Kim Upton

snowy evenings (Advent 2025)

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
By Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Woke up to a delightful snowfall, blanketing the world with a shimmering hue of wonder and delight. Immediately I thought of this poem, then grabbed my camera to snap this pic (1/17s; 6400 ISO; f/1.6).

When the weather gets a little intense that means some extra work around the house. Now that I’m sitting my eyes have become mighty droopy and need some time to doodle and ponder.

I hope all is going well for you, and that the light of the upcoming full moon is shining loving support all around.

Much love,
KEU

* 39 days

Reclaiming (Advent 2025)

First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, everything I’m about to tell you is true.

“It is important to expect nothing, to take every experience, including the negative ones, as merely steps on the path, and to proceed.” ― Ram Dass

Today is the second day of Advent. While I’m not particularly aligned with any faith system, this time of year has always held a special place in my heart. Maybe it’s the genetics, as my Ancestors would have been settling in for a long winter full of darkness and cold. Or, it could be that I was raised in what might be called a “liberal” Catholic Church. Whatever it is, my non-denominational hillbilly mystical self just loves the thought of spending 4 weeks in contemplation. Although, if you ask my spouse, he would tell you that I’m always pondering something.

Before I get my yarn going, let me take a moment to wish you Rabbit! Rabbit! This is a folk practice that seems to have originated with the British during the early 1900s. This tradition has travelled through other cultures, and has come to reside on the internet where well meaning people want to argue about it. My thought on all of it is this – I’m saying to you, with the utterance of “Rabbit!! Rabbit!!” (and sometimes it’s fun to add an extra Rabbit!! because that’s how the old stories go with things being in threes and all), that it’s my fondest hope that your month is full of grace and ease. With that out of the way, lemme get down to the nitty gritty…

For the past little bit I was stuck in a boot loop, returning to a place where I got stuck. When things like this happen with our technology, we keep turning it on/off again in hopes that this time something magically change. However, when anything just keeps circling round and round, nothing will stop it until it meets an equal, or opposite, force. Again, these are things we know about our physical world(s). When this happens to our emotions or spiritual path, we grasp at straws to find answers. “Why did [insert faith system top boss here] do this to me? What prayers/offerings/etc. do I need to offer to stop suffering like this? Why me? Let me tell everyone on the internet about this…” Okay, that last one was, shall I say…a wee bit snarky – not just to the global culture, but for myself as well. Because, you know, I have – in the past – had a little issue with wanting to tell all y’all about my life as if no one else was going through sh*t.

So…yeah…this loop stuff…

Sometimes humans get bad data from other humans. This info can give you a serious case of WTF, creating a non-stop thought train of, well, WTF. Somehow we have become a culture of I’m right, you’re wrong, with some dogmatic pronouncements that bear no resemblances to the original connection. That’s what happened to me, and it kept me in this never-ending black hole of brain rot for quite some time.

Honestly, I think it was more like the stories of how elephant trainers put the babies on chains so they couldn’t get away. After some time of this the tether would be removed, but the belief of being tied up was already put into long-term memory. They didn’t try to escape because they believe they were still unable to get away. It was a loop of better the enemy you know, than the enemy you don’t know. Well, that and a lot more in the realm of animal/human psychology, but the purposes of this post, let’s just say that sometimes the memories of being held back stick with us for a lot longer than we can ever imagine.

Now I don’t know how this happened, or when, but one day I metaphorically looked down and saw that my feet were no longer in the loop. At first this was pretty terrifying, because I’d become acclimated to this whole smokescreen handed to me by people that had received bad data. Kind of like when you are in a spiral of sadness, and others in that spiral gravitate towards you. That is…until you say, “Hey y’all, look, the sadness is gone…I’m feeling hopeful again.” What you hope to hear is, “Hey, that’s great, how can we support you in this journey,” but what often comes your way is, “Have you seen the news, here’s some angry social media, can any of us ever be happy…” and just – holy moly – a lot of b.s. crashing out at the fact that you found a light at the end of the tunnel.

What all those influencers and self-help authors often leave out is that when you step outside of the expectations of others, it can get very, very lonely. It also challenges your decisions to have better boundaries…going back to that whole “enemy you know” thing. So when you are out there flapping your arms like one of those blow-up creatures in front of a store, the vulnerable parts of yourself start whispering to you with little digs – not-so-great people are better than no people; who do you think you are; don’t you want some validation – like, y’all…no joke, those little negative talkers in our brain can do a number on your mental health.

But then, all of a sudden, after a very long time, you get comfortable with the fact that feeling better in your body, mind, spirit, is not worth stepping back into the circle/loop. When you get a text, message, or email with words clearly laid out to upset you, there is no sting and no reaction. You don’t feel defensive, or not heard, or even worried that you will be alone your whole life with everyone in the world hating you – it’s just like, “Yep, that’s weird, I’m not engaging with that crap anymore.” You become like a grey rock where everything is “that’s great,” or “wow – that must have been wild to experience.”

Now, there are moments when I really do want to step back into that loop because it was my whole life for much longer than I anticipated. Some of it is my doing, some of it is the doings of others, and yet another part is just life. There is absolutely no need to go around pointing out the specks of wood when I’ve got a whole dang forest in my back yard. You know, glass houses and all…

Black and white photo of a rocking chair in a garage.

“Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light.” ― Madeleine L’Engle

Sometime I realized a bit ago was that every time I sat in front of a screen that connected me to a platform that was supposed to connect me to others, was that a little bit of me became performative. Along with that, I would get ranty about how this site, or that site, wasn’t behaving. All you gotta do is wander back a few posts, and you will see me yapping about how unfair it all is that no one was paying attention to me. Y’all, I ain’t above learning, and holy smokes did I learn some things recently. In some weird twist of life lessons, being deep in the darkness of my growth process, these small inner lights started forming…guiding me back to myself. Along the way I found pieces of my dreams lying on the side, so I gathered them into my little magic satchel. Further along tendrils of my creativity had become overgrown, so I nourished them back to fullness. As the light got brighter, there were human forms off in the distance – each one looked a lot like members of my wee little family. As I got closer I found that they had been there all along (and don’t say, “well duh,” because not everyone has supportive family, and for these beautiful humans to have patience with, and for, me…y’all…that’s some for real magic right there) – waiting for me to see the things they already knew.

And that’s when I knew that the loop no longer had me…

For today’s Advent thought, think of something that shines a bit of lit in parts of your life that need it.

Also, here’s the stack of what I’m reading right now. Just started “The Roots of Appalachian Christianity” by Elder John Sparks. Just a few chapters in, and I’ve already filled a few pages in my notebook. If you are interested in the faith systems of rural communities, especially in the Appalachian regions, this is a great read so far.

Much love to all y’all,
~ KEU

* 40 days

walking into webs

First of all, I’m a delight
Second, everything I’m about to tell you is true.

black and white macro photograph of a dandelion

Today it is a New Moon in Scorpio, with the last few days of the Sun also being in Scorpio. And, I mean, who among us wouldn’t want that kind of energy in our lives right now? And if that’s not enough, Mercury is currently in retrograde…just hanging out in Scorpio.

As you’ve most likely noticed, things have been pretty quiet here. After years of having folks say, “Hey, do your work in silence, then share it,” I finally listened. Now I’m over here doing all the things, but not sharing them. This is due to this back and forth in my brain about being on social media. Not a blog or website (or even Patreon), but that little weird place online where no matter how much we try to present as who we are, something happens that makes us feel like we just gotta do something to get attention. This is neither bad nor good, just what is. As strong as I thought my being was, the pull to “go viral” sneaks up and tries to take me for a ride with ego.

So what is a human to do? How do you walk with integrity to your goals and dreams, while also navigating a system that doesn’t seem to work in your favor? Do you keep banging on a door that isn’t going to open, or do you walk away and just do your thing?

These are the very same questions I sat with after taking the whole month of August to learn more about all the places one can promote themselves. If you wanna, please feel free to look at past posts. During my time away I thought about taking them down, or doing some radical changes to my site, but none of that felt like me. Also, I’ve done that so many times in my past – because you know…”I’m different now.” (insert cute eye roll emoji here) No matter how much we grow, change, or even regress, we are always going to be ourselves. There is this HUGE demand to be “authentic” online. However, what can happen – something I’ve experienced personally – is that that proclamation becomes performative. “Look at ME – I’m AUTHENTIC!” Honestly, no matter how grounded you are in your own wellness, the siren song of hanging with the popular kids can sideline even the strongest person.

Before this New Moon rolled around, I took care of some things that were long overdue — such as deactivating my personal Facebook profile. Today I’m pondering just walking away from all the Meta platforms completely, as in no more posting on any of them. While full time content creation might work for a lot of people, but for me it’s like walking into a room of unfolded laundry you put away then unfolds itself again. After working hard to get something up, my brain feels like a scrambled egg, which then gives me this feeling that I’m clearly a dunce for not just internally knowing how to do all of this…especially since I was such an advocate for “Internet.” (see pic below – my maiden name is Ericksen, BTW)

Ah…the beauty of youth… “There’s an unlimited amount of knowledge out there.” Yes, dear, there is, was, and still might be – if we all had listened to those who were trying to teach us media literacy. Even with a background in journalism and education (among other things from my college years), I got sucked into the ease of being myself in a way that got attention for being myself. Sometimes life is just like that, you know – but thankfully we get to live and to learn.

All of this brings me to the point of this post…

If you are here for niche content, lemme just warn you that this might not be the place for you. I’m going to be sharing parts of my work, my daily life, and whatever feels pulled to be shared with y’all. Life is too short to worry about the clicking-tongue Greek chorus of “Internet.” Honestly it held me back for a long time, along with some other things I’ll be discussing along the way, and I’m just very much done with constantly putting my liminal octahedron onto a very thin line. And just a lot of other things that don’t need to be rambled here.

Also, I will be utilizing my Patreon and YouTube more – and while some person out there selling $40 classes on why that’s a bad idea, please know that you will be able to find any videos/Patreon information right here.

So, without further ado…happy opening day to me. I’m back at work and have a lot of things to share with y’all. Big hugs to all of y’all that have been a huge support to me over the past however-long years. Also, a huge thanks to my family for their guidance and love.

Until next time,
KEU

took a little break

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, in the wonderful words of Granny Weatherwax, “I Ate’nt Dead.” (hat tip to Terry Pratchett)

Y’all I went to a huge music festival and came home with a virus that felt like the morbs, but was obviously a mix of heat stroke and the beginning of cold/flu season.

Then I started a new class.

Then Mr. The Mister got ill.

So, yeah, it’s been a hot minute. But I’m still here.

Sending love to all y’all.

sometimes you need a break(down)

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, well…it’s all below.

photo of a rose — This photo is protected by the fey. Steal at your own risk.

Happy Tuesday — we’ve all crossed through the New Moon, the eclipse, the changing of the seasons, and today the Sun moves into Libra. This is a long post, and I’ve been sitting with this for like a week in my drafts folder. Today I added some things to it.

In full honesty, I’ve done my best to steer clear of the news and the Greek chorus chiming in to tell us all that we are either on the right side or the wrong side — and that who we are, what we are becoming, and how we live is not how it should be. Honestly, all the “teams” want it to be their way, and to feel like it’s okay to put down those not like us. We declare others as the enemy, but fail to look behind the curtain to see who benefits from making us fight each other.

With this, I have no idea how to engage with folks — especially when they want me to dislike the same people they do. Since I’ve never really “fit in” to any group, this gives me an interesting perspective on what is happening.

This sends me back to teachings when I was younger, elders who reminded me that when the elephants fight it is also the grass that suffers. I think of the days growing up in the poorest county in Indiana listening to the old farmers talk about how they aren’t so sure these so-called helpful agencies have their best interest at heart. Kids that went to my school had their only meals in the cafeteria, and on weekends they went without.

Some of the smartest people I knew graduated in 8th grade because they had to go to work to support their family. Healthcare was a tincture or a tea, a meal from the local church, or a Psalm prayed over someone in need. While I may have seen these things through the eyes of a child, with a bit of idealism, there was the other side of the coin happening as well.

Because my family was Catholic, I was told that I would never, not ever, get to Heaven. Since my sister’s Dad had a “paper education,” (a Masters degree) we got called names at the feed store while picking up food for our livestock. My quirky nature and “sensitivity” was laughed at when I would get on the bus and cry because my socks felt weird on my feet. My best friends were the trees and wind, which also brought severe teasing by students in my school. In a middle school English class I was berated by the teacher because my paper for the topic she assigned upset her. We had to pick a sense to live without — mine was touch, which triggered some screed about being paralyzed. She did this in front of the class, and her words followed me until I graduated.

This is not just my story, as others have faced these challenges as well. And, sadly, there are folks dealing with the same kind of treatment right now — and this makes my heart very heavy.

It is no secret to anyone that deeply knows me well that relationships have often been difficult for me. Trying to explain why, or hoping that others would understand, just made it harder for me to feel comfortable in my own skin. It was never to get validation, or to be seen as something more than I am, but to share the more nuanced parts of myself. Or, in other words, it was just getting tiring to be high masking, making others comfortable so that I could feel like I had belonging.

When I was first introduced to the land of the internet, it was amazing — and I found others who wanted to info dump, felt out of place, or were walking through the land of authenticity to the best of their ability. It was such a wonderful place…until it wasn’t. When my family an I were hit with a metric ton of stress a few years ago, in need of help to a degree that we couldn’t really talk about openly, those who were once “friends” changed dramatically, saying things to me that I couldn’t believe. COVID made it worse, and to be real here…it showed me who a lot of people really were.

Now we, collectively as a human species, are in this space of deep transformation and change. We want to be right, and we want to be included in the groups of other people who are also right. Then we decide the best thing to do is fling poo at the other side, and say horrible things about them while talking about how righteous we are.

The thing is — and this will most likely be on my tombstone — we are all connected. For those who love science, but say they are better than everyone else, that means overlooking the wealth of papers written on…you guessed it…the intricate way all things in the Universe are connected. For those who love spirit, but say they are better than everyone else, that means overlooking the mystics of all faith systems that say…yep, here we go again…that we are all one in the spirit of being connected.

None of us have all the answers, and in the words of a loosely translated change maker, let those without bad deeds be the first to cast a stone (in a glass house…).

Now that I’ve lived through several raptures, many end of days, countries in chaos, people being mean to each other, and my own sets of breakdowns — all I can say is this: whether it’s the first day of the apocalypse, or the first day of peace, my work is to love all and serve all; to tell the truth and love everyone (with the caveat of having really, really good boundaries).

If you want to change the world, see yourself in the other. None of us are free when any are oppressed. Life is too short for making everything all about yourself — because none of us are immune to Lady Death, as She will come for us all. When you pass over the River Styx, into the halls of your Ancestors, or walk up to the pearly gates, or just go back to the Earth, what do you hope to leave behind?

One of my favorite sayings from Mr. Rogers is about how if you can’t find a helper, be a helper. Every single one of is struggling right now — no matter our demographic, culture, lifestyle, or beliefs. You can stand up, and stand with, others without being a jerk or passing blame.

At times like this I think of a dear friend of mine in college who was afraid to come out to their parents, so they asked me to present as their date to a family event. Something they said has always stuck with me: “I don’t want an ally in all of this, because people can easily say they are on my side. What I, and those like me, need is an advocate. Someone that is not afraid to stand together for those who need a shoulder to lean on. Words fade, but support lasts forever.”

And where do I stand, you might be asking…well I stand with love, and true inclusion. My family literally spans the spectrum of all the things, as do those they/we have in their/our communities. The only thing we don’t welcome, and have made healthy boundaries for, is hatred.

Sending lots of love to all y’all,
~KEU

Happy Feast Day of St. Hildegard

First of all, I’m a delight. Second…
“We cannot live in a world interpreted for us by others. An interpreted world is not a hope. Part of the terror is to take back our listening, to use our own voice, to see our own light.”
― Hildegard of Bingen

Just a little busy over here, but will be back soon with lots of stories! Until then, you can check out my long-form YouTube post.

Much love to all y’all!
~ KEU

you are loved and so are they

Some things to share for today…

First, please take care of yourself to the best of your ability. If you need to put down your phone, not answer texts, or whatever prioritizing your mental and physical wellness looks like – well, you have permission to do so.

Second, in times of great chaos, I do a little prayer ceremony that all energetic ties be removed from my space. Sometimes people just want to argue with you for the sake of arguing, and none of us need that in our life. Protect your peace.

When I do this I include my own behaviors that come from a reactive place. Sometimes I draw it out, and then erase the lines of connection from negative spaces/energies. And I include anything I might have picked up with “doom scrolling.” If anything shows up after that, I know it still needs some work. For example, you are working on cutting energetic ties from negative people in your life, and when done you get messages from them. When that line is cut, folks notice. Just remember that you are a beautiful, blessed, and magical human made from that which created you. Shine brightly. But also have good boundaries.

So, yeah, boundaries. No is a full sentence, as well as saying, “These are my limits, and I ask that you respect them, please.”

People that aren’t watching the news do this for their mental wellness. Can we stop shaming people who are doing what they can to keep themselves grounded in place at this time.

We are all connected. Just saying. When we use that F word (political dogmatic behavior), it can go for anyone. Forcing everyone to be the way you want them to be takes away your autonomy as well. Please understand that a lot of the people who get pulled into propaganda feel it’s a big t Truth. Say a little prayer for them, then engage the above actions – turn off your phone, cut energetic ties, bulk up your boundaries, and find your sacred center.

You are loved, and even though we don’t want to admit it, so are they. This is the underlying truth of all the world’s faith systems, and in the words of Ram Dass, if you want to be enlightened feed the hungry, house the poor – love all; serve all. Also, he says that whether it’s the first day of the new world or the first day of the end, our work here is the same – love everyone and tell the truth.
I love you with my whole heart. If you are having a rough time, please reach out to me – I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Just wander over to that “contact” link to the right.

It’s going to be okay – I’m not saying that to be flip or take away from the wildness that is 2025, but I still have hope.

Big hugs to all y’all.