”Dare to declare who you are. It is not far from the shores of silence to the boundaries of speech. The path is not long, but the way is deep. You must not only walk there, you must be prepared to leap.” – Hildegard of Bingen
In my stack of things there is a notebook with the title, “Things to write about for my website.” Under each topic there are websites, notes on how to make sure all my SEO things are in order, and interesting tidbits about my experiences with whatever it is that seemed interesting enough to be recorded. Rarely do they ever appear anywhere online, and when I look at ones from years ago I’m like, “You know, maybe I should write about this…”
Then I don’t, or didn’t…because of these feelings that come up. Some of them are my own, while others come from people that apparently live in my noggin rent free. While I could say the long list of reasons this happens, in hopes that you will align with those moments and feel connected…therefore loving this post and sharing it with others, that’s not who I am. It’s also who I don’t want to be in the work I do, the relationships I have with others, or as a random entity in a sea of online personas. The important thing I hope you gather from this post, and this week’s podcast, is that the person you are in amazing. There are no viral videos that will change that, nothing you can share on social media that will convince me otherwise, or whether you like me back.
That’s right, it’s okay if you don’t like me.
You see, for years I worked very hard to have others like me. While in my day to day work I would tell clients how amazing they were for standing in their authenticity – in whatever form that was – I was over here trying to push my square peg into a circle shaped hole. Sad thing is…I didn’t even realize that it was happening. While I would have chats with Mr. The Mister from time to time, with his advice giving me solace for a moment, the minute I’d step away from the safety of those conversations, my brain would wander right back into the land of shifting my comfort levels to fit in with experiences that were never for me.
This year has been one precipice moment after another. It felt like a weird version of The Princess And The Pea, but in a more introspective way. No Queen was testing to see if I was fit for her son, but that with each layer removed I came closer to what prevented me from getting rest. Each little inconvenience just piled itself on top of the others, leaving me feeling raw, out of place, and a bit untethered.
Then I went to Chicago. In today’s podcast I talk a little bit about it, but I’m still trying to find the “right” words to convey what happened. And then, when I came back, each day offered up a new lesson and new ways to grow into whatever change happened while riding the L.
With that, the link to today’s podcast is below. It’s a little longer than usual, so grab a cup of your favorite drink and take some time to enjoy the words I’m sharing.
Much love,
KEU
Today’s Podcast
Kim Upton 