life – Kim Upton

the quiet Sundays

First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, sometimes you need a lot of quiet to see hidden things.

When you get a long time to be in the quiet, you start seeing things in a new way….

Data centers are not great for the environment, and I think we all know that. However, and I say this using a place that accesses data centers, if we truly want to see an end to data centers, then maybe we need to stop using the internet. Now bear with me here…

A lot of builders and engineers have to sign NDAs when building data centers, but once they are built you can find out the info on them. Say, for example, you would learn that Amazon aka AWS uses the most data. The next would be the company that rhymes with feta. Your cell phone provider might be the next one, or maybe certain political people that run certain organizations.

If you truly want to end data centers, then take a long look at your technology usage. We want to blame AI, which is becoming problematic, yes, but often when we are told who the enemy is by those who manipulate the narrative, we don’t see what’s truly going on. Ponder this, if AI can solve problems then why hasn’t anyone asked it how to solve the data issue? If you can walk around with a device in your pocket, that can hold multiple gigs of memory, then couldn’t the tech folks figure out how to use that same knowledge to store data?

Also, while electric cars are a move in the right direction, have you researched the environmental impact on the non-renewal things needed to create these vehicles? Another pondering is where does the electricity come from, and how does it come to the facilities that turn those resources into electricity happen?

There are other things, such as this spiritual superiority, what I like to call the “star seed” phenomenon. This is kind of a bold statement that some people are more evolved or awake than others. While I’m not a PhD, nor do I want one, I’ve dedicated my life to finding answers. That doesn’t make me right, and I’m not the knower of all things — thankfully. However, I am a survivor, and have seen things that make the most hard core person pass out. Not a brag, just a reality.

Now, let’s talk about addiction to media and tech. I’m not immune, and as someone that loves to research everything, consuming data like a black hole, I’ve spent days reading everything I can find.

In all of this people are not thriving, resources for the most vulnerable are being taken away, and in a rare collab, science and spiritual folks are starting to see eye to eye on the power of empathy and compassion — something I see lacking in a lot of aspects of this modern world. Maybe if we stopped pointing fingers, and started shaking hands, things might go better. Well, that and remembering that we are all, in fact, connected.

Do I have solutions? Yep, a few. Let’s offer public transportation, fix the healthcare system, sit on the porches of our neighbors even if they don’t look like us, vote like us, or whatever thing we think divides us all, and gosh…just a lot more. We have all these tools at our disposal, but yet we still want to fling excrement at each other because we think we are the only ones who are right. We also fail to see that very often what’s hiding behind the curtain is something we created…

This weekend there were some realizations about my weird lady crone work I do. Lots of folks have told me that the how’s and why’s of what my work is needs to be out in the world, and goodness gracious that’s my plan — well, more like that’s what is happening already. The thing is…I’m just not algorithm friendly. Also, some bad choices in support were made, and that took me back to some places that weren’t so great. Through into all that the decade of having to care for my family that gave me the look of being the flakiest wishy-washy milk toast. So you know, I so own that, and have made apologies where needed. Sometimes you just gotta be who you are when life throws flaming lava rocks your way. Or, maybe, sometimes you do the best you can do while paddling to stay above water. Doesn’t mean what I did was right, or the best choice. Those things keep me up at night sometimes, so I work to do better and be better every day.

There’s more on my mind, but I think it’s best to share one of my favorite quotes from a book that changed my life as a child.

“We look not at the things which are what you would call seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporal. But the things which are not seen are eternal.”
― Madeleine L’Engle, A Wrinkle in Time

embracing the chaotic journey – part 1

First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, when you’re creative world relies on energy, you must get creative during a power outage.

“There is no such thing as a weird human being, It’s just that some people require more understanding than others.”
― Tom Robbins

As mentioned above, the power went out today. This means that my time in my wee little office was cut short, and I (*gasp*) had to rely on the old fashioned tools our ancestors once used. No, not stone tablets, but close enough — just a book filled with paper and a writing instrument.

During this time of living like the early settlers of the state where I live, or any early settlers, it seemed the perfect time to run a few errands. This trip somehow made me arrive at a craft/art store, which is shocking. Not only that, I also stopped by my local (free) public library to pick up a book on creative techniques. Really kicking in old school today, y’all.

The thing about my life is this…it’s always interesting. You might think I get a break from the tomfoolery when sleeping, but you would be wrong. Not only are my dreams in full technicolor, with smells and such, they are a beautiful marriage between the art of Dali, Picasso, Van Gogh, Georgia O’Keefe, Remedios Varo, and Hilma af Klint. Or like all the Sid and Marty Krofft shows for kids in the 1970s. Today was just that kind of day, where I was so in the zone, had things flowing from my fingertips, and then there was a very loud boom that turned the lights off.

In yesterday’s post I dared — DARED — to speak of the future. Sometimes when my words/voice say, “Hey, guess what’s coming up,” it’s like the Universe says, “Are you sure? Are you sure about that?” This might also be how the Muses and the Fates work together to move me in another direction. Honestly, that was a great idea because at the moment the power went out I was ruminating on the large amounts of AI written articles here and on other platforms. Like I get it, truly I do, but also…stop getting AI to write for other AI to read. Give the machines a break. Plus, the more you saturate the freeways of digital information with its own information, that clogs it up for the rest of us. Also, I think we are all tired of content creation influencer jargon dressed up to be non-performative creativity. See there, I was about to get a ramble going, but thought better of it.

Honestly, I kind of needed a day away from my desk, and to wander the world a bit. Apparently that wild and wonderful unknowable force called The Universe knew exactly what was needed.

Until next time…much love,
~ KEU

Lived Experience Is a Credential

First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, lived education is valid education.

Paper about Kim Upton teaching a watercolor class at the Hillview Library.

“Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.”
– Thomas Merton

Bee enjoying some delightful goodies from a flower.

Long ago in the Way Back Times, humans passed down information about the world around them in a manner vastly different than the systems we have today. If you wanted to learn about building a home, you went off to work with someone who understood carpentry — specifically the art of putting pieces of wood together in order to create a shelter. While the arrangement of being an apprentice might seem a little odd to us now, it was usually a benefit to both parties. This was a situation of social education, hands on experience that helped a craft continue into the future.

This type of relationship happened in other fields as well, and it seemed to suit the culture for some time. That is, until someone realized they could create a certification program where money would be paid to this credentialing entity in exchange for a piece of paper stating the person had been duly educated.

But here’s where it gets interesting, and if you’ve studied the history of the education system, you will see how it’s been geared to those who have the means to pay. This is seen now with the rising costs of higher education, pushing out those who are not able to pay for a piece of paper that no longer guarantees access to the vocation of choice. However, if you don’t have the money, there is an option to engage in predatory lending that is very similar poor folks working for the company, while being forced to buy their necessities from the company store. Don’t have enough money for a bag of flour, well then you can just put it on store credit (with a rate of interest that could never be paid).

Now you might think that I’m about to engage in some kind of internet screed that borders on aluminum chapeau territory, which is totally fair given what I wrote above. Honestly, there are already a lot of folks out there telling this tale, and that’s not the direction this post is going to take. These days I’m just not up for that kind of drama, the gnashing, wailing, and finger pointing online isn’t helpful when folks need tangible help out in the real world. That’s just how I work these days. With that out of the way, lemme continue.

While away from my professional work, the ability to pay for credentials has drastically changed. Apparently you can just buy them online now, which is kind of concerning. Instead of working with say, an herbalist with a few decades of lived experience (and credentialing that took years to achieve), you can now work with someone who had enough money to become a master herbalist in just a short 72 hours. Even after 17 years of professional experience, I don’t feel anywhere near being a “master,” as there is still so much to learn. While my years make me a Crone, that doesn’t mean someone showed up to wave a wand over my head to dub me the knower of all things.

Talking about this particular curiosity in the human culture often gets me fired up. Why? Well, let me tell you why… It has to do with the fact that many of the things that are now being gentrified and commodified are part of the daily life for indigenous persons, minorities, and the poor. If you want to hear me ramble about that, check out this episode of the Mom’s Strange Magic Podcast. These dismissals of those who have spent their lives learning all they can, being careful to have appreciation instead of appropriation, really chafes my soul. It’s giving 1910 Flexner Report, where leaning into a biomedical standard of care (which is great, but not compassionate) took away the ability of the poor, indigenous, and minorities to gain greater access to knowledge in the healthcare field. Along with that it demonized the Granny Women and community caregivers as engaging in barbaric medicine.

The point that I’m trying to get across here is this — fancy degrees are nice and I understand their appeal, but so is lived experienced. While looking for pediatricians after my oldest two were born, my husband was given some great advice from a pharmacist to look for the older doctors, as they had most likely seen everything and wouldn’t be quick to over prescribe medications that weren’t needed. That piece of advice helped us find one of the best medical caregivers I’ve ever met. He was kind, compassionate, and truly had seen all the issues a child might encounter.

Care and wellness isn’t the only place you will see something like this, as it exists in all the vocational genres. For example, if you create art, that makes you an artist. If you hand weave a basket, then you are an artisan. Taking a photo with your smart phone absolutely means you are a photographer. Sometimes folks get so caught up in protecting their entitled space that they forget that not everything is about them.

There is a saying about Wisdom being hard earned, which I gotta say has been absolutely true for my life experiences. While calling myself wise is not part of my gig, it is fair to say that my experiences have made me more perceptive, allowing a different lens for the shenanigans of others.

So, y’all, go out and be the beautiful beings of bodacious badassery. Everything you have done in your life is an experience, which makes you a subject matter expert on all the moments you’ve had. I see you out there shining brightly as the Sun, and I know you are gonna do great things!

Until next time…much love,
~ KEU

The time I was wishy washy

First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, opinions are like, well…you know.
Third, it’s a full Moon tomorrow.

Okay y’all, I just couldn’t resist. Yeah, it’s cheesy, and yeah, we’ve all seen it, but also – it’s gonna be May tomorrow, so…

Have you ever talked to a wall long enough that the sound of your voice finally trickled back to your own ears? Yeah, me too. While I was off finishing some projects, taking care of my family, and figuring out what I wanted to do in the second half of life (y’all the 50s are a wild ride, and every minute has been hard, but also amazing).

During that time I was given some helpful advice from folks that didn’t know what was going on, along with folks that had once been helpful but failed to honor my boundaries. It was a weird time for sure. While some of the things were really hurtful, it was important to hear their words. No matter where my life is, or how my world is spinning, when people want to give me unsolicited advice, my goal is to seek the meaning behind their words.

But also…

Stepping back to care for your family isn’t a professional failure, it is a demonstration of my personal integrity. In a world of chasing the coin, those who preach about alignment while neglecting their actual human responsibilities sort of squicks me out. Now I’m not saying that we can all just sit around and wait for pennies from heaven, more like when you take deep hits to your resources so that members of your family (especially your offspring) can get the care they need, it’s not being wishy-washy…it’s how it should be. Also, it’s sad that the loud voices make people feel bad about doing what needs to be done.

The choice to prioritize the people who need you most is a massive credential, showing those who matter that you are grounded in reality. And hopefully it shows that the work you do is not just a lifestyle brand you can turn on and off. With that, anyone who sees that as wishy-washy were looking for a performance, not a person.

One of the most difficult parts of taking my own version of Inanna’s descent, is something a lot of the mystics don’t speak of when talking about things like a dark night of the soul. You might think it’s the little aftershocks of breakthrough about breakdown, but it is more about remembering who you are. Add into that a dash of knowing that what made you take a fearless inventory of yourself was allowing others to make you feel unworthy.

Tomorrow I’ll be launching (look at me using that jargon…) The KimboBurly Tales alongside my work with Mom’s Strange Magic. It will have blips and bloops, and times when my rambles take over, but the thing is, it doesn’t have to be perfect…it just has to be real.

It’s a cool and crisp Spring day, and there are errands that need my attention. Remember that you are a beautiful beam of light shining in a world full of people looking for your resplendent self.

Until next time…much love,
~ KEU

The Unexpected Sabbatical

First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, I finally finished the site for Mom’s Strange Magic
Third, sometimes you gotta delete your social media, take a chance, and stop worrying about someday.

As the title says, I’ve been on an unexpected sabbatical that was extended into the realm of what could be called internet obscurity. And you know what…I’m okay with that. While away I had to do some deep thinking about the nature of my existence in the bloops and bleeps of the internet.

For far too long I’ve been online thinking that people will find my work, my writing, or whatever it is I’m talking about today based on the desire to meet other folks who are just a little bit odd, or weird. However, sadly, those words have taken on a different meaning these days, and the young adults in my family have encouraged me to use things like “elder influencer” (true), or my fave, “OG whimsy-goth granola Mom” (which is apparently also true according to the hashtags online).

The other part of this post has to do with the fact that anywhere I go there is AI. Have I used AI? Yes. Will I use it again? Maybe. (see upcoming paragraph) From my anecdotal research, it seems that my use of AI is not the standard. I don’t want it to plan my meals, write my words, create music/art/code, or anything I can do on my own. What it has been helpful with is when all my thoughts get balled up into a cranial dust bunny with no hopes of finding the original thought. Sometimes my brain needs to talk about everything from atoms to Zoroastrianism, all while trying to figure out why some websites can’t make understanding genetic clusters easier.

At the same time, as someone who has had to deal with the whole not getting paid for my work thing, it feels really unethical to ask a being – be it machine or otherwise – to be forced to listen to me. (side note, these are totally my em dashes) And while the loudest voices say that AI is everywhere, I can assure you that are several places where AI is not. One is either one of the porches on my house, and the second one is when we sit around the campfire (pictured above). Oh, and the most important part for you dear readers, is that I won’t be using AI to write my content.

Now, on this wild and wonderful sabbatical, it was obvious that I needed to really take a long hard look at my use of social media. Gone are the days of long form content on one platform where you could easily find others (ahem…such as LiveJournal). Now we have the book of face, the book of face in instant grams, the clock app, one about the sky, another that sounds like it will read your palm, and the one that shills you – I mean allow you to pay – for articles that are often written by…you guessed it…AI.

See what I did there?

Anyway, what I learned while away from this space is myriad, but the biggest take away is that my life is not going to fit into an algorithm, nor will I sell my eternal soul to go viral on the socials. People find me, and they find my work, and it all works out in the end for all of us.

Sometimes you really got to have breakdown before breakthrough, but it shouldn’t have to be about who you are in the digital world. It also shouldn’t give you a personal crisis about how to express yourself in the spaces geared towards selling you things you don’t need.

The other issue is how to walk in the world as a human, but also as a human that works in the world of helping others. That’s when I decided to make this my space (not MySpace although I think we would all love to see that platform return). Not a covert way to share the work I do helping others, but more like a comfy chair at my kitchen table.

So, no proclamations or promises this time, just a quiet return to the place where I enjoy writing things. If you want to see where I make things and help people, you can do that at Mom’s Strange Magic (click the hyperlink there to get to my work site).

Now, how have all y’all been these days? Fill me in on what’s new in your world.

With love,
KEU

on the turning away…

First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, everything I’m about to tell you is true.

This morning I woke up with Pink Floyd lyrics running through my mind…
“No more turning away
From the weak and the weary
No more turning away
From the coldness inside
Just a world that we all must share
It’s not enough just to stand and stare
Is it only a dream that there’ll be
No more turning away?”
– On The Turning Away, Pink Floyd

I’d like to share something deeply personal with y’all today, and it’s not something that is my usual content – or that’s been my usual content. Over the years my words have been placed into the greater internet-verse with a desire to be understood and to feel “real.” This isn’t some kind of admission to boost my stats, or gather followers, it’s just where my life is right now. So bear with me as I ramble a bit…

At some point in my life I gathered quite a bit of anger into my being, and it decided to stay around a lot longer than anyone should have to endure. While I applied all the teachings, the mystical rituals, and tear-filled prayers to what was stirring within…nothing seemed to fix the tumultuous feelings going on within my system. Heck, I even tried the whole path of taking a fearless moral inventory while giving forgiveness to things that were beyond my control. Nothing was working, and believe me when I tell you that I literally tried everything from hugging crystals to baring my soul in therapy. My language would tell others everything was okay, but my soul was flailing about hoping to find some calm in the storm. In short, it was not a great time to be a denizen of my mind as all my thoughts put me in some kind of miasma of wonkiness. That is, until I just gave into the anger…

The first step was just being still and quiet, or being in the mode of silent running (as I’ve mentioned before). It is not a fun place to dwell, as all the insecurities come along with you, whispering complicated lies into your ears about all the things that you are doing wrong…or that you have done wrong. And friend, I’ve made so many mistakes in my life that came from a place of wanting to fit in, or hoping to not be the weirdo, or whatever force of nature was on the schedule for that day. In this time of contemplation it became pretty apparent that the common denominator in all the mishaps of my life was my self.

Now this isn’t me saying, “Oh, the people that hurt me was my fault,” nor is it a way to be absolved of my actions when my emotions ran wild – but more like, “oh……I see now…..there’s some healing to be done.”

C.S. Lewis says: “I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief,” and I’ve never seen a more truth statement in my life. Grief does very funny things to the human system, putting us into places that we never expected. We lash out, we scream, we dance around things that are important, and very often we overlook the boundaries we have in order to feel less alone. Also, we make decisions that look good on paper, or feel “right” when we try something new, but until the grief/anger nexus is resolved…we stay stuck in a boot loop of emotional turmoil.

Last year (2025), I had a serious reckoning in my life that caused me to engage in the aforementioned silent running. At the time it felt like the world was going to end, but after a few weeks it was easy to see that the Universe, or whoever was on the line that day, was absolutely worn out with me asking for someone else to fix my internal circuitry. Not only did I get eleventy billion signier signs, it was becoming very apparent that the answers needed were already within…and if I made the choice to keep overlooking them…things were going to stay the way they were. The only way out was to sit with each feeling, each sadness, and each hurt, asking them all what it was they’ve been trying to tell me all these years.

It would take a very long time to unpack all those ponderings here, and honestly it does none of us any good to put them under a public microscope, so I’m gonna do a fun bullet point list for y’all:

love everyone and tell the truth
if a box isn’t for you, don’t try to fit into it
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” (huge thanks to Mary Oliver for this one)
always trust your intuition
the anger and grief you feel is from avoiding the path you seek

Avoiding the path I seek you say, dear inner voice – whatever could you mean? Oh…you mean that a lot of the chaos in my life came from trying too hard to fit into places that were not for me due to issues from my childhood that I carried around like tokens of a fever dream…and that hiding from that which makes me wonderful (and often seen as “weird”) is also my superpower?

As I was mulling all this over in the metaphorical cave, embracing the raw power that comes from having a dark night of the soul, off in the distance there was this light. It compelled me by forces unknown to get closer, and with each step there were pieces of myself that I’d left in the control/power of others – or honestly just abandoned because there were external (meaning not things of my own doing) issues that shattered me while I was too busy trying to survive. Each time I looked closer a thought came into my head – what if I just loved these parts? And not in a bypassing way, or not taking personal accountability, but truly and deeply cared for each aspect that was left along my path.

Yesterday I returned to something that seemed so out of reach that I gave up trying. Not because it was beyond my grasp, but due to the overwhelming grief (and fear) of what others would think – or how I would be perceived. As I talk about it in the podcast (link below), sometimes you just have to be as real as you can be, even if it means starting over again for the 300th time. People are going to think what they want about you no matter what you do, and they will judge/condemn/dislike you because of their own thoughts/feelings. If the pain of not being who you are causes you to overlook your boundaries, sit at tables that aren’t yours, or stop trying to make your dreams come true…you might want to take some time to talk with those parts of you that need some love. Be still and quiet until you feel secure enough to wear stripes with plaid, or to share your creative work…or even to write about your inner world online.

And to help you along the way, might I just say a few words…

You are seen. You are loved. You are a beautiful child of the Universe, connected to everything around you. You matter. You are amazing.

Here is the link to the official (re)opening day podcast for Mom’s Strange Magic. Also, I’ll be moving all the Mom’s Strange Magic content to my Patreon page. Most of the content there will be free, and you can access it by clicking this link. Now, could I put all of this in one place – sure. Is that going to work for me personally – no. This space is my personal walk in the world where I’ll be sharing my creativity, my brain noodles, and whatever else shows up. As I’ve mentioned already, but will say again, WP does have a subscription option, which is pretty much how it is these days, but it works better for me to go through Ko-fi as I will also be selling off some of my artwork soon, and while it will be updated here it is important to keep my organization skills in a place where they are happiest. If you plan on following me, or any of my work, you can also just click that follow/subscribe button that WP provides, as I’ll be sharing all the things here as well.

With that, I’m off to feed the birds, tend to my chores, and hope that the typo faeries have been appeased enough to make this post not too full of mistakes. Plus, they also prove that AI didn’t help me write this. (LOL)

Much love to all y’all,
KEU