life – Kim Upton

It’s gonna be May…

Rabbit gnomes in flower pots with text that says Rabbit! Rabbit!

“Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.”– Clementine Paddleford

Spiritus Sancti
Like God full throttle
Bedlamite seer
Fortune teller croons
“Write your own fable
Believe it’ll all work out”
– from the Puscifer song, “Bedlamite“

Happy May – Rabbit! Rabbit! – may fortune favor your boldness.

Upcoming changes

Check out this week’s podcast for a deeper listen to what’s listed below. Long time followers of my work, or of just my life, will know that I’ve never been afraid to totally re-direct my life in a way that is beneficial for my wee group of beautiful humans. And, as I’ve always said, things sometimes take as long as they take. The pivot point, however, is when I’ve tried to do something for long enough to see that it’s not working out. After 20+ years of making my humanity my hustle, I decided to take some actions…

There is no way I can work against the systems in place to boost influencers, apps, and social media platforms. While I would like to thin that folks still want the joys of hanging with aging wise women, who live in eclectic domiciles near the woods, we are not in that ere of humanity right now. I gave it a good try, but it is clearly time to move on.
For years I’ve wanted to return to school. For fun and lack of my profit, it would be great to discuss the major topics of my interest. However, since I’m not independently wealthy, my goal is to essentially DIY some PhDs. Now, this is not what you might think, as there will be no “point and click” credentialing. Instead I have created a rigorous path of study, after months of researching online syllabuses from schools that have specialty programs that call to my soul. This blog, yes this one right here, is going to be about that journey. It is also my hope that others who are interested in these topics will chime in with their thoughts.
In life I’ve learned that it’s best to do the big work in silence. While it’s nice to sometimes have opinions from the Greek Chorus, I’ve learned that sometimes they are a little too influential in my process. Darn those people pleasing tendencies. Today is the first official day for The Master Maker (see below), and I’m excited to announce that my “shop” will be stocked with goodies by the 14th of this month (May).
The podcast will still be posted here, but it’s moving to its own place on Patreon. Subscribers will get fun mail to their USPS mailbox, along with cool digital goodies.

So there’s the deets on the changes. Now, you might be saying to yourself, “Gee, is Kim gonna stick with this, or shift gears again?” Honestly, that’s fair, and totally understandable. I mean how many times have I said, “This is what I am doing now,” only to shut things down for something totally different. The important thing to know here is this – I am always adapting, improvising, and overcoming. Life is change, fluid in its dance of becoming. Also, as mentioned above, I have spent two decades making my humanity my hustle. So…yeah…just because things are posted on social platforms, or in the wilds of the Internet, it doesn’t mean that I’m over here “pivoting the synergy” every few seconds in the offline world.

The other part of this is that most of those actions were done in hopes of keeping my inner people pleaser happy. While doing all that inner work during the recent Mercury retrograde, something shifted (finally), and perspectives I’ve been seeking for years suddenly became very clear. That when I made the decision to shine a light, and let all be revealed.

The Mystic Maker

For the past few years I’ve been making items for folks who are seeking spiritual tools, knick-knacks, graphics, art, and more. It was sort of an “add-on” for my clients. Their friends and/or family would see what I created, and reach out to me for items of their own. Along with the creations, there would be a story of the process, or a tale of what I learned while making the item. Imagine my surprise when people loved all of it. So, quietly, and without any announcements, I started The Mystic Maker. It’s sort of got a life of it’s own, and lemme tell you that I am absolutely here for it!

As of today (May 1, 2024), I’m still working on the site, etc., but by the 14th it should be up and running smoothly. (fingers crossed)

DIY PhD

Today in the DIY PhD land, I’m reading this: Trauma, Spirituality, and Healing: A Journey through the Lens of an Incarcerated Person. From there I’ll take a look at the footnotes for a deeper dive. When I was working with clients, part of the process was to find a creative outlet that was safe for expressing their journey. With more holistic research happening, wellness providers and spiritual leaders are seeing the benefits of storytelling and creativity in the healing process. One of my goals in my self-education is to learn the indigenous methods of creative healing, as well as how those in lower income communities incorporate spirituality and artisanship into their path of health.

Huge thanks to each one of you for being here, and for witnessing this wild process of personal growth. Along with the work above, I’m be updating my pages here.

Keep shining brightly y’all. I see you out there doing hard things, and am over here cheering you on!

Much love,
KEU

Story time

Colorful image of a person withing a large universe.

Story time…
An ode to experiencing what one might call a “signier sign.” (hat tip to a conversation this weekend with a friend of mine)

Doing the work to be a better human – happier with oneself and being okay with the world at large – is not contingent on what others think of you. This is an important thing to share with y’all, because many of us were taught that feeling better in who we are meant pleasing all the people around us. That, dear souls, is not correct, and anyone that shills that swill to you should be ashamed of themselves. Like, that’s a huge red flag.

This type of mentality gets heavily pushed in the Cult Of Finding Your Niche. Humans are multi-faceted, multitudinous in our ability to exist on what is truly a mote of dust in the expansive and infinite Universe. Like, ponder that for just a moment… You are literally a whole bio-diverse Universe dancing on a round ball in an ever changing cosmic web of life. Who needs to stare at the wall when one can ponder the sheer miracle of existence.

Your healing and wellness doesn’t need explanation. Take off for a spell, put your phone on silent, stay home, or whatever you need to feel better in your body, mind, spirit. Make declarations on social media, then back track-embracing your inner wishy washy flakey nature. Wanna post about your lunch – go ahead – it’s your life. What others think of you is none of your business. Not being snarky or trite, but rather cheerleading your life journey from my little spot in the world. Life is too short to give time to people who aren’t paying your bills.

It is a struggle to human right now. We are for real in a wild new world of constant stress and fatigue where media wants us to point fingers at each other. I’ve yet to meet a perfect person with all the answers. There’s that whole folks without sins casting stones in glass houses thing.

In conclusion, and in digression, I say this to all y’all…

We are all connected. Full stop. You love science, well then you know that we are all part of a vast Universe connected by things seen and unseen. Maybe you want to take a more spiritual approach to honor your faith system – well guess what? That whole connected thing is in your holy book as well.
The most important thing to share with you in this ramble is this:
You are loved, and so are they. Most importantly, I love and see you. When I send good energy and virtual hugs your way, I mean it. The person you are is beautiful, special, and full of amazing things. Keep shining your light!

My crow friends have been patient with me, as they’ve been asking for peanuts for the past 10 minutes.

Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk…and please pardon any typos. My internal editor is playing in the sunshine today.

This week I’ll be working on my website and socials, as well as adding some fun and new things that will be absolutely delightful to me. It is my hope that you will enjoy them as well.

Much love and keep shining,
KEU

Meandering into podcast day!

stack of used books sitting on a countertop.

“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.”
Joseph Campbell

Hello dear readers!

It’s been a busy few weeks, and you know that thing about telling the Universe your plans – that it’s a real thing. Best to layout some groundwork, gather your tools, and quietly git’er’done. Probably a good idea to not share it on social media platforms until it’s done. But here I am – rocking it.

In this week’s podcast I decided to just do a storytime from the heart, with only a few wanderings into my professional voice. It’s about walking your own path, in your own way, without losing your integrity. Well that and how we all get FOMO from time to time.

This image with this post is a story in its own right. Today was a good used book day. Sadly I wasn’t able to see all the books at the thrift store, but I spotted a few good ones immediately. If you enjoy books in the same genres as those above, and are pondering donating them…get ahold of me first. Currently I am working on my little free esoteric library, and would love to put them in the rotating collection.

That’s about all I got for this post. It’s a little late for me, and I’ve got cats pointing to the empty circle in the food bowls. May all manner of things be well for you and yours.

Much love,
KEU

Today’s podcast
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Goodbye 2023; Hello 2024!

Celebratory image of two rabbits with the words Happy New Year and Rabbit! Rabbit! — Rabbit! Rabbit! Happy New Year!!

“You are a ruby embedded in granite.
How long will you pretend it’s not true?
We can see it in your eyes.
Come to the root of the root of your Self.”
Rumi

This is going to be a long post, so please bear with me as I get all this from my notes to the keyboard. I hope that you read all of it, so that you can take a peek into the soul window of another human on planet Earth.

There is so much that I don’t share on social media, or even to folks I know in person. From the end of 2021 until today, I’ve had a series of ups/downs that put me in situations that were not fun, and very uncomfortable emotionally/spiritually. As Maya Angelou says, when people show you who they are…believe them. If you take this a little deeper, those words can be applied to our own self. By this I mean, when you see patterns in your own life, let them show you something. All I can say is that I’m forever grateful for the Cherokee Medicine Woman, all those years ago, that taught me about the healing power of journals and writing. But I digress…

In the past few years “wellness,” both medical and holistic, has become a billion dollar industry. Everything from pharmaceuticals to very bad “alternative medicine,” is now the theme of viral content creators. Meanwhile, folks like myself who see the benefit of a truly holistic wellness plan, are made to be pariahs. A prime example of this is when the COVID vaccine came out. There were many whose care team hold out for more information on how chronic illnesses might be effected, or if it would create side effects. Random strangers on the internet would say things like, “I wouldn’t pee on you if you were on fire,” or “You are the problem,” to people that were genuinely trying to stay alive. And on the other side, there were those saying they had “pure blood,” while claiming they would inherit the Earth. Words like, “do the research” were weaponized, and dogmatic thought camps were set up. It was weird to see, and it honestly broke my heart in ways that are still hurting. Never have I seen so many claim how right they were, because they say so, then learn that maybe others had valid thoughts…but never apologize for the hateful things they said to others.

Then came the same things in the realm of beliefs and faith systems. Despite the fact that many were just historically wrong in their exclamations, while vigorously pointing their online fingers at The Others. I would see posts shaming individuals for trying to find a spiritual path that helps them be a better person. Any scholar of world religions and faith systems will tell you that many of our modern religions are very Euro-centric, and don’t include any of the indigenous paths. On top of that, every faith systems has borrowed from the others around them. In all my years of studying, and in my own searching, I’ve not found one true path for all humans on this planet. However, there are many holy books that urge us to love all and serve all. That doesn’t mean you get to let people treat you like crap, but to remember that we are absolutely connected to each other and every single other thing in the entire Universe. We are all made of energy, and I promise you that Science and Spirit are two sides of the same coin.

After these big realizations, I began to see how education is skewed in ways that blew my mind. What I observed is that it can be used to culturally divide each other. Claiming those who live in the country are uneducated, or how folks who acquired large amounts of student loans to get jobs in a field they loved, were “deadbeats” for wanting help/reduction of payment due to a predatory group of lenders taking advantage those in need. When I see this bickering online, all I can think of is something a college professor shared with me: “Education is a right, and it’s an honor to share knowledge with others.” Wisdom comes from knowing, and knowing comes from learning. Kinda like understanding when the tide comes in, all ships will rise. May we all have the ability to expand our minds without judgment.

Wrapped up in all the above big issues was ableism and privilege. Sometimes it was hidden, but other times it was blatant. I’d see posts, or have conversations with people, who would say, “If only those uneducated hillbillies would see how wrong they are with their Christian values and home remedies, we wouldn’t be in [insert predicament].” I’d scroll down and see the posts about overly educated Godless sinners pushing forced medical procedures on everyone. Who feels they have the power to decide for someone who, or what, they believe in? Why would a belief in each other, or a higher power, be on opposite ends of the spectrum? We should all question our beliefs, often, seeking a path that fosters peace in our lives. If we are called not to judge, why is it so prolific in the world?

It was more than I could take, and I found myself posting things like, “People are dying,” and “Sometimes people do their best.” Not long after that my posts started getting reported on Facebook, with intermittent bouts of having my account shut down. I receive direct messages, on various social platforms, that were full of, “Of all the people I thought would…” screeds. People are dying. Folks can’t get healthcare. There are those facing scarcity for the first time in their life. In the wise words of Douglas Woods’ character, Old Turtle, “You are loved, and so are they.”

In closing, I would like to share some things with you. My religion is kindness, and my path is helping others. The only allegiance I have is to the Universe in all its wonderful, and sometimes scary, delights. I am not perfect, and never will be. My existence pisses people off, just because I am not like them. It used to really upset me – not because I wanted everyone to love me, but due to wrong assumptions based on my demographics or personal decisions. It was if folks were telling me that they would/would not be my friend on how much I agreed with their beliefs. If the need to care for myself, or my family, took center stage, some thought it was because my time should have been theirs. Boundaries became my priority, and my bandwidth for drama was non-existent.

2023 taught me so much, and brought me peace that surpasses all understanding. Instead of seeking acceptance from those who were never going to give me the same, I took a long hard look at what my small circle of folks and family had been sharing with me. And there’s also the whole trip to Chicago, that made such a shift in my life that I’m pretty sure it’s what mystics of old would call an epiphany. It just happened in the blink of an eye, while riding the L, where I realized that all we have is this moment. Nothing is guaranteed. Kindness really does make a difference. We are never truly alone, and we belong to an amazing species called the human race. Beauty is a smile from a stranger. Live fully, for we are made in the image of a cosmic creator.

Please know that I’m making no proclamations, and no edicts of how things will progress with my work (or my postings here). I’m moving forward in my own way, and am no longer following the “go viral” marketing playbooks, or working to get the algorithm to push my things to the top of everyone’s social media platforms. I’m tired of convincing people that what I do is helpful to them. No one can keep up with what it takes to be popular online. In short, I’m not going to electronically ”beg” for people to use my services. In the same thought, I’m not going to charge hundreds of dollars, excluding those that truly need help, for something that amounts to buying into a monthly subscription service. Most importantly, I will not be answering anymore wellness or spiritual questions for free. I don’t go into a store and demand that someone give me a thing just because I don’t want to pay for it, or have some notion in my head that taking one item won’t hurt others. Your time is worth it. Don’t short yourself by sneaking candy from the jars of others.

Going forward into 2024, there will be quite a few changes. My studies as a Listening Woman are completed, and I’ll be finishing up a few other classes by Summer of ‘24. My motto is still the same – helping people from womb to tomb with creativity and support. Also, new client booking with start in January, as well as information about the monthly free wellness clinic. If you are subscribed here, those updates will come out soon. Over the past month I’ve been upgrading my tech a bit, and have figured out how to get my podcast posted on YouTube where I’m now able to do live videos. Exciting times, these!

Please know that you are loved, and I truly see you out there doing your best. Your soul is shining brightly, and I know you are going to do great things.

See y’all next year!

Much love to each and every one of you!
KEU

The Courage To Be Disliked

Crocheted crow as a stuffed toy with a hat and cape on in a Wes Anderson style coloring.

“If the greatest prayer you ever say is thank you, it will be enough.”
Meister Eckhart

“We’re all walking lightly
We’re all walking lightly
Let these moments last
Could be gone so fast”
– “Walking Lightly,” Junip

2023 was an interesting year. Here are a few interesting bullet points…because it would take pages to share the details of every. single. thing. that I experienced.

– In the Spring I was hit with 4 different virii/viruses/illnesses/whatever at once, making me sick for a full month. There was a week where I thought, “Well, this is it. If I don’t wake up in the morning, let my family be okay,” every time I closed my eyes. Just to be clear, I wasn’t embracing an end, but rather facing what I felt was near. I’ve talked about this in other places, just a bit, and may go deeper into what transpired at a later time. For now just know this — I’m very glad to be here. Rumi really had it right when he said, “If you require healing, let yourself fall ill. Let yourself fall ill.”

– All of a sudden everyone was upset with me. Okay, not everyone, but my need to not die really caused some ripples amongst the circles of association I had. You know, I have empathy and compassion for those reactions, because it can be hard to feel as if someone has abandoned you. However, despite my explanations, or proof that my desire to live had nothing to do with anything but survival, that made me “most hated.” (This is something Mr. The Mister and I came up with years ago, and is the most apt way to explain certain situations.)

– On my birthday, Mr. The Mister and I had a very romantic date at a doc-in-the-box. We both learned so much from that experience, like: 1) don’t get sick in the United States, and 2) don’t get sick in the United States. Please know that this is not an epic rant on something I’m unfamiliar with. My work parallels the U.S. wellness system, where I advocate for my clients, friends, and loved ones. But I digress…that’s a post for another day. For 3 days and 3 nights I sat with Mr. The Mister as he worked to survive a serious health issue. Once he was better, he joined me in the Recovery From A Major Illness walk.

– Sometime near Halloween I just kind of decided that the rest of the year wasn’t going to suck. While everything calmed down a bit, this would be the start of what I’m now calling The Great Topsy Turvy Time. I experienced everything from intellectual thievery to walking 10 miles in one day. In between were little moments of beauty, dusted in magic, that transformed all the wackiness mentioned in the above bullet points. Oh, and I went to Chicago — and life hasn’t been the same since I returned. All good…just different.

“I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.”
Booker T. Washington

Pedometer steps image that states 20,346 steps were taken.

Today I started working on my 2024 calendar. There are already clients booking time after I come back from sabbatical (February 2, 2024), classes to finish, and life to live. For January I’ve written the above quote on each planning and notes page. Then, right below it, in glittery ink, this phrase: “Have the courage to be disliked – you are not everyone’s cup of tea…and that’s okay.” Heck, I even had a “word of the year” come to mind without looking online for inspiration — which is now written in each month’s note section.

And for those of you who might be wondering, yes…yes I’ve taken a detailed fearless moral inventory of this year to see where I could have done better. Close friends and family know that my daily inner self examinations leave no stones unturned. Having little reminders that it’s okay to live my life fully without asking permission from others is also a good way to keep oneself in check. Instead of seeking validation from outside sources, you engage your internal b.s. meter. I promise you that if you have that in working order, nothing will slip past your radar. What’s kinda interesting about all of this, is that I do this work with my clients, but have never engaged the whole “physician heal thyself” protocols for myself. Lesson learned…

Today you are invited to look at your own fears of being disliked. Find one that really pulls on your heart strings, and have a conversation with it. For example if the primary reason is a fear of rejection, take a moment to see what it tells you. Reach out to a close person in your life, write about it in a journal, or make a creative piece that embodies your healed self. Whatever it looks like, just sit with these feelings for a bit. When you’re done, take a moment to write all the things you love about yourself, then allow the feeling of knowing that who you are is amazing, beautiful, and valid.

Remember, it’s okay to feel okay, but if you start getting overwhelmed, reach out to someone. You are loved, liked, and understood by so many. Don’t let the opinions of others dull your shine. I see you doing great things – keep going!

Much love,
KEU

Double Dualities

You asked me how to get out of the finite dimensions when I feel like it. I certainly don’t use logic when I do it. Logic’s the first thing you have to get rid of.
J.D. Salinger

A creative experiment I tried many years ago was an exercise in the singular nature of duality. Yes, that sounds like something your college professor would tell you to write a 30 page paper about, but it was a way for me to further explore the wonderfulness of how all things are connected. It was nothing too complicated – just one photo and one haiku per day. The only “rule” was that both had to be created on the same day, and I couldn’t use past poems or images.

This was a great way to explore themes in nature, push my ability to make each day its own experience, and engage consistent creative practices. I posted the images and words on Instagram, and pretty soon others were doing the same. It was lovely to see all these folks walking in their creative selves, and it brought me a good feeling to have been an inspiration to others…until a more well known person started using my words – not my images or poems – to gather more followers.

You see, there’s nothing new in this world. As much as we might like to think we are the original maker of something, that is just not how it works. For every idea you have, 400 people have had it as well – and out of these folks, 100 of them have actually made it happen. Out of those few, a smaller amount decided to put some kind of legal layers into the mix, preventing others from taking their “idea.”

Admittedly, that action made me feel a little bit aggravated. I had worked hard to come up with this creative process, and by golly my claim on it was known by many, with lots of advice to put all of my work into a book of some kind. Didn’t these 400 people know how hard it had been to get this off the ground? Didn’t the few that took it to a more professional place understand that this was my SOUL that was being shared? Like, come on, I was clearly the originator of such a wonderful thing.

Except that I wasn’t, and I never will be. Why? Because there’s nothing new under the Sun.

However, there are new ways to transform ideas. Along with that when we move our idea from thought to action, we are the crucible of individuality that provides a dash of alchemical process. Or, with less philosophy jargon, we pull from a common place, forging our own essence into something miraculous.

There have been many more situations like the one above, and I’m absolutely positive there will be more. Humans have this interesting way of walking around in the thought of model/rival. We see that someone else is doing something that makes them happy, so we want to mimic it. That doesn’t make those folks any less authentic, and it doesn’t take away from what you are doing. We are all just trying to walk each other home.

My ancestral Scandinavian self is planning to engage fully in the art of Hygge this year. I’ve tried to implement this several times over the years, but life just kind of did what it does best. You know…the whole if you want to make the Universe laugh, tell it your plans kind of experience. Also, there’s this thing that happens when I make proclamations about this, or that, thing, which is like a magnet for the Holy Trickster. It’s the Universe’s way of saying, “Hold my ambrosia.”

In this time of quiet reflection, and catching up on all the books in my “to read” pile, I’m taking some classes in topics that are of personal interest like Norse Mythology, how to use Google docs more proficiently, and world religions. Along with those I’m taking courses that will give me a larger basket of skills to use with my clients – everything from inclusiveness in healthcare to religions of antiquity. While I would love to take these in a college setting, with others who love to learn everything there is to learn about everything, the resources to do that aren’t available for me at this time. While that may seem like a setback to some, I see it as an opportunity to do a little DIY degree program work. There are a few remaining goals in my life that need some grace and ease to make them more solid, so I welcome the slow time of Winter to give them space to grow.

And, you know, I’m not the first person to do this…but I am the only me that will transform what I learn into my own path.

Today I invite you to look at something in your life, that took a lot of work on your part, only to be “borrowed” by another. Did you stop doing that thing after you realized someone was “copying” you? Were you inspired on a deeper level to keep going? How did you feel when you first realized that someone out in the wide world was doing the exact same thing as you? Sit with those thoughts a moment – maybe write them down in a journal – then look at them a different way. Ponder how that person is not you, and doesn’t have the same transformation skills you do. Let go of the thought about imitation being a form of flattery, and keep your love of what you do close to your heart. People can try to be like you…but they will never, not ever, be you.

Sending support your way – know that I see you out there shining brightly as the Sun. It’s okay to feel not so okay sometimes, but if those feeling become overwhelming, reach out to someone that can help.

Much love,
KEU

Unfold your own myth

“But don’t be satisfied with stories, how things
have gone with others. Unfold
your own myth, without complicated explanation,
so everyone will understand the passage,
We have opened you.”
– Rumi

When we enter this world, we take a full breath, and when we cross over…it is released. As the mystics say, what we do between those two life events is up to us.

In the last year, or so, of using social media, I’ve noticed a push to: 1) find a niche, and 2) be “authentic.” Not to sound dense, but I am not sure what those words mean in our modern times. What it seems to mean is finding something that will make your post go “viral,” using a popular “hook,” to show people that you are who they want you to be.

Today I re-launched my podcast, and I talk about these topics in a little more detail there. In fact, I went all out today and updated all the things. Just seemed like a great day for being me.

Until next time…

Much love,
KEU

Link to podcast here.

This being human…

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Rumi (Translation by Coleman Barks)

It’s no secret that I like to reflect on things in the past. Anyone who has known me for more than a few minutes will hear me say, “Oh, exactly 4 years ago, at 1:37pm, I [insert thing]. This was the foreshadowing to this exact moment being experienced right now.”

Utah Phillips talks about how the past didn’t go anywhere, and how we are all in one long river of time. He goes on to say that anyone who tells you to forget the past is trying to hide something. I think of this quote when someone tells me, “Oh, can’t you just let go of that,” or “That was in the past, no need to bring it up now.” While there are some big T truths in those statements, as we cannot bring our past into this present moment, that overlooks the elements of time that make up our life. Our experiences are the ingredients for who we are – alchemical energies moving around together in a large cauldron of cosmic soup.

In college I was told by a physician to give up any ideas of having kids. Somehow my body was made in such a way that there was no way it could keep a child to term. He used the phrase “bell shaped,” and some other clinical words that sounded official, shook my hand, then sent me on my way. I walked out of that office feeling like I’d just won the human lottery. How lucky was I to get my wish of not wanting to have kids. My body and mind were in alignment, and I was off to start my life of teaching, living in a small house somewhere in New England, having lots of cats, and being the weird lady down the street. My goal was to become a real-life version of the main character in the children’s book, Miss Rumphius.

However, life has a funny way of doing things that you would never expect. At my first pre-natal appointment, after a bit of a scare early in the first trimester, I told my OB that it was shocking to me that I was pregnant, as I had been told multiple times that it would never happen. She looked at me and said, “You know what we call people like that who have this happen? We call them parents.”

While that may sound kinda of brash, and a little tone deaf, it was exactly what I needed to hear. It was the mantra that shifted my whole mindset. As dramatic as it sounds, I think that was a huge step of my initiation into greater Mysteries.

The above photo was taken by Mr. The Mister, father extraordinaire, husband of much note, and my best friend in all my life. Little did either of us know that we were about to meet our future. We also didn’t know it was the very change both of us needed, and that we would also “grow up” along the way.

Earlier this week an old mentor of mine sent a text that said, “How does it feel to complete your 10-year initiation cycle?” Of course I texted back, asking what in the world she was talking about. Like, yes, 2013 was a serious walk into places that took years of recovery. It was also the “quiet before the storm” of 2014, where I was happily in my chosen field. In fact, everything was as perfect as it could be, with my work on the verge of securing resources for my family that would last for generations. So when this mentor said, “Are you ready to walk through this door of opportunity, change, and growth,” a decade ago, I immediately said yes.

While it was the hardest part of my adult life, and I questioned my sanity multiple times a day, I would do it all over again. And maybe even one more time after that for good measure. What I’ve learned could never be taught in a traditional school setting, and there’s no PhD/Doctorate that offers what I have come to know in my heart/soul. Even though I have the college credits and student loans to prove all the years I spent learning what other people thought was important, they pale in comparison to my “feet on the ground” immersion experience of Real Life.

In my life I’ve allowed a lot of people to tell me how they think my skills, education, and abilities could be used to provide resources for my family. Many times the advice given has been helpful, but those ideas were not my path. While I gave them all a good try, and thought it would be the way to go, earlier this year it was obvious that none of them were working. In fact, I missed what I was doing back before opening a new door of being me…and apparently it missed me, too.

My story isn’t over, and it will continue on even when my body is no longer on this plane of existence. We are all beautiful pieces of energy woven together into a song of Mystery – also known as the Universe – and time is one long river. We are all standing in it together, connected in ways we are only beginning to understand. As I begin my journey on the other side of the door I walked through 10 years ago, y’all are welcome to travel along with me. Grab a cup of your favorite beverage, get comfy, and know that I see you doing your thing.

With love and support to you,
KEU