art – Kim Upton

Analog(ous) (Advent 2025)

“The journey is what brings us happiness not the destination.”
― Dan Millman

First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, everything I’m about to tell you is true.

One only has to travel a few posts back to see how my relationship with being online is tenuous, irresolute, and somewhat curmudgeonly. As someone born in the 1970s, I’ve watched technology go from talking wrist watches in Dick Tracy to wearing something similar that I’ve nicknamed Santa Claus (“it sees you when you’re sleeping, it knows when you’re awake…it knows if you’ve been bad or good…”).

When I was 17 my Mom sent me to buy cigarettes, which was not a huge deal…so I’d often buy some for myself and others. Same with beer and alcohol. Sure you were supposed to be 21 to get the intoxicating elixirs such as Boone’s Farm, or cherry vodka, but in reality if the owner knew your parents, and didn’t act fishy, it was pretty easy to get whatever your little teenage heart desired.

Sure, part of that is the benefit of living in a small fairly rural community, but I’ve heard stories from my peers about the same kinds of things. That and drinking from the garden hose, or remembering the ads telling our parents to make sure we were home. We weren’t the first to be called latch-key kids, but our plights made the evening news almost weekly.

In short we were feral – free to just experience life as dangerously as we wanted. I mean our parents literally tried stuffing as many people as they could in a phone booth, or *gasp* driving in cars without seatbelts. It was a great time to be alive.

Also, we didn’t have little devices tracking our every move, sending us deals on the soap we just purchased at the store, or allowing us to see half way around the world. Sure, we had MTV, CNN, and all that, but when we turned off the television it wasn’t tracking our sleep habits.

I’ve shared this before, but I think it needs to be posted once again. That quote in the middle is from me. I was working for WKU’s computer service department, and was there when the university was connected to Internet. Not “The Internet,” just Internet. Even better, I taught others how to use Internet, so we could all access the “…unlimited amount of knowledge out there.”

Later I would work for a local ISP where one of the customers sent quite a huge amount of “herbal supplement” emails out to folks. Or, as we call it now…spam email. It was glorious – the job not the spam – and for a few shot moments it felt like we (all of humanity) had the opportunity to truly be connected to each other. Wars could end, people could learn from each other, the dawning of the age of Aquarius had begun!

Not much after all this joy I read a book called Neuromancer by William Gibson, and started learning all I could about Artificial Intelligence. (those hyperlinks will take you to Wikipedia – which love it or hate it, is a great place for spending hours learning about everything you can)

So y’all know, I could really get super long form here with charts, more funny memes, and a lot of waxing existentially into “ah, those were the days,” but today is not that day. Not because I’m not up for a good yarn or two – mostly because I’ve been really enjoying the analog world these days. Before coming to wrap this post up I spent 10 minutes cracking up at the outdoor bird antics. I mean, you know, how do they have fun if no one is recording it? I kid, but also, I kid not.

In all of these words there a point, and it’s that time is short. It’s not my place to tell others what to do with their minutes each day, nor is it really any of my business. As I walk through some new stages in my life, some new perspectives have been gathered. If I can talk directly to someone instead of accessing them through their social media, that’s what I do. Also, it has been rather enjoyable to take little trips into town for coffee and a visit to the local library. Not everyone needs access to me 24/7 (other than family), nor do I need 24/7 access to everyone else.

It is okay to take time from being online. Sounds wild to say it in an online blog post, but maybe it is something you needed to hear today…especially from someone who was there when “Internet” went from text based to WYSIWYG. Which, honestly, is my admittance of using online social media sites for much longer than I needed. And…well…letting what those sites dictate my sense of well being and happiness.

In conclusion (said in my best high school term paper voice), time is an enormous long river, and I want to be more present in the feeling of the water stream over my feet. While I do have some projects in the works, I’ve made some very doable schedules that make room for watching a stream live instead of a live stream.

With that, I’m off to see what the birds are doing. Thanks for being here – I’m sending you tons of support and good energy.

Much love,
~ KEU

* 35 days

snowy evenings (Advent 2025)

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
By Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Woke up to a delightful snowfall, blanketing the world with a shimmering hue of wonder and delight. Immediately I thought of this poem, then grabbed my camera to snap this pic (1/17s; 6400 ISO; f/1.6).

When the weather gets a little intense that means some extra work around the house. Now that I’m sitting my eyes have become mighty droopy and need some time to doodle and ponder.

I hope all is going well for you, and that the light of the upcoming full moon is shining loving support all around.

Much love,
KEU

* 39 days

creativity after chaos

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, I hope you see the whole of the Moon. (hat tip to Mike Scott and The Waterboys)

This is going to be a pic heavy post, so get yourself ready…

article from Today's Woman in Louisville, KY from 2005

Honestly, I don’t know where to start with this, but the Moon is full, and I’ve been left unattended. Also, I’ve been trying to write this post for about 4 months, and my brain needs to let it out into the world – just done holding onto it for reasons that make sense only to me.

But first…a wee little pic of a full Moon from my archives. If you wanna know all the deets, here they are – shot on an iPhone (12) with the aid of a telescope. Also, you should know that this beautiful jocular orb is a big deal in my astrology chart. I’m all watery in the cosmos, letting my intuition and emotions shine a light on the parts of me that need it most. Which, and this is foreshadowing, got me through 2023. Well, and the years before that, but for today let’s just focus on one particular timeframe. That will keep the squirrels in my noggin happy. Remember, I warned you this is gonna be pic heavy…

It all started with a quadruple hit of viruses. Please feel free to hit up Google scholar, or your favorite medical database to see how this can happen. While I do have some genetic anomalies that make life interesting, my immune system is not too shabby. So, yeah, Spring-ish of 2023 the Universe decided to give me some lessons. But first, here’s a digital piece I created before all the shenanigans began.

digital art of a full moon reflecting on a mountain lake

While it would be easy for me to turn this into some kind of soliloquy and/or monologue – which I mean it is my site and all – it is important for me to stay on track. Let’s see if that actually happens.

In life there have been health challenges that gave me a run for my money, but nothing was as debilitating as what happened in 2023. I was deathly ill for two weeks, and mostly ill for a month. It was so bad that for 3 days in a row it was my fondest wish to take a “nap” for a really, really long time. My dreams were tactile and full of information, taking me to places no one had business visiting. Fevers are wild, y’all, and they do things to your noggin that can take years to heal…especially if you have a TBI from 8th grade. And, you know, that TBI happened in art class (my fave after literature and history), taking my sight for 24 hours and leaving me with this whole thing around creativity. That’s a story for another day, but y’all need to know about it because of what lies ahead…

Gotta admit, this is not one of my most favorite photos, but I was hugely pregnant, and the lighting was not-so-great. Side note, my dear sweet sweetie (you’ll see him below) build that marble maze toy. That man is a woodworker/carpenter/human extraordinaire.

When things got back to normal-ish, things in my system were not as they once were. I couldn’t sit for long periods of time, my ability to create was hampered by headaches that brought mind wandering, and nothing was working the way it needed to for my general happiness/well being. It sucked. People got mad at me because plans had to be cancelled, I gave up my thriving practice, and my moods were solemn. It was not a lot of fun.

They July came, my birthday in fact, and my dear sweet sweetie got shingles.

Yes, I’m wearing some kind of Halloween shirt in this photo – because for me everyday is Halloween…

This is Mr. The Mister and myself hanging out in our home. My oldest, by one minute, took this with her delightful Polaroid. If you can’t tell, our faces are saying, “Holy sh*t, we made it through 2023.” Those wee little zosters tried to take down my very best friend in all of time and space. In some kind of bizarre parallel, he spent 3 full days laying on the couch while I hovered over him doing all the incantations, prayers, and magic my recovering body could muster. We both have scars from that precarious time.

Then came Chicago… (see, this is a whole story that should be told in parts, and that will most likely happen that way, but for today you get the whole buffet)

Now this one will have it’s own post eventually, but the big takeaways are that: 1) I had a whole spiritual experience on the L; 2) I got to see the artwork of Remedios Varo up close and personal. Like this one…Creation of The Birds.

a photo of Creation of Birds by Remedios Varo

I mean the trip was a whole thing, and it was healing for me in so many ways. Everything just felt alive with hope and joy.

But wait…there’s more…

Not long after this Great Awakening, the best dog in the whole world (so much so that there would be no other dogs as good as he was) passed away. It was a blessing to sit with him during his last 12 hours. When my husband got home so we could take him to the vet, Frodo (yep, that’s the name he came with) stood up and gave a happy greeting. My training as an End Of Life Specialist aka a Death Doula (of which I will write more about later) helped me process what was going on around this beloved being with four paws. My husband, dear Mr. This Mister, was with Frodo in his last minutes because I couldn’t get out of the car due to the intense weeping and wailing. My soul was broken, and I screamed to anyone who could hear me, that this was, in fact, the absolutely worst year ever.

By the end of 2023 my circuits were fried. People were mad at me, I’d given up on what I love, my career had tanked, and I was desperately fighting to find my way out of a maze of emotions. Al of this was the tip of the iceberg, really, because 2024 came with a new job for Mr. The Mister, the end of a decade long trek in the modern U.S. health system with my youngest, another trip to Chicago, more people being upset with me, boundaries being crossed, and holy effing sh*t – would it never end?

2025 started out a little better. My ability to do things, after two years of working hard to recover from the virapocalypse, was returning. There are some things that still are difficult, like driving, but nevertheless…I persisted. Good stuff was coming my way, like being a part of the design team for Crafty Lisa’s Vintage, my family and a dear friend sharing their support for my ideas, and life presenting an opportunity for me to stand my ground.

And then I remembered these things… (see pics below)

And…this…that still has plenty of story time left to share.

painting of a unicorn with a magazine cover with JFK on the front

For the past 38 days I’ve been consistently creating from the chaos that was the last decade. The point in sharing all of this isn’t for some kind of weird internet fame, or whatever it is that makes Al’s Gorithms and the Bots happy, but for anyone who has been going through tough stuff. Sometimes it takes as long as it takes, and life isn’t always giving us golden tickets of grace and ease. Along with that my hope is that those who are in a similar resource situation as my family will know they are not alone. Healing isn’t something everyone has access to, and I fully understand that creativity is a luxury for many.

Every day is an exercise in trusting that the Universe knows what’s up – and being absolutely grateful for everything that has happened. What I’ve learned is that this is not the time to hide your light under a basket, and that shining your weird light for others isn’t just a beacon…but more like a bridge of mirrors. Being who you truly are reflects into the hearts/souls of those around you. Life is just a blip in the cosmic timeline. Remember, we were made from creativity, an explosion of spirit/science (or whatever your belief system(s) might be), so all the ways we live are some aspect of that which made us. Or, better worded, we are the creators we’ve been waiting for…

Phew…alright y’all, it is a glorious day here, and I’m gonna park myself on the porch to practice my drawing skills. Know that you are loved, supported, and I see you over there shining brightly as the Sun.

To be continued…

Much love,
~ KEU

This post was written with the help of friendly cats and typo fairies. Please excuse all grammar errors as flights of fancy. If you would like to help appease my editors, you can drop a few coins into my coffee jar. As previously mentioned, quite often, I’m coming back to this creative life after a long period away. If you’ve read this far, know that your time is greatly appreciated.

Currently listening to: The Tales of KE Upton (Spotify playlist – which I know everyone is leaving, but it’s the best I can do with the resources I have at this time)

the fickle nature of bots

Everything I’m about to tell you is true…

First of all, I am a delight. Second, all of us are content.

“Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.”
― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

black and white photo of a candle in the darkness

In the Before Times, around 2005 or so, it was very easy to become popular on the internet without doing much work. All you needed was a site on blogger, some captivating descriptions in your meta data, and an account on MySpace. Or, in my case, an account on LiveJournal…this kind of not-so-underground online cafe of sorts.

In those days folks could read your work for free – zero paywalls, very little ads, and no push for turning your life into a side hustle. If you were lucky enough to get another popular person to green light your work, it helped elevate your stats to get top ranking. The statement, “likes for likes” isn’t new – us elder social media users made liberal use of those words as we frantically clamored to reach the stars.

But now? It seems we are not in Kansas anymore, Toto.

So you know, I’m not about to give a scathing exposition on the nature of how modern humans use the internet. There are a lot of other folks doing a way better job at that than I am.

It’s just, I don’t know, it feels as if we’ve become hybrid humans trying to convince each other we are real.

“Look at me, look at me
Just called to say that it’s good to be
Alive in such a small world
I’m all curled up with a book to read
I can make money, open up a thrift store
I can make a livin’ off a magazine
I can design an engine
Sixty-four miles to a gallon of gasoline”
– Handlebars, Flobots

A few days ago I learned that people will not like your posts because it messes with their carefully tuned algorithm. Back in my day, if we saw a grainy photo of a cat looking out the window, then read a typo-infused manifesto about the beauty of bread dough, we immediately hit the “like” button. Not only that, we left comments that said, “OMG, what an adorable kitten,” or “Bread dough is lyfe.” And friends, I cannot even express the sheer joy of being about to write, “First!” on someone’s post. Or laughing over “All your base are belong to us.” We thought the internet was going to make us happier people, a brave new world of real connection.

Along with the algorithm thing, I learned that there are bot farms ready to jump on content to make it go viral so you can pay the bot farms to make you go viral. On a site that shall not be named, something I shared got a bunch of likes very quickly, which apparently triggered one of these bot farms. Imagine my surprise to see a ton of notifications when I stopped in to look at my feed. And not just that, there were multiple comments with the exact same words: “OMG! Love your content!! Reach out to us for a brand deal!” Did the people working on the bot farms not add in some code that says something like, “if comment says ‘OMG! Love your content’ then post, ‘This is great, can I add you to my list of contacts?’.”

After my morning coffee and quiet time, I had to really think about moving forward in the online world. How can I maintain my voice in a world of fake authenticity? Will I be able to keep myself from diving into waters of the brave new world so that I can move up on the charts? Being honest with all y’all, can I shore up my resolve enough to share the things that speak deeply to my soul?

There were no clear answers, which left me with a decision – will I let the bots curate my life, or will I stand in my fullness?

I guess we will both find out as the days go by.

Just to make sure you know, all my work was created by me. No AI, no bots, no algorithms. I promise to be real – all the time – and to interact with you in the way humans are made to do. The one thing about me is that I’m far from perfect, and there are days that feel so tactile that trying to form a full sentence is like crawling across the desert for a tablespoon of water. It’s my hope to share that realness with you here (and other places) because for far too long I kept it hidden.

Well, it’s lunchtime in these parts, so I’m off to find some snacks. Thank you for being here. I truly appreciate it, and am grateful for the time you spent reading my (typo fairy edited) ramble.

Much love,
~ KEU

Be notorious

Image is a photography of feral bees getting water to drink.

“It’s so freeing, it’s beautiful in a way, to have a great failure, there’s nowhere to go but up.” ― David Lynch

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, it is my greatest goal to be absolutely notorious. Third, there is a whole group of typo fairies that follow me around.

It has been a beautifully quiet day, and I’ve enjoyed some offline writing. However, to stick with my rhythm and routine, here’s a little haiku for you.

limitless singing
spinning with divinity
cosmic engaging

May there be peace in all that you do today. May the planets align in a way that reflects your inner beauty.

Much love,
~ KEU

Hello, it’s me…

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, I don’t do niche content due to my love of both dillying and dallying. Thirdly, all grammar errors/typos are purely intentional due to the myriad typo faeries living in my laptop. Now that you know this, please carry on reading.

Everything I’m about to tell you is true.

It’s my birthday week. This happens every year in my birthday month – shocking, I know, but that’s just how life is sometimes.

One thing you should know about me is that I am a prayerful person. Not the dry and dusty prayers for the big three (money, love, health), but the kind that get down into the marrow of my being in a way that makes me believe that grace still exists in the world. Sometimes when I’m feeling a bit cheeky, or just want to experience a bit of delight, I’ll pose a question to the Universe that sounds a little like this: “Oh for the love of all things, can we please stop walking in circles?!?!?!” Other times my prayers sound like whining, proclaiming the doom, despair, and agony on me (“if it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all…”). Then there’s the happy medium that is full of gratitude for all that life has share with me.

So, yeah, now you know one of my biggest life secrets — I talk to something greater than any of us can understand. While scholars and spiritual folks duke it out online over what I’m about to say, their squabbles are not mine to monitor. The beauty of being human is seen in the wisdom of Old Turtle that reminds us that we are all loved (hat tip to Douglas Wood). With that…here goes…brace yourself for the wildness of what I’m about to say. Heck, you might want to warm up your gasping breath before reading the next few words.

Everything I’ve ever prayed for, or about, has been answered.

Let me say that again…all the things that I’ve prayed about have been answered. Not before you come at me with all your ideologies, finger pointing, and what not, just hear me out.

Prayer is not something I do to broadcast my thoughts to the world, or to seek favor for my own benefit – it is a way for me to connect with the world around me as a reminder that not everything is about me. It is how I send love into the world/cosmos, find peace with things I cannot change, and hold space for those in pain. Never once have I asked for a new car, or to win the lottery, or for those who don’t like me to look in the mirror. Mostly it is this stream of consciousness that sounds a bit like when children talk to their imaginary friends about tea parties and unicorns.

You see…in my short time on this planet I’ve had experiences that defy understanding. Stuff that took years of my life, and more stuff that required decades of research. Like the main character in The Alchemist, I’ve done just about everything (except for what was in front of me) to get answers to my soul’s questions. When you allow yourself to get all that clutter from your noggin, you see that the answers have been with you all along.

For longer than I’d like to admit, I’ve been one of my harshest critics. Right alongside that, I’ve allowed others to rain on my parade. Yep, you read that correctly, with my permission I willingly gave my power over to folks who took advantage of the places where I was broken. Think of it this way — many of us will choose a familiar negative over a potential positive. It’s kind of like we Stockholm Syndrome ourselves into thinking we are better off being in the mire over trying to find someplace less mucky. Because, you know, there might be bears, or aliens, or mean people in our comment section.

There are folks in my life that love me more than I can even describe here in this space. In fact I’m lucky enough to have a whole family (spouse and kiddos), as well as mentors and friends, that have supported me no matter what. Through every up, down, and all around these humans have reminded me that one does not need to give all their light away in order to be loved.

So, this prayer stuff – lemme get my story wrapped up here so you can go about your day. Lately my prayers have been about healing the parts of me that keep me from fully loving every one and everything (oh, just so you know, my boundary skills have become powerfully strong), as well as how to navigate living with a wee bit of anxiety. While I don’t ever expect answers, they always show up. This week was no exception with the arrival of a quite hilarious, but very spot on, spam email. Not only did it say I was loved, but that the image of the image is more than the image. The words gave me some very sage advice of: “I will show you how to make a picture of you. If you don’t want to go out, you don’t want to go out. If you want to write a book, write a book, or write a book, or write a book. If you want to be a part of the world, you will be able to do it in a new way.”

** side note here: when I say “wee bit,” in reality that means soul-crushing worries fostered by PTSD (which you will learn more about in the future) and 53 years worth of stories trying to break free all at once. Also, thank goodness that my prayers of not wanting to go out were confirmed, as well as whether or not I should be writing/creating. Or, maybe, write a book…

So, yeah, that’s where I am these days. Kinda done with things that weren’t working in the first place, or trying to fit into places that require you to leave your authenticity back at home. Plus, I think maybe it’s time to stop looking outside…and starting listening to what is within.

That’s all I got for today, y’all. Lots of love, big hugs, and know that I see you shining brightly as the Sun.
~ KEU