Category: spirituality

shine brightly like the Sun

black and white photo of a battery operated candle on a kitchen countertop

“If everything around seems dark, look again, you may be the light.
― Rumi

First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, everything I’m about to tell you is true.
Third, this is a pic heavy post.
Lastly – there will be typos. As I’ve said before, this proves that AI wasn’t a part of this post.

This is a photo of a statue located at Bernheim Forest. At the base it says, “Let there be light” in English and Hebrew. A lot of folks don’t realize that the man who helped bring one of the most beautiful places in Kentucky to the world was Jewish. As you walk up to the overlook, there is a plaque that reads: “May light, the symbol of life and truth, illumine the paths of good citizenship and reason, and tolerance and fairness guide our relationship with our fellow men.” While I have quite a few photos of this area, this is one of my favorites. It’s like you gotta go through a bit of wildness to find light – and to really see how it (you/the world/everything) shines you gotta see both sides of life. If you wanna go a little deeper, this is absolutely giving a lot energy that says you are loved, and so are they.

The opening image, the wee candle amidst a see of kitchen counter items, is something Mr. The Mister and I purchased at Walmart over a year ago. On Hanukkah we added the batteries, flipped the switch, and let it be. It also happened to be Christmas – so we thought you know two birds are better than one. Always good to cover your bases. I mean it *was* just Yule, and other Northern Hemisphere celebrations for the return of the Sun, so we were for sure for sure (like for sure) giving all the belief/faith systems some love.

Sort of makes me think of this song by Jamiroquai…
“And I’m thinkin’ what a mess we’re in
Hard to know where to begin
If I could slip the sickly ties that earthly man has made
And now every mother can choose the colour
Of her child, that’s not nature’s way
Well, that’s what they said yesterday
There’s nothin’ left to do but pray
I think it’s time I found a new religion
Whoa, it’s so insane to synthesize another strain
There’s something in these futures that we have to be told”

Here’s where I’m gonna pull one of my world famous shifts, then pivots, because that’s how I do.

Some of you know the origin story of Mom’s Strange Magic – I’ve dabbled in sharing parts of it here and there, so there is no need to share it again. The takeaway I’d like to give you here is that it stems from what I call hillbilly mysticism, of which I would call myself a hillbilly mystic. Before the language police come after me, please know that my life makes me very qualified to use both of those words together. Grew up rural poor, studied faith systems, and believe that we come from the Earth and to Her we will return. Pretty soon you’ll hear more about these things, but today is not that day. All you need to know is that my work can easily be summed up as Mom’s strange magic. Also, I’m absolutely prepared for anyone who wants to tell me that magic is “evil” or sinful because they don’t understand the history of the word. Mom’s unusual theurgy just doesn’t have the same marketing *zing*…but anyway…

You see, my life has been a persistent walk between dichotomies. Or, as the Buddhists might say, the Universe seeks to place me in the Middle Way all the time. Yes…all…the…time. It’s like everything is a shad of grey between light and dark. My Anam Cara is my Shadow – a divine soul friend reminding me that the best way to live is to shine my weird little light for folks all of the time. And again, yes…all…the…time…

For a long time I did that without good boundaries. Let me just say that existing that way will make you lose your mind, forget your soul, and wear down your body. That’s not dramatic word wanderings, y’all – it’s just straight facts. It took me 54 years to figure out how to foster healthy borders around my life, but now that they exist they are metaphorically made of diamonds, titanium, and particles gifted to me from the Universe.

Lately the fam has been talking about how going through the very worst thing you can think of, and making it to the other side, gives you some deep perspective with a healthy dash of being prepared. Or, as the cheesy maxims on line say, “You have survived all of the bad days you’ve experienced so far.” (side note: as a spiritual director and wellness advocate, those kinds of phrases make me skin crawl a little…but you know – that’s a topic for another day)

So back to the returning of the light, the Sun, holy days, and my walk as a hillbilly mystic…

Here in a moment I’m gonna share a poem from my chap book, Blue Is The Color Of My Voice. (link takes you to Amazon, which will make some of you scream in horror, and I get it – really I do – but trying to get a publisher these days doesn’t happen unless you have 40 bajillion followers on all the “social” media platforms) You can get your own copy, and I’ll make a whopping 16 cents! Huzzah!

The above piece of art came with a used book I recently purchase (Living Buddha, Living Christ), and it was marking a page that had a heading that read: “Seeing the way, taking the path.” After a lot of reverse image searching, the only thing I could figure out about this design was that – 1) it was painted onto sycamore bark; 2) it is sometimes seen as a symbol for both the saint, and the goddess, Brigit/Brigid. Well now that’s just a fine how-do-you-do, because She is absolutely one of my faves. Not only that, She is seen as the patroness of healing, song, and art – like come on y’all…that’s some unusual theurgy right there. Years ago when I received a used copy of the Carmina Gadelica and there was one lone piece of dried Shepherd’s Purse – sometimes seen as a “sign” from Brigit that Spring is coming. The readings were 53, 54, and 55 – named Soul peace, The new moon, and Christmas hail.

Those Celtic Christians, akin to the Desert Mother’s and Father’s, knew about hillbilly mysticism. They lived in the spaces between the duality of nature and religion – seeing all of it as one body of the Divine. But this is only a mere light upon the surface of all the stuff in my noggin about such things. That means it is time to share my poem…

While writing this I’ve put a chicken in the crock pot, made some cinnamon rolls, messaged with some folks, talked to my husband, made breakfast for folks, and done a load of laundry. As you have read along you might be thinking, “Wow, this person really just has a lot of wild thoughts they put out into the world.” What’s beautiful about this is that yes…that’s exactly how it is. My life is full of being alive, and after years of trying to get the Greek chorus to stop telling me how to be, I decided that what was important for me was to show up as I am. If you and I were talking over a cup of tea/coffee, you would have my full attention. Over the past however-many-years I’ve had to keep one toe in a world that was not of my choosing…but one that had to be experienced. It’s gonna take me a little bit longer to figure out my way around this space (and online) until something settles. Plus, there are 54 years of stories all waiting their turn to be shared – making my thoughts, words, and ramblings look like that one drawer that we all have in our house.

Now let’s put all these things into my version of a stone soup post…

All of us are particles of light. Oddly, this is something that doesn’t cause a schism in the worlds of science and spirituality. There are a lot of institutions that don’t want you to remember your inner shininess because it benefits them not only financially, but because it gives them numbers for their “causes.” In all the world’s beliefs and faith systems we are gently led to find that divine spark within us – to hear the still small voice that reminds us that we are a node in the web of life. It also tells us that what others think of us is none of our business while holding our hands together in a reminder that all of us are connected. When we share love with others, we share love with ourselves, too. I’ve not met anyone that has all the answers, nor has there been anyone to have all the questions. But if you take a moment to stand between two opposites, beaming like the Sun, it might make your world a little brighter. We only get one shot in this physical plane, with time being an enormous long river – we would all get a little more peace if we just stopped for a hot minute to not make everything about just us. One day we will stuff off this mortal coil, and the edicts of those pillars will no longer have a hold on us. Best any of us can do is just walk our path, as best we can, while not throwing rocks in the steps of others.

Time to make some bread, start another load of laundry, and ponder the return of the Sun’s light here in the Northern Hemisphere…while stopping to say a little prayer for those who are about to enter a time of longer darkness…

Much love,
~ KEU

* 27 days

Happy Feast Day of St. Hildegard

First of all, I’m a delight. Second…
“We cannot live in a world interpreted for us by others. An interpreted world is not a hope. Part of the terror is to take back our listening, to use our own voice, to see our own light.”
― Hildegard of Bingen

Just a little busy over here, but will be back soon with lots of stories! Until then, you can check out my long-form YouTube post.

Much love to all y’all!
~ KEU

to forgive and not forget

First, I am a delight. Second, “I know hope, it has wings.” (hat tip to Trevor Hall)

orange, red, and yellow colored pencils with one yellow pencil showing a large crack along its side

“I always thought that anybody who told me I couldn’t live in the past was trying to get me to forget something that if I remembered it would get ‘em in serious trouble.” – Utah Phillips

We are all a little broken, and none of us are perfect. To err is human, as the saying goes, so why is it that we have such a hard time with the concept of forgiveness? Now before y’all come at me in the comments saying words about not forgiving horrible things, know that I don’t participate in stuff such as forced positivity or negation of mental health. That influencer junk isn’t what I’m saying here – it’s more about finding grace and ease with uncertainty from my perspective.

And being real honest here, I’m not sure how to share my life experiences with all y’all here on the inter-webs. First, I do like a good ramble – you know, just letting those brain squirrels out to play until they tire out and go home to rest. It’s not because I lack direction, or the ability to stay on one topic, but more like my thoughts find connections to other thoughts while my fingers are moving along the keyboard.

Second, it is very important to honor every person’s path. What is good for the goose is not always good for the gander (as the saying goes). Just because my work with forgiveness was helpful for me, doesn’t mean that it will benefit others. There are a lot of people out there who feel very strongly that their way of life is how everyone should be, which is not how I roll.

Forgiveness is about allowing healing for circumstances that are beyond my control, and for those situations where my broken parts engaged in uncomfortable behaviors. When I decided to set some goals earlier this year, I found myself stewing a bit on too many thoughts. If you’ve read some of my past posts, there’s some vestiges of that when I get a good yarn going about the artificial nature of being online. Sometimes my brain gets a little cranky at things that have nothing to do with me. Yelling into the void isn’t helpful, neither is complaining about Al’s Gorithms and The Bots. Plus, that’s not what I want to give my energy to on a daily basis. But I will say that it did feel good to get all that off my chest.

The other bug tussle here is that the brain just loves holding onto memories – even if we think it isn’t. You see, there’s a huge supercomputer in your skull that is constantly taking in information so that it can help you stay upright. If it senses something might be hazardous for you, which in reality makes it kind of a self-serving organ (which could be its own post), you get a flood of information that hopefully helps you make a better choice. Just like the elephant, your noggin never forgets.

Let’s say you’ve done a lot of work to forgive someone for not returning a phone call that was important to you. With a little time we realize that we are not in control of everyone, but that emotion hangs out a bit longer influencing other parts of your life. Now you have this feeling just wandering around without direction, waiting for an opportunity to show you what it thinks is a pattern. Then one day you trip over something your housemate left on the floor, making you angry at the fact that no one ever pays attention to your needs.

So…yeah…we’ve all been there, and it’s never any fun when it happens.

For me to move forward in my life I had to stop allowing little things to pull me off track. That meant taking a full inventory of the times my feelings were hurt, as well as the moments where I upset others. This week seemed like the perfect time to do this, so I took a fearless moral inventory of all the times life seemed really unfair. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, because the list went deep down to the marrow of my core memories. Looking at the pages of these painful blips of my history, I just felt the need to draw little hearts around all the words. My soul felt heavy with sadness for those who had hurt me (or my family), and my being was remorseful for the times my actions were hard for others. After that I wrote out this sentence: “May all be forgiven, and may I forgive myself, too.”

Then I cried.

See, the thing here is that I’m never going to forget any of those events/situations, but I can stop letting them pester me all the time. Those emotions aren’t going to be metaphorically stuck to the bottom of my shoe anymore, and the steps in my journey will be lighter.

The side effect of all this was being able to see where my boundaries needed more work, as well as being a little more careful where I share my energies. I don’t know, y’all, it was just a whole thing, and trying to put it into words here is like trying to nail water to the wall.

So I’d like to do something here that is important for me as a creative and spiritual person.

If I’ve upset you in any way, I offer a sincere apology – and am here to talk about it if you find that helpful. To those that have hurt my family or me, you have my forgiveness. If I have crossed a boundary in your world, I am sorry. For those who have crossed the boundaries of my family and me, you are forgiven – but please know that we reserve the right to refuse your presence due to past actions.

With that, y’all, I’ve got some things to take care of today – I’ll get back to my wild and full of multitudes content later in the week. Until then know that I see you out there shining brightly as the Sun.

Much love,
~ KEU

resurrection

Photo displays a statue of a woman with the words "Let there be light" written in English and Hebrew.

“How can you rise, if you have not burned”
― Hiba Fatima Ahmad

First of all, I’m a delight…

Not sure how many times I’ve sat in front of this big empty space sharing the finer details from the inner machinations of my mind, or all the ramblings about how things will be “from now on.” Also, if there was a record for transformational life experiences, I’m pretty sure I’d at least be in the top 3% of people who have walked through fires they never imagined facing.

That’s not a humble brag, nor is it one of those, “Look at me over here doing better at life when it ties my shoes together,” but more like a realization that God must be tired of trying to get my attention.

Over the past two weeks I’ve:
– filled 3 giant trash cans with things that should have been tossed long ago.
– taken two car loads of items to be donated (filling 7 carts)
– shredded old after visit summaries
– tossed genealogy research that wasn’t going anywhere
– taken a fearless moral inventory of my life
– donated 2 boxes of books
– faced my biggest fear(s)
– made a realistic set of goals
– been consistent in my daily routines
– stopped seeking approval
– become notorious
– danced barefoot in wet grass

A not-so-secret thing about is me that I’ve been a huge scaredy-cat for most of my life. Without waxing poetic, let me just say that having that shadow hang over me hasn’t done me one iota of good — especially when many of the things I worried about turned out okay in the end.

Recently the Universe decided it was ready for me to stop waffling, get my life in line, and start shining brightly. While it was just easier for me to say, “Oh, that can happen tomorrow,” thinking that was becoming a 400 ton boulder around my waist. You know, just me and this rock walking around in life trying to make folks think living this way is normal.

Them: “Hey, what’s that huge thing behind you?”
Me: “Oh, this – it’s nothing important. I’m just doing some weight training.”
My brain: “Flee you fool, they will see that it’s actually the crushing weight of things that don’t need to be worried about…ever.”
My soul: “What she’s not telling you is that she’s had big dreams for such a long time, that she’d convinced herself were impossible, so now this rock is an egregore of all the growth she’s overlooked.”
My body: “Girl, I’ve sent you kidney stones, GI problems, falling down, shingles, lower back pain, and I’m about to send you some stress related muscle issues if you don’t untie that thing from your waist.”
God/The Universe/Insert your personal belief system here: “Hold my wine…”

Something changes within you after standing up for those you love. There’s this wild-eyed freedom that you experience after walking away from a meeting with someone trying to be your adversary. Instead of self recriminations or wondering why nothing seems to go your way, while being drenched in a cortisol sweat that would rival Niagara Falls, you just keep calm and carry on. It’s the most weirdly liberating feeling in the whole world.

And then all of a sudden, but very slowly at first, you find yourself standing back in the land of your life’s dreams. Things that seemed out of reach fall into your lap, and you speak even though your voice is shaking.

For the last week of July/first few days of August, my goal was to post my creative pieces for 3 days in a row. Didn’t matter what platform, or if anyone saw it, because it’s for my own dang self. It’s like taking old muscle memories and putting them to better use. The next phase of this whole Phoenix Phase is to write something here every day. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and I won’t be looking at my stats. Because, really, life is too short of worrying what others have to say about who you are.

With that, dear readers, please feel free to hold me accountable. Nobody is above having a little nudge from time to time.

Thank you for being here, and for walking alongside me. I love each and every one of you with all my being.
~ KEU

Hello, it’s me…

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, I don’t do niche content due to my love of both dillying and dallying. Thirdly, all grammar errors/typos are purely intentional due to the myriad typo faeries living in my laptop. Now that you know this, please carry on reading.

Everything I’m about to tell you is true.

It’s my birthday week. This happens every year in my birthday month – shocking, I know, but that’s just how life is sometimes.

One thing you should know about me is that I am a prayerful person. Not the dry and dusty prayers for the big three (money, love, health), but the kind that get down into the marrow of my being in a way that makes me believe that grace still exists in the world. Sometimes when I’m feeling a bit cheeky, or just want to experience a bit of delight, I’ll pose a question to the Universe that sounds a little like this: “Oh for the love of all things, can we please stop walking in circles?!?!?!” Other times my prayers sound like whining, proclaiming the doom, despair, and agony on me (“if it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all…”). Then there’s the happy medium that is full of gratitude for all that life has share with me.

So, yeah, now you know one of my biggest life secrets — I talk to something greater than any of us can understand. While scholars and spiritual folks duke it out online over what I’m about to say, their squabbles are not mine to monitor. The beauty of being human is seen in the wisdom of Old Turtle that reminds us that we are all loved (hat tip to Douglas Wood). With that…here goes…brace yourself for the wildness of what I’m about to say. Heck, you might want to warm up your gasping breath before reading the next few words.

Everything I’ve ever prayed for, or about, has been answered.

Let me say that again…all the things that I’ve prayed about have been answered. Not before you come at me with all your ideologies, finger pointing, and what not, just hear me out.

Prayer is not something I do to broadcast my thoughts to the world, or to seek favor for my own benefit – it is a way for me to connect with the world around me as a reminder that not everything is about me. It is how I send love into the world/cosmos, find peace with things I cannot change, and hold space for those in pain. Never once have I asked for a new car, or to win the lottery, or for those who don’t like me to look in the mirror. Mostly it is this stream of consciousness that sounds a bit like when children talk to their imaginary friends about tea parties and unicorns.

You see…in my short time on this planet I’ve had experiences that defy understanding. Stuff that took years of my life, and more stuff that required decades of research. Like the main character in The Alchemist, I’ve done just about everything (except for what was in front of me) to get answers to my soul’s questions. When you allow yourself to get all that clutter from your noggin, you see that the answers have been with you all along.

For longer than I’d like to admit, I’ve been one of my harshest critics. Right alongside that, I’ve allowed others to rain on my parade. Yep, you read that correctly, with my permission I willingly gave my power over to folks who took advantage of the places where I was broken. Think of it this way — many of us will choose a familiar negative over a potential positive. It’s kind of like we Stockholm Syndrome ourselves into thinking we are better off being in the mire over trying to find someplace less mucky. Because, you know, there might be bears, or aliens, or mean people in our comment section.

There are folks in my life that love me more than I can even describe here in this space. In fact I’m lucky enough to have a whole family (spouse and kiddos), as well as mentors and friends, that have supported me no matter what. Through every up, down, and all around these humans have reminded me that one does not need to give all their light away in order to be loved.

So, this prayer stuff – lemme get my story wrapped up here so you can go about your day. Lately my prayers have been about healing the parts of me that keep me from fully loving every one and everything (oh, just so you know, my boundary skills have become powerfully strong), as well as how to navigate living with a wee bit of anxiety. While I don’t ever expect answers, they always show up. This week was no exception with the arrival of a quite hilarious, but very spot on, spam email. Not only did it say I was loved, but that the image of the image is more than the image. The words gave me some very sage advice of: “I will show you how to make a picture of you. If you don’t want to go out, you don’t want to go out. If you want to write a book, write a book, or write a book, or write a book. If you want to be a part of the world, you will be able to do it in a new way.”

** side note here: when I say “wee bit,” in reality that means soul-crushing worries fostered by PTSD (which you will learn more about in the future) and 53 years worth of stories trying to break free all at once. Also, thank goodness that my prayers of not wanting to go out were confirmed, as well as whether or not I should be writing/creating. Or, maybe, write a book…

So, yeah, that’s where I am these days. Kinda done with things that weren’t working in the first place, or trying to fit into places that require you to leave your authenticity back at home. Plus, I think maybe it’s time to stop looking outside…and starting listening to what is within.

That’s all I got for today, y’all. Lots of love, big hugs, and know that I see you shining brightly as the Sun.
~ KEU