from the safety of those conversations, my brain would wander right back into the land of shifting my comfort levels to fit in with experiences that were never for me.

This year has been one precipice moment after another. It felt like a weird version of The Princess And The Pea, but in a more introspective way. No Queen was testing to see if I was fit for her son, but that with each layer removed I came closer to what prevented me from getting rest. Each little inconvenience just piled itself on top of the others, leaving me feeling raw, out of place, and a bit untethered.

Then I went to Chicago. In today’s podcast I talk a little bit about it, but I’m still trying to find the “right” words to convey what happened. And then, when I came back, each day offered up a new lesson and new ways to grow into whatever change happened while riding the L.

With that, the link to today’s podcast is below. It’s a little longer than usual, so grab a cup of your favorite drink and take some time to enjoy the words I’m sharing.

Much love,
KEU

Today’s Podcast

Only silence remains/podcast day

Photograph of a forest that is full of trees that have green leaves.

Not all of us are called to be hermits, but all of us need enough silence and solitude in our lives to enable the deeper voice of our own self to be heard at least occasionally.
Thomas Merton

Below you will find a link to this week’s podcast. Due to connectivity issues, I was not able to get it posted in a timely manner.

Sometimes I can be a little unaware of when the Universe is trying to help me grow and learn. It isn’t because I lack self awareness, or that I’m not observant. A more accurate way to describe it would be this — sometimes my brain is thinking faster than my senses. For example, I’m currently reading/studying the writings of Thomas Merton on a deeper level than I have before. As I was staring into the yard, while washing dishes, my thoughts were on Merton’s discussions of Celtic Christianity. Like I’m talking way down into the deep recesses of my noggin kind of pondering.

As the words go through my head, “Celts…Ireland…Roman Empire,” my ears do not hear the running of the water, and my hands no longer feel the squishiness of the sponge. At that moment I was on autopilot, doing a routine task without even realizing it, allowing the quiet of the day to give way to the richness of my mind palace. (This is not my term, but it is an absolutely delightful way to describe how the brain works.)

In this week’s podcast I talk about silence, and how it is becoming part of my daily inner work.

Episode 5 – Only Silence Remains

Much love,
KEU

As of this posting the social media tech gremlins seem to know that Mercury is about to be retrograde, and access to some of my platforms is limited. It feels like this may be one of those moments where the Universe is nudging me in a direction that I was already pondering. If you follow those pages, or have found my site through those pages, I suggest bookmarking my website to stay up to date with the goings-on and such.

Eulogy for the bestest dog

Brown dog on pavement with purple leash.

Your grief for what you’ve lost lifts a mirror
up to where you are bravely working.
Expecting the worst, you look, and instead,
here’s the joyful face you’ve been wanting to see.
Your hand opens and closes and opens and closes.
If it were always a fist or always stretched open,
you would be paralysed.
Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and
expanding,
the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated
as birdwings.
Rumi

On November 17, 2023, the wonderful little hobbit dog, Frodo, crossed over the Rainbow Bridge. I had the honor of sitting with him for the last 3 hours of his life. We were not just in a Liminal space, we were the Liminal.

Frodo was a most unusual dog. None of us were quite sure what his breed was, but our final answer was that he was part German shepherd, part corgi, part beagle, and of course, part hobbit. He fiercely protected us from falling leaves, helped keep the floor clear of crumbs, and always pulled the choicest pieces of clean laundry to make his bed.

When he arrived to us he was very nervous. I don’t think he had a lot of freedom to wander around on his own when he was younger, and it was a memory that stayed with him until the end. He also wasn’t quite sure how to play, fetch, or any of the typical dog behaviors. When the cats would go charging around the house, he would give them a stern look that said, “Can you not?!” However, there was a toy that he finally enjoyed. It was a blue stuffed toy that we nicknamed “Baby.” No matter where Baby was, Frodo would find it and place it ever so gracefully on his dog bed, then lay down beside it.

Green dog bowl, with a brown edge holding a blue fluffy dog toy and a post it note with a message reading, “Have a great day and thank you.” There is also a hand drawn cartoon of a dog.

When his breathing become barely noticeable, I sent out text to family members that it was his time. He wanted to be outside, so I wrapped him in a carrier, grabbed his dog bed, and waited for my husband to get home. Little did I know that Frodo was waiting, too, as one of his main jobs was to announce the arrival of anyone coming to our home. He got up from his bed, greeted my husband, then laid back down.

As I sit here typing, I can feel tears streaming down my face. In all my years of owning dogs, there has never been one like Frodo. In a tongue in cheek kind of way, we would tell him that there would be no other dogs after him, because he was, in fact, the best dog ever. And due to his wonderfulness, no others would compare.

Frodo was my best friend. He would urge me to go outside and sit among the trees, and helped me not take life too seriously. Every one of my clients knows him, as they have patiently waited while I walked him in the yard, and offered understanding when he would bark. When clients would come to my home office, he would find a nice spot close to them. He just had this way of making even the most dog-adverse person want to pet him.

In short, he was magic.

But not just magic, a wise teacher, too. There were times he would walk to one of my many bookshelves and “point” to a book that was exactly what I needed to re-read, or glance through. He figured out where I kept my art supplies, and would drag them out, looking at me with proud eyes and a full heart. During the period of time where we were dealing with so much, and our family felt as if we were floating in a never ending ocean, Frodo would be the comic relief we all needed.

Grief is a funny thing – not in a comical manner, but more like how it comes and goes like sunlight dapples in old trees. You remember the happy moments, and laugh at times that were ridiculous. One thing you never forget is love. When something that you love, that also loves you back, leaves this plane of existence, the hole it puts in your life is one that will eventually fill…but it is never the same.

Frodo will never have to brave getting his nails trimmed, and he can run as far and long as he wants. He is on the other side, but is always in our hearts.

Much love,
KEU