“If the greatest prayer you ever say is thank you, it will be enough.”
Meister Eckhart
“We’re all walking lightly
We’re all walking lightly
Let these moments last
Could be gone so fast”
– “Walking Lightly,” Junip
2023 was an interesting year. Here are a few interesting bullet points…because it would take pages to share the details of every. single. thing. that I experienced.
– In the Spring I was hit with 4 different virii/viruses/illnesses/whatever at once, making me sick for a full month. There was a week where I thought, “Well, this is it. If I don’t wake up in the morning, let my family be okay,” every time I closed my eyes. Just to be clear, I wasn’t embracing an end, but rather facing what I felt was near. I’ve talked about this in other places, just a bit, and may go deeper into what transpired at a later time. For now just know this — I’m very glad to be here. Rumi really had it right when he said, “If you require healing, let yourself fall ill. Let yourself fall ill.”
– All of a sudden everyone was upset with me. Okay, not everyone, but my need to not die really caused some ripples amongst the circles of association I had. You know, I have empathy and compassion for those reactions, because it can be hard to feel as if someone has abandoned you. However, despite my explanations, or proof that my desire to live had nothing to do with anything but survival, that made me “most hated.” (This is something Mr. The Mister and I came up with years ago, and is the most apt way to explain certain situations.)
– On my birthday, Mr. The Mister and I had a very romantic date at a doc-in-the-box. We both learned so much from that experience, like: 1) don’t get sick in the United States, and 2) don’t get sick in the United States. Please know that this is not an epic rant on something I’m unfamiliar with. My work parallels the U.S. wellness system, where I advocate for my clients, friends, and loved ones. But I digress…that’s a post for another day. For 3 days and 3 nights I sat with Mr. The Mister as he worked to survive a serious health issue. Once he was better, he joined me in the Recovery From A Major Illness walk.
– Sometime near Halloween I just kind of decided that the rest of the year wasn’t going to suck. While everything calmed down a bit, this would be the start of what I’m now calling The Great Topsy Turvy Time. I experienced everything from intellectual thievery to walking 10 miles in one day. In between were little moments of beauty, dusted in magic, that transformed all the wackiness mentioned in the above bullet points. Oh, and I went to Chicago — and life hasn’t been the same since I returned. All good…just different.
Booker T. Washington
“I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.”
Today I started working on my 2024 calendar. There are already clients booking time after I come back from sabbatical (February 2, 2024), classes to finish, and life to live. For January I’ve written the above quote on each planning and notes page. Then, right below it, in glittery ink, this phrase: “Have the courage to be disliked – you are not everyone’s cup of tea…and that’s okay.” Heck, I even had a “word of the year” come to mind without looking online for inspiration — which is now written in each month’s note section.
And for those of you who might be wondering, yes…yes I’ve taken a detailed fearless moral inventory of this year to see where I could have done better. Close friends and family know that my daily inner self examinations leave no stones unturned. Having little reminders that it’s okay to live my life fully without asking permission from others is also a good way to keep oneself in check. Instead of seeking validation from outside sources, you engage your internal b.s. meter. I promise you that if you have that in working order, nothing will slip past your radar. What’s kinda interesting about all of this, is that I do this work with my clients, but have never engaged the whole “physician heal thyself” protocols for myself. Lesson learned…
Today you are invited to look at your own fears of being disliked. Find one that really pulls on your heart strings, and have a conversation with it. For example if the primary reason is a fear of rejection, take a moment to see what it tells you. Reach out to a close person in your life, write about it in a journal, or make a creative piece that embodies your healed self. Whatever it looks like, just sit with these feelings for a bit. When you’re done, take a moment to write all the things you love about yourself, then allow the feeling of knowing that who you are is amazing, beautiful, and valid.
Remember, it’s okay to feel okay, but if you start getting overwhelmed, reach out to someone. You are loved, liked, and understood by so many. Don’t let the opinions of others dull your shine. I see you doing great things – keep going!
Much love,
KEU
Kim Upton 