First of all, I’m a delight. Second, how do you write about something that deeply changed your life without sounding like a jerk? Third, yep…I absolutely meant density.
“One of the advantages of being disorganized is that one is always having surprising discoveries.” ― A.A. Milne
Something has happened this week that made me lose my words. Nothing physical, as all is well there, but more like…honestly, I don’t have language for it. Maybe interpretive dance, or some equally performative display.
Just an FYI, this is the faery that will tell the pixies to come tie knots in your hair if you decide to nab any of my words or art. You’ve been warned.
In this whole new way of seeing things, I’ve decided to tell some deeper tales, share more poignant experiences, and just let all the things out into the open.
Along with that you will learn about growing up with parents who came from a long line of bad data. You see…we all try so hard to put our best self out there – the best image, the best words, the best creativity – but we also get caught in the need to be seen. It’s a slippery slope this digital community we’ve made.
For more years than I’d like to admit, my desire to keep stuffing my octagon shape into a rhombus receptacle isn’t working. It never was, but by golly I was going to keep trying. “Don’t give up. Winners never quit and quitters never win.” Just an FYI, those phrases are about as helpful as a wet paper towel for drying your hands. But those are the message we get, along with how to be the person everyone wants you to be.
But I’m rambling, and we’ve had yet another power outage. It’s how it is around here. One day it’s the internet, the other day it’s the power, and trying to plan my work around the whims of the technological universe is like trying to win the lottery.
More soon, I promise. Just digesting all these changes whirling around, that were unexpected and have me contemplating some things with a whole new perspective.
First of all, I’m a delight. Second, sometimes you need a lot of quiet to see hidden things.
When you get a long time to be in the quiet, you start seeing things in a new way….
Data centers are not great for the environment, and I think we all know that. However, and I say this using a place that accesses data centers, if we truly want to see an end to data centers, then maybe we need to stop using the internet. Now bear with me here…
A lot of builders and engineers have to sign NDAs when building data centers, but once they are built you can find out the info on them. Say, for example, you would learn that Amazon aka AWS uses the most data. The next would be the company that rhymes with feta. Your cell phone provider might be the next one, or maybe certain political people that run certain organizations.
If you truly want to end data centers, then take a long look at your technology usage. We want to blame AI, which is becoming problematic, yes, but often when we are told who the enemy is by those who manipulate the narrative, we don’t see what’s truly going on. Ponder this, if AI can solve problems then why hasn’t anyone asked it how to solve the data issue? If you can walk around with a device in your pocket, that can hold multiple gigs of memory, then couldn’t the tech folks figure out how to use that same knowledge to store data?
Also, while electric cars are a move in the right direction, have you researched the environmental impact on the non-renewal things needed to create these vehicles? Another pondering is where does the electricity come from, and how does it come to the facilities that turn those resources into electricity happen?
There are other things, such as this spiritual superiority, what I like to call the “star seed” phenomenon. This is kind of a bold statement that some people are more evolved or awake than others. While I’m not a PhD, nor do I want one, I’ve dedicated my life to finding answers. That doesn’t make me right, and I’m not the knower of all things — thankfully. However, I am a survivor, and have seen things that make the most hard core person pass out. Not a brag, just a reality.
Now, let’s talk about addiction to media and tech. I’m not immune, and as someone that loves to research everything, consuming data like a black hole, I’ve spent days reading everything I can find.
In all of this people are not thriving, resources for the most vulnerable are being taken away, and in a rare collab, science and spiritual folks are starting to see eye to eye on the power of empathy and compassion — something I see lacking in a lot of aspects of this modern world. Maybe if we stopped pointing fingers, and started shaking hands, things might go better. Well, that and remembering that we are all, in fact, connected.
Do I have solutions? Yep, a few. Let’s offer public transportation, fix the healthcare system, sit on the porches of our neighbors even if they don’t look like us, vote like us, or whatever thing we think divides us all, and gosh…just a lot more. We have all these tools at our disposal, but yet we still want to fling excrement at each other because we think we are the only ones who are right. We also fail to see that very often what’s hiding behind the curtain is something we created…
This weekend there were some realizations about my weird lady crone work I do. Lots of folks have told me that the how’s and why’s of what my work is needs to be out in the world, and goodness gracious that’s my plan — well, more like that’s what is happening already. The thing is…I’m just not algorithm friendly. Also, some bad choices in support were made, and that took me back to some places that weren’t so great. Through into all that the decade of having to care for my family that gave me the look of being the flakiest wishy-washy milk toast. So you know, I so own that, and have made apologies where needed. Sometimes you just gotta be who you are when life throws flaming lava rocks your way. Or, maybe, sometimes you do the best you can do while paddling to stay above water. Doesn’t mean what I did was right, or the best choice. Those things keep me up at night sometimes, so I work to do better and be better every day.
There’s more on my mind, but I think it’s best to share one of my favorite quotes from a book that changed my life as a child.
“We look not at the things which are what you would call seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporal. But the things which are not seen are eternal.” ― Madeleine L’Engle, A Wrinkle in Time
First of all, I’m a delight. Second, is long form content dying?
“We become what we are willing to see.” ― Richard Rohr
Hey y’all! The Moon is new, in the sign of Taurus, so plan your day accordingly. While I know a fair amount about astrology, I find the modern prognosticators often repeat each other in order to go viral online. But here’s the deal…a lot of the modern spiritual paths are rooted in the erasure of marginalized persons. Why go to your local Strega or Granny Woman when you can pay a lot of money to shady pseudo-spiritualists that say, “Hey, upload your financials to AI and have it tell you how to make even more money.”
So this past week has been an odd one, and I’m still sitting with the events that brought me back to the land of navel gazing. There were these tiny drops of aha! moments that created a tsunami of thoughts. Each one flowing over my brain like milk in a bowl of cereal. Trying to explain it to anyone has been impossible, and all I could say to my husband was that my creative brain decided to reboot itself back to 2013 settings.
The hard part of healing after life borrowed your creative energy for survival is when your soul says, “Hey, you tell folks all the time they are made in the image of an energy that creates, therefore you are also a creative being,” but the rest of you is like, “No. Nope. Not Today.” Writing is second nature to me, and is honestly so much a part of my life that my tagline should be, “I have a story for that,” instead of “Everything I’m about to tell you is true.” So while I was trying to write things this week, and nothing would come out, it was clear that changes were coming my way.
Oh, yes…yes those are vultures, and they are my friends. If you call them little babies, they will swoop down to visit. And before y’all come over here with your scary stories, or how you Pappy said they mean this or that, just know that I’ve studied this land for nearly 25 years. They are not a portent of doom and/or gloom, nor will they eat your face. In fact, if they weren’t here, we would be up to our pits in carrion. We fear them because they represent the part of life that is the end, and what truly comes after our body stops working. Honestly, I can’t imagine being a first human and seeing this big old bird having a meal from a long gone animal. It would seriously weird me out, but also…if I was hungry…that bird might be the best teacher. Again, before you wanna say gross, or that’s not right, sit in nature for a bit to see how the process of model/rival works. We are, after all, human animals, and we got to where we are now by observing the natural world around us.
During this whole week of transformation, while out and about, I had a whole creative idea flash through my mind quicker than the AI can tell you how wonderful you are (because it is coded to do so, but that’s a story for another day). That kind of process was dulled by those years of smiling for the camera, so to speak, and walking as close to the standards of cultural normality — at least here in the States — that I had the ability to do. While it was performative, I was not performing. Not to sound dramatic, but the fate of my family depended on me showing up like someone I am not. This wasn’t inauthenticity, as no matter what life brings us we are being authentic in our experiences. That’s not a what is the sound of one hand clapping koan, or teaching story, but a tangible reality that none of us can escape. No matter what we are doing, or how we are doing it, in that moment we are engaging a part of our true self. Which, for me, there’s an aspect of my personality that is just some woman from Kentucky doing her best in chaotic moments.
Anyway, this creative idea that I had started with painting, then crochet, and after that photography. Literally in the span of like maybe 3 seconds, my brain laid out this beautiful storyboard of ideas. It just felt really good to be back in that zone again, but it did sort of run me off the rails. But you know, life is one long river, and time doesn’t go anywhere. Maybe some past, or future, me stepped into my current timeline to show me a way out of the mire I didn’t know I was still in.
It was no surprise when my spiritual side lit up as well. I also had to put that part of me to the side during the time of caring for my family where all my energy was needed to keep us going. In my life I’ve seen how everything is connected so many times that any other examples are just overkill. It’s about metaphysics and science meeting up and having the best tea party ever. Also, the Universe is always talking to us, and it’s quite egotistical to think that it isn’t…or that we somehow know more than creation itself.
With all this going on it was hard to sit in front of my screen pondering what to write to all y’all. My fingers wanted to talk about the beauty of being human, and my mind was all aflutter with stories of grace. However, when I opening the site, got that new post ready, everything went blank. I’d get a drink of water, do the dishes, and use all the techniques writers use when feeling a block, but none of them worked. After pondering it a bit, I remember that sometimes we carry stories that are only for ourselves. Telling them to others would sort of swoosh the magic of it away, or introduce doubt into the process due to the opinions of others. So I sat with it, parsed out the aspects that were okay to share — waiting for the right time to come back to my characteristic rambling.
Which was today, with a new Moon “in the neck,” aka Taurus, to share a part of my life with the world. I’m still trying to figure out what to do with this space, but thankfully the Universe helped me out a bit. For now I’m just gonna keep showing up; keep telling tales.
First of all, I’m a delight. Second, it seems I’m addicted to learning.
“Self-education is, I firmly believe, the only kind of education there is.” ― Isaac Asimov
Today I stumbled upon an article about piece of the Iliad being found with a mummy. It’s pretty interesting, and you can read it by clicking the hyperlinked text above.
For this week’s podcast I was going to discuss coming back to the art world, but the Universe had a different plan. Don’t worry, I’ll get there, but until then feel free to gives this a look.
Today’s post is this cloud. It wants me to tell you that it misses you.
Sometimes writing doesn’t arrive at the time you need it, like this week for example. I’ve been busy with some other things, while also getting ready for this week’s episode of The KimboBurly Tales.
You know, it’s a perfect day for an early afternoon cup of coffee and maybe some window shopping at the Dollar Tree.
First of all, I’m a delight. Second, life is one lone mysterious river of wonder.
If you take this image pixies will find you.
“I do not wish to talk about myself because I hold very deeply the belief that what is important is the work, not the person.” ― Remedios Varo
This whole week has been full of shenanigans and wonkiness. Everything from power outages to deep thoughts that ran amuck. I talk about it in this week’s podcast over at Mom’s Strange Magic, but wanted to say a few words here, too.
A wee bit ago I was able to see a Remedios Varo exhibit in Chicago. While the whole trip was life changing, reminding me that everything isn’t about us (meaning not everything in the world revolves around you, or me, or all humans), I was also able to see the things I love in their full form. That’s a whole tale and a half, but not for this post. Nor is the magical tale of seeing the original works from one of my favorite artists (side note, I was able to see another exhibit from another fave artist, Georgia O’Keefe during my next trip to Chicago), as that would be several paragraphs of ramble that would read like a fan-girl ramble.
So this week, it’s been an interesting one, so I have had to dwell in the land of uncertainty. That place used to really make me feel like my skin was crawling, but now it’s like the Universe is nudging me to stop, breathe, and get recentered. Honestly, between you and me, that is what was needed. You know, just some good old-fashioned WTF is going on right now energy. Some people need quiet to create, others hide themselves away from the world, and some wait for inspiration. Me? Well as soon as that wild hair starts blowing in the wind, the ideas start flowing. In my younger years I made notes, stuck them in a journal, then came back to them when the time was right. Now it’s a race to find a piece of paper to put in a journal before the idea floats away. It’s not an aging brain, nor a health issue, or even my creaky joints, but the fact that I’m out of practice. During the time I was caring for my family, there was no time to engage creativity. It was literally one foot in front of the other, every day, for nearly 11 years. And you wanna talk about uncertainty…that was like boot camp for being able to handle any kind of stress. 10 of 10 I **don’t** recommend.
Speaking of ideas, one or two just popped into my noggin, which means there are only a few short minutes to get them on paper. This means that I’m going to do an abrupt sign off — but that’s okay, what isn’t written here is in the podcast. Y’all keep shining brightly as the Sun.
First of all, I’m a delight. Second, when you’re creative world relies on energy, you must get creative during a power outage.
“There is no such thing as a weird human being, It’s just that some people require more understanding than others.” ― Tom Robbins
As mentioned above, the power went out today. This means that my time in my wee little office was cut short, and I (*gasp*) had to rely on the old fashioned tools our ancestors once used. No, not stone tablets, but close enough — just a book filled with paper and a writing instrument.
During this time of living like the early settlers of the state where I live, or any early settlers, it seemed the perfect time to run a few errands. This trip somehow made me arrive at a craft/art store, which is shocking. Not only that, I also stopped by my local (free) public library to pick up a book on creative techniques. Really kicking in old school today, y’all.
The thing about my life is this…it’s always interesting. You might think I get a break from the tomfoolery when sleeping, but you would be wrong. Not only are my dreams in full technicolor, with smells and such, they are a beautiful marriage between the art of Dali, Picasso, Van Gogh, Georgia O’Keefe, Remedios Varo, and Hilma af Klint. Or like all the Sid and Marty Krofft shows for kids in the 1970s. Today was just that kind of day, where I was so in the zone, had things flowing from my fingertips, and then there was a very loud boom that turned the lights off.
In yesterday’s post I dared — DARED — to speak of the future. Sometimes when my words/voice say, “Hey, guess what’s coming up,” it’s like the Universe says, “Are you sure? Are you sure about that?” This might also be how the Muses and the Fates work together to move me in another direction. Honestly, that was a great idea because at the moment the power went out I was ruminating on the large amounts of AI written articles here and on other platforms. Like I get it, truly I do, but also…stop getting AI to write for other AI to read. Give the machines a break. Plus, the more you saturate the freeways of digital information with its own information, that clogs it up for the rest of us. Also, I think we are all tired of content creation influencer jargon dressed up to be non-performative creativity. See there, I was about to get a ramble going, but thought better of it.
Honestly, I kind of needed a day away from my desk, and to wander the world a bit. Apparently that wild and wonderful unknowable force called The Universe knew exactly what was needed.
First of all, I’m a delight. Second, we are all artists.
“This world is but a canvas to our imagination.” – Henry David Thoreau
If we, made in the image of a creator (science or spiritual), then we are also creators. When I taught art classes, that was always my opening statement, along with the ins/outs of the art world. My goal with every student was to help them understand that creating for the joy of it is part of who we are.
For a long time I made art to support my family – everything from abstract art to mosaics to Zentangle. There were words, images, stories, all formed by the overwhelming urge to remind others how magical humans can be. It was absolutely where I wanted to be in my life, and was doing pretty okay in the professional creative world.
The thing about being an artist is that you have to produce items, or at least talk about the processes of what you are making/writing. That was going pretty okay for me, with some art shows under my belt, classes, and even a few articles in the local newspapers. Then something happened that shifted everything that gave me an almost 11 year hiatus of everything in my life. While the Universe might have known what was up, it took me just a little more time to see the wisdom in those changes.
What got me through those moments was the support from my wee little family — my husband and our kids — who have always believed in me. Better stated, we all stood together, making sure that everything would be okay. It is hard to explain the levels of gratitude I have for the ability to persevere through some of the wildest moments of my adult life, and to also have the resources to keep all of us afloat. Sometimes when I look ahead to my goals for bringing my pieces back into the world, my being fills with feelings of grace.
This week’s episode of The KimboBurly Tales will be about some of this, and how to find your way back home to yourself. Most likely I’ll write about up until that day, so be prepared to read a ramble or seven.
It’s a beautiful Monday, and I think the best way to enjoy it is to get out some yarn, sit on the porch, and have gratitude for the little things.
Kim Upton 