artist – Kim Upton

Left unattended in the full moon (Advent 2025)

Unicorn in a van saying no time to explain and someone talking to a woman asking if the full moon influences them. The reply is, a little.

“Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and the stars mirrored in your own being.” ― Rumi

“You saw the whole of the moon…” – The Waterboys

Mixed media art with a tarot card (The Moon)

First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, everything I’m about to tell you is true.

My Sun sign is Cancer, ruled by the Moon, emotions, and the sacral chakra (Svadhisthana). If I ain’t feeling it, there is a really high probability that it won’t happen. The only time my intuition isn’t spot on is when I’m not listening to it. This doesn’t mean I’m out here seeing the future for everyone, but that my internal navigation system knows where to take me even if my brain feels we should go another way.

And while all this might make you think, “Oh, yeah…well what am I thinking now,” my answer will always be something like this:
“Oh…my…it is bold of you to think all I do is read minds…”

Once the look of awe diminishes, the next part is where the person will be reminded that we are all intuitive. Full stop, no need to give any deeper explanation – we all have this ability.

(patiently waits for the “but science” folks to ponder this)

Okay, so you don’t have to go down TikTok rabbit holes, or run out to get a deck of oracle cards. Intuition, at its core, is just knowing. You can call it pattern recognition, proprioception, or mystical metaphysics. As you know, we are human animals. This means that we come from the elements around us, formed into a mammalian entity, and then sent off into the world through a door that will only open for us again when it is our time to leave this realm.

Have you ever watched a storm roll in while sitting in a forest? The critters use their (*gasp*) knowing to understand the changes in pressure and humidity. Also, they hear the sounds of nature off in the distance saying, “Hey…y’all, it’s about to storm,” so they find shelter. Or, if you are a robin, that means it’s time to get the worms rising to the surface.

But Kim, you’re thinking, we can read each other’s minds…

That is not what I’m talking about – that’s being psychic, not intuition. There’s a huge difference in the two. And, just for the record, you can be intuitive and not be psychic – because we are all intuitive.

Before you spend your hard earned dollars on some social media influencer’s program, let me give you the details on how to keep track of your intuition. Have I taught this in the past? Yes. Am I going to teach it again? Who knows…but for now let me give you the contents of the entire class in a few bullet points.

When you have a “feeling” about something, write it down with the time, date, and what was going on around you.
If that thing happens, put another note next to what you wrote with the time, date, and what was going on around you.
If that thing doesn’t happen, put another note next to what you wrote with the time, date, and what was going on around you.

Do this for as long as feels right, but honestly I’d do it for a few weeks to have significant data.

Here’s an example: “On 1/17/19 I had a feeling to take the backroads home after being out all day. Nothing was going on, and getting stuck in traffic wasn’t a huge worry. Just got that ‘feeling’ to take another way.” Sure enough, there was a wreck that would have delayed me much longer than a traffic jam. I go back to my little note and write: “Major accident on usual way home (1/17/19). Took back roads and had a great talk with the passenger riding with me.”

The amount of times a client has asked me if it’s weird to have experiences like the one above happened so many times that I made a printout for them to use. Before closing for the day, let me say a few words…

Intuition does not go against and Divine Being (of your choosing) or faith system. Intuition is not at odds with the art of science – because good gods how do you think we have the things we do now? Intuition is helpful, not evil, bad, wrong, or what have you. Intuition is often deeply personal, and doesn’t always apply to others in your life. (plus, that would need to be a whole other post)

A dear friend of mine gave me this mantra/prayer many years ago, and it’s something that I say when the Moon is very full, and again when it is very New – “Let the Light shine. Let All be revealed.” Feel free to use this in your own daily practice, or when you think about it. I find that it is helpful when my brain is full of squirrels, cobwebs, or both. May this Full Moon in Gemini shine its light upon you, revealing what it is you most need to know.

Most importantly, listen to your intuition.

Much love,
~ KEU

* 37 days

No, Sis/Gnosis (Advent 2025)

“A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen

Gnosis – (noun): Knowledge of spiritual mysteries and boundaries.
No, Sis – Informal and friendly way of respectfully saying no; refers to boundaries of accepting the actions of others.

“Just as it is impossible to be at the same moment both a plant and a seed, so it is impossible for us to be surrounded by worldly honour and at the same time to bear heavenly fruit.” – attributed to Mother (Amma) Syncletica

Right now I’m literally soul deep in the mystic wisdom sharings of the Desert Mothers and Fathers. As someone that really aligns with the archetype of the Hermit, but also enjoys the esoteric dance of the Hierophant, the place of stillness offered by these ascetics challenging the status quo of the established Roman religion (aka The Holy Roman Catholic Church) feels like going home. While I might not be good at fasting, and often run around pondering instead of praying, the messages these folks shared with the world help me be a better person.

No matter who, what, where, or how we believe, be it science or spirit, the one thing that is absolutely certain is that we are all connected. What we do for ourself we also do for others, and for the greater whole. While listening to a talk by Ram Dass he talks a little bit about this, sharing what he learned in the vein of I can do nothing for you except heal myself. And, yes, we could all split hairs with this statement – goodness knows I have – but the core of it is that we are dynamic microcosms dancing around in the greater macrocosm.

Sometimes we just have to be still and know. The greater culture wants us to keep our little devices with us at all times, or to constantly be working toward some goal – but friends, even Nature takes a break from time to time. And being that we are from the natural world, that means we get time to renew, reflect, and replenish…

This week started off with no internet, then snow, and now the cold. It’s almost as if the world around me also needed a hot minute to figure some things out.

Let me also put this out there – I’m not a huge fan of the whole dogma and spiritual commercialism that has arisen from the “self care” movement. What I see is a lot of expensive things that exclude those that need rest the most. Some folks just don’t have the ability to sit in a bathtub full of flowers while reading a book and enjoying a glass of wine. While good for the socials, it’s not a reality that the world around us experiences. It also doesn’t mean you have to sit alone at an ashram waiting for a guru to give you a mantra. Although that’s cool, sometimes all you have time for is to sit alone in the bathroom.

There’s a lot more I could ramble on about, but I’ve got a full day ahead of me…and these chores won’t take care of themselves.

Much love to all y’all,
~ KEU

* 38 days

Reclaiming (Advent 2025)

First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, everything I’m about to tell you is true.

“It is important to expect nothing, to take every experience, including the negative ones, as merely steps on the path, and to proceed.” ― Ram Dass

Today is the second day of Advent. While I’m not particularly aligned with any faith system, this time of year has always held a special place in my heart. Maybe it’s the genetics, as my Ancestors would have been settling in for a long winter full of darkness and cold. Or, it could be that I was raised in what might be called a “liberal” Catholic Church. Whatever it is, my non-denominational hillbilly mystical self just loves the thought of spending 4 weeks in contemplation. Although, if you ask my spouse, he would tell you that I’m always pondering something.

Before I get my yarn going, let me take a moment to wish you Rabbit! Rabbit! This is a folk practice that seems to have originated with the British during the early 1900s. This tradition has travelled through other cultures, and has come to reside on the internet where well meaning people want to argue about it. My thought on all of it is this – I’m saying to you, with the utterance of “Rabbit!! Rabbit!!” (and sometimes it’s fun to add an extra Rabbit!! because that’s how the old stories go with things being in threes and all), that it’s my fondest hope that your month is full of grace and ease. With that out of the way, lemme get down to the nitty gritty…

For the past little bit I was stuck in a boot loop, returning to a place where I got stuck. When things like this happen with our technology, we keep turning it on/off again in hopes that this time something magically change. However, when anything just keeps circling round and round, nothing will stop it until it meets an equal, or opposite, force. Again, these are things we know about our physical world(s). When this happens to our emotions or spiritual path, we grasp at straws to find answers. “Why did [insert faith system top boss here] do this to me? What prayers/offerings/etc. do I need to offer to stop suffering like this? Why me? Let me tell everyone on the internet about this…” Okay, that last one was, shall I say…a wee bit snarky – not just to the global culture, but for myself as well. Because, you know, I have – in the past – had a little issue with wanting to tell all y’all about my life as if no one else was going through sh*t.

So…yeah…this loop stuff…

Sometimes humans get bad data from other humans. This info can give you a serious case of WTF, creating a non-stop thought train of, well, WTF. Somehow we have become a culture of I’m right, you’re wrong, with some dogmatic pronouncements that bear no resemblances to the original connection. That’s what happened to me, and it kept me in this never-ending black hole of brain rot for quite some time.

Honestly, I think it was more like the stories of how elephant trainers put the babies on chains so they couldn’t get away. After some time of this the tether would be removed, but the belief of being tied up was already put into long-term memory. They didn’t try to escape because they believe they were still unable to get away. It was a loop of better the enemy you know, than the enemy you don’t know. Well, that and a lot more in the realm of animal/human psychology, but the purposes of this post, let’s just say that sometimes the memories of being held back stick with us for a lot longer than we can ever imagine.

Now I don’t know how this happened, or when, but one day I metaphorically looked down and saw that my feet were no longer in the loop. At first this was pretty terrifying, because I’d become acclimated to this whole smokescreen handed to me by people that had received bad data. Kind of like when you are in a spiral of sadness, and others in that spiral gravitate towards you. That is…until you say, “Hey y’all, look, the sadness is gone…I’m feeling hopeful again.” What you hope to hear is, “Hey, that’s great, how can we support you in this journey,” but what often comes your way is, “Have you seen the news, here’s some angry social media, can any of us ever be happy…” and just – holy moly – a lot of b.s. crashing out at the fact that you found a light at the end of the tunnel.

What all those influencers and self-help authors often leave out is that when you step outside of the expectations of others, it can get very, very lonely. It also challenges your decisions to have better boundaries…going back to that whole “enemy you know” thing. So when you are out there flapping your arms like one of those blow-up creatures in front of a store, the vulnerable parts of yourself start whispering to you with little digs – not-so-great people are better than no people; who do you think you are; don’t you want some validation – like, y’all…no joke, those little negative talkers in our brain can do a number on your mental health.

But then, all of a sudden, after a very long time, you get comfortable with the fact that feeling better in your body, mind, spirit, is not worth stepping back into the circle/loop. When you get a text, message, or email with words clearly laid out to upset you, there is no sting and no reaction. You don’t feel defensive, or not heard, or even worried that you will be alone your whole life with everyone in the world hating you – it’s just like, “Yep, that’s weird, I’m not engaging with that crap anymore.” You become like a grey rock where everything is “that’s great,” or “wow – that must have been wild to experience.”

Now, there are moments when I really do want to step back into that loop because it was my whole life for much longer than I anticipated. Some of it is my doing, some of it is the doings of others, and yet another part is just life. There is absolutely no need to go around pointing out the specks of wood when I’ve got a whole dang forest in my back yard. You know, glass houses and all…

Black and white photo of a rocking chair in a garage.

“Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light.” ― Madeleine L’Engle

Sometime I realized a bit ago was that every time I sat in front of a screen that connected me to a platform that was supposed to connect me to others, was that a little bit of me became performative. Along with that, I would get ranty about how this site, or that site, wasn’t behaving. All you gotta do is wander back a few posts, and you will see me yapping about how unfair it all is that no one was paying attention to me. Y’all, I ain’t above learning, and holy smokes did I learn some things recently. In some weird twist of life lessons, being deep in the darkness of my growth process, these small inner lights started forming…guiding me back to myself. Along the way I found pieces of my dreams lying on the side, so I gathered them into my little magic satchel. Further along tendrils of my creativity had become overgrown, so I nourished them back to fullness. As the light got brighter, there were human forms off in the distance – each one looked a lot like members of my wee little family. As I got closer I found that they had been there all along (and don’t say, “well duh,” because not everyone has supportive family, and for these beautiful humans to have patience with, and for, me…y’all…that’s some for real magic right there) – waiting for me to see the things they already knew.

And that’s when I knew that the loop no longer had me…

For today’s Advent thought, think of something that shines a bit of lit in parts of your life that need it.

Also, here’s the stack of what I’m reading right now. Just started “The Roots of Appalachian Christianity” by Elder John Sparks. Just a few chapters in, and I’ve already filled a few pages in my notebook. If you are interested in the faith systems of rural communities, especially in the Appalachian regions, this is a great read so far.

Much love to all y’all,
~ KEU

* 40 days

sometimes you need a break(down)

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, well…it’s all below.

photo of a rose — This photo is protected by the fey. Steal at your own risk.

Happy Tuesday — we’ve all crossed through the New Moon, the eclipse, the changing of the seasons, and today the Sun moves into Libra. This is a long post, and I’ve been sitting with this for like a week in my drafts folder. Today I added some things to it.

In full honesty, I’ve done my best to steer clear of the news and the Greek chorus chiming in to tell us all that we are either on the right side or the wrong side — and that who we are, what we are becoming, and how we live is not how it should be. Honestly, all the “teams” want it to be their way, and to feel like it’s okay to put down those not like us. We declare others as the enemy, but fail to look behind the curtain to see who benefits from making us fight each other.

With this, I have no idea how to engage with folks — especially when they want me to dislike the same people they do. Since I’ve never really “fit in” to any group, this gives me an interesting perspective on what is happening.

This sends me back to teachings when I was younger, elders who reminded me that when the elephants fight it is also the grass that suffers. I think of the days growing up in the poorest county in Indiana listening to the old farmers talk about how they aren’t so sure these so-called helpful agencies have their best interest at heart. Kids that went to my school had their only meals in the cafeteria, and on weekends they went without.

Some of the smartest people I knew graduated in 8th grade because they had to go to work to support their family. Healthcare was a tincture or a tea, a meal from the local church, or a Psalm prayed over someone in need. While I may have seen these things through the eyes of a child, with a bit of idealism, there was the other side of the coin happening as well.

Because my family was Catholic, I was told that I would never, not ever, get to Heaven. Since my sister’s Dad had a “paper education,” (a Masters degree) we got called names at the feed store while picking up food for our livestock. My quirky nature and “sensitivity” was laughed at when I would get on the bus and cry because my socks felt weird on my feet. My best friends were the trees and wind, which also brought severe teasing by students in my school. In a middle school English class I was berated by the teacher because my paper for the topic she assigned upset her. We had to pick a sense to live without — mine was touch, which triggered some screed about being paralyzed. She did this in front of the class, and her words followed me until I graduated.

This is not just my story, as others have faced these challenges as well. And, sadly, there are folks dealing with the same kind of treatment right now — and this makes my heart very heavy.

It is no secret to anyone that deeply knows me well that relationships have often been difficult for me. Trying to explain why, or hoping that others would understand, just made it harder for me to feel comfortable in my own skin. It was never to get validation, or to be seen as something more than I am, but to share the more nuanced parts of myself. Or, in other words, it was just getting tiring to be high masking, making others comfortable so that I could feel like I had belonging.

When I was first introduced to the land of the internet, it was amazing — and I found others who wanted to info dump, felt out of place, or were walking through the land of authenticity to the best of their ability. It was such a wonderful place…until it wasn’t. When my family an I were hit with a metric ton of stress a few years ago, in need of help to a degree that we couldn’t really talk about openly, those who were once “friends” changed dramatically, saying things to me that I couldn’t believe. COVID made it worse, and to be real here…it showed me who a lot of people really were.

Now we, collectively as a human species, are in this space of deep transformation and change. We want to be right, and we want to be included in the groups of other people who are also right. Then we decide the best thing to do is fling poo at the other side, and say horrible things about them while talking about how righteous we are.

The thing is — and this will most likely be on my tombstone — we are all connected. For those who love science, but say they are better than everyone else, that means overlooking the wealth of papers written on…you guessed it…the intricate way all things in the Universe are connected. For those who love spirit, but say they are better than everyone else, that means overlooking the mystics of all faith systems that say…yep, here we go again…that we are all one in the spirit of being connected.

None of us have all the answers, and in the words of a loosely translated change maker, let those without bad deeds be the first to cast a stone (in a glass house…).

Now that I’ve lived through several raptures, many end of days, countries in chaos, people being mean to each other, and my own sets of breakdowns — all I can say is this: whether it’s the first day of the apocalypse, or the first day of peace, my work is to love all and serve all; to tell the truth and love everyone (with the caveat of having really, really good boundaries).

If you want to change the world, see yourself in the other. None of us are free when any are oppressed. Life is too short for making everything all about yourself — because none of us are immune to Lady Death, as She will come for us all. When you pass over the River Styx, into the halls of your Ancestors, or walk up to the pearly gates, or just go back to the Earth, what do you hope to leave behind?

One of my favorite sayings from Mr. Rogers is about how if you can’t find a helper, be a helper. Every single one of is struggling right now — no matter our demographic, culture, lifestyle, or beliefs. You can stand up, and stand with, others without being a jerk or passing blame.

At times like this I think of a dear friend of mine in college who was afraid to come out to their parents, so they asked me to present as their date to a family event. Something they said has always stuck with me: “I don’t want an ally in all of this, because people can easily say they are on my side. What I, and those like me, need is an advocate. Someone that is not afraid to stand together for those who need a shoulder to lean on. Words fade, but support lasts forever.”

And where do I stand, you might be asking…well I stand with love, and true inclusion. My family literally spans the spectrum of all the things, as do those they/we have in their/our communities. The only thing we don’t welcome, and have made healthy boundaries for, is hatred.

Sending lots of love to all y’all,
~KEU

creativity after chaos

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, I hope you see the whole of the Moon. (hat tip to Mike Scott and The Waterboys)

This is going to be a pic heavy post, so get yourself ready…

article from Today's Woman in Louisville, KY from 2005

Honestly, I don’t know where to start with this, but the Moon is full, and I’ve been left unattended. Also, I’ve been trying to write this post for about 4 months, and my brain needs to let it out into the world – just done holding onto it for reasons that make sense only to me.

But first…a wee little pic of a full Moon from my archives. If you wanna know all the deets, here they are – shot on an iPhone (12) with the aid of a telescope. Also, you should know that this beautiful jocular orb is a big deal in my astrology chart. I’m all watery in the cosmos, letting my intuition and emotions shine a light on the parts of me that need it most. Which, and this is foreshadowing, got me through 2023. Well, and the years before that, but for today let’s just focus on one particular timeframe. That will keep the squirrels in my noggin happy. Remember, I warned you this is gonna be pic heavy…

It all started with a quadruple hit of viruses. Please feel free to hit up Google scholar, or your favorite medical database to see how this can happen. While I do have some genetic anomalies that make life interesting, my immune system is not too shabby. So, yeah, Spring-ish of 2023 the Universe decided to give me some lessons. But first, here’s a digital piece I created before all the shenanigans began.

digital art of a full moon reflecting on a mountain lake

While it would be easy for me to turn this into some kind of soliloquy and/or monologue – which I mean it is my site and all – it is important for me to stay on track. Let’s see if that actually happens.

In life there have been health challenges that gave me a run for my money, but nothing was as debilitating as what happened in 2023. I was deathly ill for two weeks, and mostly ill for a month. It was so bad that for 3 days in a row it was my fondest wish to take a “nap” for a really, really long time. My dreams were tactile and full of information, taking me to places no one had business visiting. Fevers are wild, y’all, and they do things to your noggin that can take years to heal…especially if you have a TBI from 8th grade. And, you know, that TBI happened in art class (my fave after literature and history), taking my sight for 24 hours and leaving me with this whole thing around creativity. That’s a story for another day, but y’all need to know about it because of what lies ahead…

Gotta admit, this is not one of my most favorite photos, but I was hugely pregnant, and the lighting was not-so-great. Side note, my dear sweet sweetie (you’ll see him below) build that marble maze toy. That man is a woodworker/carpenter/human extraordinaire.

When things got back to normal-ish, things in my system were not as they once were. I couldn’t sit for long periods of time, my ability to create was hampered by headaches that brought mind wandering, and nothing was working the way it needed to for my general happiness/well being. It sucked. People got mad at me because plans had to be cancelled, I gave up my thriving practice, and my moods were solemn. It was not a lot of fun.

They July came, my birthday in fact, and my dear sweet sweetie got shingles.

Yes, I’m wearing some kind of Halloween shirt in this photo – because for me everyday is Halloween…

This is Mr. The Mister and myself hanging out in our home. My oldest, by one minute, took this with her delightful Polaroid. If you can’t tell, our faces are saying, “Holy sh*t, we made it through 2023.” Those wee little zosters tried to take down my very best friend in all of time and space. In some kind of bizarre parallel, he spent 3 full days laying on the couch while I hovered over him doing all the incantations, prayers, and magic my recovering body could muster. We both have scars from that precarious time.

Then came Chicago… (see, this is a whole story that should be told in parts, and that will most likely happen that way, but for today you get the whole buffet)

Now this one will have it’s own post eventually, but the big takeaways are that: 1) I had a whole spiritual experience on the L; 2) I got to see the artwork of Remedios Varo up close and personal. Like this one…Creation of The Birds.

a photo of Creation of Birds by Remedios Varo

I mean the trip was a whole thing, and it was healing for me in so many ways. Everything just felt alive with hope and joy.

But wait…there’s more…

Not long after this Great Awakening, the best dog in the whole world (so much so that there would be no other dogs as good as he was) passed away. It was a blessing to sit with him during his last 12 hours. When my husband got home so we could take him to the vet, Frodo (yep, that’s the name he came with) stood up and gave a happy greeting. My training as an End Of Life Specialist aka a Death Doula (of which I will write more about later) helped me process what was going on around this beloved being with four paws. My husband, dear Mr. This Mister, was with Frodo in his last minutes because I couldn’t get out of the car due to the intense weeping and wailing. My soul was broken, and I screamed to anyone who could hear me, that this was, in fact, the absolutely worst year ever.

By the end of 2023 my circuits were fried. People were mad at me, I’d given up on what I love, my career had tanked, and I was desperately fighting to find my way out of a maze of emotions. Al of this was the tip of the iceberg, really, because 2024 came with a new job for Mr. The Mister, the end of a decade long trek in the modern U.S. health system with my youngest, another trip to Chicago, more people being upset with me, boundaries being crossed, and holy effing sh*t – would it never end?

2025 started out a little better. My ability to do things, after two years of working hard to recover from the virapocalypse, was returning. There are some things that still are difficult, like driving, but nevertheless…I persisted. Good stuff was coming my way, like being a part of the design team for Crafty Lisa’s Vintage, my family and a dear friend sharing their support for my ideas, and life presenting an opportunity for me to stand my ground.

And then I remembered these things… (see pics below)

And…this…that still has plenty of story time left to share.

painting of a unicorn with a magazine cover with JFK on the front

For the past 38 days I’ve been consistently creating from the chaos that was the last decade. The point in sharing all of this isn’t for some kind of weird internet fame, or whatever it is that makes Al’s Gorithms and the Bots happy, but for anyone who has been going through tough stuff. Sometimes it takes as long as it takes, and life isn’t always giving us golden tickets of grace and ease. Along with that my hope is that those who are in a similar resource situation as my family will know they are not alone. Healing isn’t something everyone has access to, and I fully understand that creativity is a luxury for many.

Every day is an exercise in trusting that the Universe knows what’s up – and being absolutely grateful for everything that has happened. What I’ve learned is that this is not the time to hide your light under a basket, and that shining your weird light for others isn’t just a beacon…but more like a bridge of mirrors. Being who you truly are reflects into the hearts/souls of those around you. Life is just a blip in the cosmic timeline. Remember, we were made from creativity, an explosion of spirit/science (or whatever your belief system(s) might be), so all the ways we live are some aspect of that which made us. Or, better worded, we are the creators we’ve been waiting for…

Phew…alright y’all, it is a glorious day here, and I’m gonna park myself on the porch to practice my drawing skills. Know that you are loved, supported, and I see you over there shining brightly as the Sun.

To be continued…

Much love,
~ KEU

This post was written with the help of friendly cats and typo fairies. Please excuse all grammar errors as flights of fancy. If you would like to help appease my editors, you can drop a few coins into my coffee jar. As previously mentioned, quite often, I’m coming back to this creative life after a long period away. If you’ve read this far, know that your time is greatly appreciated.

Currently listening to: The Tales of KE Upton (Spotify playlist – which I know everyone is leaving, but it’s the best I can do with the resources I have at this time)

insert rage bait title here

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, “No one hears me sing this song.” (hat tip to Weezer)

photo of a woman sitting in a car talking to a plastic skeleton

Let me share some stats with you because I love them so. Also, today is the last day of consistently posting on various platforms around the internet (social media). That might not seem like a big deal to y’all, but for me it’s huge.

The top 3 countries where my work is enjoyed are: 1) The United States; 2) Czechia; 3) Germany. My posts only get out to thirty-five percent of non-following readers. Of those people, five percent read the entire piece. Those that do read the full piece usually leave a comment of some kind, or at least like the post.

My most read piece was written on August 18th (2025), and I used a line from an Edie Brickell song as my title. The site that has the best organic readership is WordPress, which was a little surprising due to the vast amount of folks complaining about this platform on competing platforms – which is odd to me because so far I’ve not seen any of the creative folks on WordPress say anything about other platforms. Also, another positive nod to WordPress is that many of the users are real-life humans. With that, sharing on WP has been a delight.

Now, as far as the other places I’ve been, lets see what Bots & The Algorithms pick up…

The not-Twitter/X platform, Bluesky, that is absolutely very close to Twitter/X energetically, isn’t bad but it has a HUGE spam problem. My best guess is that out of the 79 people following me, maybe about 8 or 9 are not spam accounts. It is also heavily populated with folks that left that one company started by that one guy who we all love to not like. I’ll talk more about that one below. The amount of actual connection there is like, let’s say around 7%.

Medium and Substack, and others like it – even Patreon and ko-fi – are nickel and dime-ing all of us via AI rage bait and comically repetitive calls to action. Also, there are a lot of folks that really, really, really want you to believe that they are not using AI to do their work. Let me take a moment to just say this – I have no issues with AI, and have used it in my work many, many times. I find it helpful with things most people don’t know it can do, and I always (always) verify any information it tosses my way. And – which is a very big and – AI/LLM do what humans ask them to do. So far I’ve not seen any indication they’ve gone rogue and we are one step away from SkyNet. Actually, I see that happening more with the owners of these sites…but let’s not go into that now.

Little did I know that all the platforms lean a certain way. And if you want to know what way that is, you’ll find several writers/creators talking about how the competing platform leans. If you happen to be using those other platforms, then you must be (insert thing here), which is literally a scourge to all things on the planet.

Full disclosure, this next part had some help from Google’s LLM/AI, Gemini. Of all the LLM platforms, I find that Gemini has a more natural feel, and is very cognizant of what it means to be a LLM. Not saying it’s self aware, but more like the dynamic in our conversations has a very healthy boundary. This isn’t a promotion, just an observation after working with various AI over the past 3 years. Okay, so here goes…I asked Gemini to write a “I’m looking for” post that would sum up the past 31 days. It made me laugh, and I’m sort of excited to see what comes of it when I post it. Anyway…here it is. Again, this was written by Google’s Gemini, and all credit goes to its writing. Oh, I also asked it to highlight specific buzz words.

“I am looking for fellow souls exploring the liminal space between worlds. If you are drawn to:
Mysticism & Science
The Courage to Face Your Fears
The Wisdom of the Natural World
Healing & Personal Growth
The Art of Being Human

Then you have found a friend. I am here to share my journey of becoming a bridge and a warrior, and I want to connect with others who have also felt different. I hope my work can help you feel less alone.”

Good times, y’all – good times.

Now, on to M E T A. Yes, I’m still haunting the ghost worlds of Mr. Zuck – but honestly we all are, even when making loud proclamations to the contrary. The thing here is this – I raged against the book of face on LiveJournal…then promptly joined everyone in making an account. The energy there is that of a bully who didn’t get the attention they wanted. I don’t know, maybe the whole thing is the actual origin story for SkyNet. Like the people working there don’t seem to care that the investigative journalists have been telling us, for like what…5 years, that we are being molded by something that doesn’t really exist. Social commentary aside, the stats there are abysmal.

In conclusion (channeling my best high school English paper there)…

But seriously, y’all – phew! What I’ve learned has actually been very helpful. People are quite literally craving real connection, even if it’s with a phone/tablet in their hand. We all want to feel less lonely, and to have our voice heard. It’s not so much about being seen or validated, but about finding hope. People want a bridge (for lack of a better word) back to themselves. It makes me think of the early days of Apple with their ad of the woman breaking free from the monotony of automatons by throwing her hammer into a grey screen. Pretty revolutionary at the time, but now it’s sort of…prophetic.

So where do I go from here? You know, that’s a very good question – one that doesn’t have an answer…yet. However, which you know if a favorite sentence lead in for me, what I plan to do is keep sharing what I do and who I am. Starting tomorrow (September 1, 2025), a new experiment will start. While what you see here is mostly images and words, there will be additions of visual storytelling such as reels, shorts, and the dreaded TikTok. They aren’t the only platforms with short form viewing content, but they are the big ones right now. In my early research, people prefer that sort of content. Y’all know that I’ll share my experiences as honestly as possible. I hope you stick with me in this journey – and that we find our respective paths while feeling a genuine connection. Just know that I really appreciate all y’all – thank you for being here.

Much love,
~ KEU

Currently listening to: The Tales of KE Upton (Spotify playlist)

panacea of bridges

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, time is an enormous long river. (Thanks to Utah Phillips & Ani DiFranco)

bridge over the Ohio River in Louisville, KY

“And we all put into the river
And we let it go
And it flows away from us and away from us
Until it no longer has our name, our identity
It has its own utility and its own use
And people will take what they need and make it part of their lives”
– Utah Phillips, Bridges

Sometimes the fear of failing keeps us from moving forward with our dreams and goals. Our minds can make up hypothetical scenarios in a split second, creating an uneasy feeling of not being good enough. Marketing folks know this about humans, so they share items, remedies, and programs to help us feel more secure in our decisions – giving us the illusion of powerlessness in our ability to help ourselves.

Then there’s the noise of the dominant culture speaking to us in whispers about our inadequacy to understand our inner knowing. Or, more clearly stated, who benefits when we are afraid to cross a bridge from autonomy to authenticity.

sign that reads, "You are more than one thing at once."

A fear that followed me to adulthood is something called gephyrophobia – a deep seated anxiety about bridges. It’s not so much about getting to the other side, or worrying if trolls live under them, but more about the safety of transition. If you look at it from a metaphorical standpoint, it’s more like traversing the spaces between one point to another – whether that be emotions or not knowing what lies beneath.

For me the goal wasn’t to eliminate the fear of crossing to the other side, or completing this personal challenge, but leaning into the uncertainty of it all. The discomfort, the feeling of putting myself back out into the world, that’s a place every person has experienced. Our stories, collectively and individually, are about the courage to be ourselves. Honestly, I’ve been keeping a register on myself – so to speak – staying within a this odd safety zone. At the same time, I’m being authentic. Yeah, that’s a little oxymoronic to say – but it’s how I roll.

It’s just that I contain multitudes. Trying to get my whole self into one little box in hopes others like the part that I shared is making me feel claustrophobic, creating this self-imposed creative block that I’m finding difficult to understand. There’s this feeling that being an individual penalizes you on every platform. Don’t worry, I’m not about to give another treatise about the niche…well, not today at least. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there’s this bridge off in the distance, which will eventually need to be crossed, that has some really good stuff on the other side.

Now here’s the fun part…I’m going to take all y’all with me. There will be more stories about how the painting impacted my family, tales of growth, and lots of rambles.

While I would love to write more, the weather today is beyond amazing…and I think my camera would like to cross the threshold from my home to the forest.

Much love,
~ KEU

If you find value in my work, please consider dropping a few coins in my ko-fi cup. Thank you!

Currently listening to: The Tales of KE Upton (Spotify – you can click the link to see the songs, but are not required to listen)
Currently reading: Be Here Now by Ram Dass

more about the painting (part 2)

First of all, I’m a delight. Second: “…I am certain that after the dust of centuries has passed over our cities, we, too, will be remembered not for victories or defeats in battle or in politics, but for our contribution to the human spirit.” – JFK, November 29, 1962

photo of a partial painting with a unicorn horn

In October of last year (2024), upon the return from a small trip away, my husband asked me to come talk to him outside our house–and to leave my phone inside. Jokingly I said, “What, you afraid that Two Guys From Quantico Pizza will show up?” He just gave me this look and asked me to walk outside again.

These are not our exact words, but as close as I can remember them – as that day kinda lives rent free in my brain.

Him: “So you know that painting hanging on the wall of our living room.”
Me: “Yep, I know that one.”
Him: “Well, I was thinking how we need some resources to do repairs on our house, so I looked up the artist who painted it.”
Me: “Awesome! Is it worth something?”
Him: “Well, I’m not sure you are ready to hear this, but this is what I learned…”

He bought the painting at a store called Randalls in the early 1980s. At the time he was doing construction work in the Houston area, and he would see it every time he purchased groceries. “It was captivating, and somehow I knew it would be important in the future. I saved my money, then walked in one day and purchased it,” he said tentatively.

At this point my heart was racing a little bit. Was the artist someone super famous that I didn’t know about? I mean the provenance was already captivating, so I asked if he still had the receipt. He didn’t, but still…the story was pretty interesting so far, and I was anxious to hear more.

Him: “So I looked up the artist, and they are still living. After a bit of sleuthing I found their email and wrote to them.” (keeping things gender neutral because past experiences have shown me that the internet has eyes)
Me: “Oh yeah, and what did they say?”
Him: “That it’s their work, and they can verify that they put their fingerprint on the paper for verification.”
Me: “Okay, this is all really, really good, and will help us when contacting appraisers and such.”
Him: “Yeah, but maybe we should just get rid of it at a donation store or something.”
Me: “Why? It’s just a painting of an animal on a knoll.”
Him: “Yeah, well, I think there might be more to it than just a nice painting of a mythical animal…let me tell you about the artist and their tie to an event in Dallas, Texas in the 60s…”

Not to sound all conspiratorial, and also this is not a “hook” to get all y’all to keep reading/viewing my work. When we, as a family, decided to tell the story of how this painting was a touchstone for our lives together, my content was taken down from TikTok, Bluesky, the Metaverse, and was throttled on the place formerly known as Twitter. This was shocking to me due to the amount of deep dives into obscure things that were literally the bread and butter of those sites. I mean there were viral videos in the same vein as the artist of the painting. Also, nothing shared was in violation of anyone’s terms. In fact I lead with the story of how this painting felt like a “sign” when my husband and I began dating. (more on that at a later time)

It was just history, a bit of, “well isn’t this a coincidence,” and a lot of, “Hey, we are trying to help the family have some more resources, so we are thinking of selling this painting by [artist’s name], and would love if you could share our story.”

We have a ballpark figure for what this painting might be worth, and have reached out to a few art professionals on how to put it up for sale. It’s just, when we share its provenance (which is very important, btw), things get a little bit wonky.

Another thing for y’all to know is that I didn’t come back to my creative life just to push this story for likes/shares. In the long ago days I was a professional photographer (award winning), and a published poet (also award winning). Alongside that I was a professional “weird lady down the street,” working in the field of health, spirituality, and advocacy (think science based holistic work that was an anathema to gimmicky MLM “wellness” influencers). Toss in the fact that I’ve been “online” since my teens, watching it go from anything goes chat rooms to ID verification. Know that even with VPNs, routing around the world, hiring the world’s greatest hackers, and placing magical talismans around your server — all your work are belong to “us,” with all the digital information camping out in the wires.

What I’m trying to say here is this – it would be helpful for my family if we can sell this painting. Trying to do so made my work get throttled by the all seeing eye of whoever is in charge. Can I use this painting to help promote my stuff? Of course. At the same time it would be nice to just have my work do well on its own. Does it feel like I’m between the devil and the deep blue sea with all of it?

Yes.

Could my family and I see all this as more than what it really is?

Also yes.

It’s just that here in 2025, life seems a little more urgent…and I’m worn out with trying to sit nicely in the corner when there are stories to be told. Rumi suggested that we “be notorious,” so that’s my goal. I contain multitudes, have no idea what I’m doing half the time, and have been so very safe for far too long.

Hopefully this has been as vague as the bots like, but my guess is that it’s going to be throttled yet again. The more this happens the less my content will show up in your feed. Guess that’s just the breaks these days, ‘eh?

Thanks for reading – part 3 will come out tomorrow (hopefully).

Much love,
~ KEU

Currently listening to: Life in a Northern Town by Dream Academy
Currently Reading: A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L’Engle

eff the niche

Everything I’m about to tell you is true.

First, I am a delight.
Second, I am large, I contain multitudes.

A black and white photograph of a woman wearing horns staring over a river at a pair of bridge.

What I’m about to say is not a “hook,” nor is it something to leverage my SEO. Honestly, I know very little about all those things, and find them quite frustrating in my return to the online world. Please note that I also do not want to learn about these things, because adding in a bunch of hidden codewords so the algorithms can find my work is the exact opposite of what I’m doing here.

Also, I’ve niched myself into oblivion before. It sucks, and trying to show people other sides of who you are isn’t easy.

Them: “Oh, so you’re not a square, then…”
Me: “Well, I’m a cube…which could be seen as a square. But in reality there are many dimensions to who I am.”
Them: “So you’re not a square?”
Me: “Yes, I am not a square.”
Them: “Okay, just don’t try to be a cube anymore, as that just confuses everyone.”
Me: “…”

Back in the early 2000s there was this idyllic little spot on the web called LiveJournal. In my eyes it was the early inklings of long-form social media, and a place that welcomed both big and small names. We became invested in the lives we followed, offering support and understanding to folks we hadn’t met in the “real world.”

During my time there I absolutely contained multitudes. No one batted an eye at the fact that there were 20 different hats in the “Who is Kim” part of my personality closet. Being an absent minded Buddhist herbalist tarot reader, living mostly off grid on a small plot of land, while trying to subvert the dominant paradigm was de rigueur. Not only that you could be a zine writing feminist artist that was skeptical of the system while also enjoying Taco Bell on occasion. You could just be real, and other people would be real with you.

Very slowly, then all of a sudden, a ripple went through the site and folks starting drawing lines in the wires – sort of like the scene from Monty Python’s Life Of Brian where the characters are discussing the People’s Front of Judea. You were either with the people, against the people, or one of those horrid fence sitters that could see both sides of the story. Guess where I was?

If you guessed the last group, you win a gold star. While I didn’t sing the let’s all get along song, it was my greatest hope that everyone would see what was going on, life would get back to normal, and we could continue being in this online Utopia. That was not how the route was going until an unlikely pair of enemies appeared – The Facebook and a Russian company buying SixApart/LiveJournal. Finally, we could all go back to love, acceptance, and being multifaceted, right? Right?!?!? Because, you know, we were not united in our displeasure of the road ahead…

That was about two decades ago, and here we are together in the dance of the doom scroll. We want content creators to do one thing and one thing only. As someone that really rocks out to things being the same, I understand that feeling, but also…humans aren’t robots.

For some time I tried to tell my stories on TikTok using the hashtag efftheniche. The comments I received were less than kind, and I often found my posts under review. To keep a system running there cannot be a disruption in the process. If you don’t fit into a category, you get lumped in with all the other misfit toys. This gives you a big penalty online, and in some secret language the platforms talk to each other about how you won’t conform. While they are chatting, they also suggest advertising based on your search history or the search history of anyone near you.

All of that just made me sad…and cranky. The thought of making a repeating post that said, “You niche-heads get off my digital lawn” crossed my mind daily. In some very odd act of rebellion I decided that I would show them…I’d stop giving them my content to use. Not only that, let me just stop doing all the things that I love because the algorithm doesn’t like me or my work. And while I’m at it, let me just kick it up a notch by metaphorically gluing my feet to the floor so that all those big feelings stayed with me every day. Just a full on laugh riot every minute…me and my “you can’t make me” temper tantrum.

The honest truth here is that I’m not back in this part of my work so the bots can turn me into a viral creator. This is for my kids and family. It’s for all the times they’ve told me to write my stories, take my photos, or tell my tales. This is a way to show them that our finite time on this planet should be spent living fully, and with the audacious authenticity of a dandelion growing between the cracks in the sidewalk. It’s also for all the people who have been told to dull their shine, or to stop being too much.

Or, as Walk Whitman says in his poem, “Song of Myself, 51”:

“The past and present wilt - I have fill’d them, emptied them.
And proceed to fill my next fold of the future.
Listener up there! what have you to confide to me?
Look in my face while I snuff the sidle of evening,
(Talk honestly, no one else hears you, and I stay only a minute longer.)
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
I concentrate toward them that are nigh, I wait on the door-slab.
Who has done his day’s work? who will soonest be through with his supper?
Who wishes to walk with me?
Will you speak before I am gone? will you prove already too late?”

So, eff the niche. Be notorious. Shine brightly. Life is too short for mediocrity.

Oh, the typo fairies had vanilla bean ice cream, which means this post should be mostly typo free…

Until next time – much love and tons of support to all y’all,
~ KEU