First of all, I am a delight. Second, Mama by Genesis is a serious bop.
“Like an old gold-panning prospector, you must resign yourself to digging up a lot of sand from which you will later patiently wash out a few minute particles of gold ore.” ― Dorothy Bryant
Here we are in September – a gateway to the glorious months of Autumn (Northern Hemisphere). Summer has put on her soft slippers, grabbed a book, and is getting ready for 9 month long rest.
Now that I have this consistency thing down, and have tested the waters of Al’s Gorithms, it’s time to get into the nitty gritty of things.
There are a lot of stories in my life that want to come meet y’all. Along with that, there are a lot of creative projects that float in and out of my brain on a daily basis. As far back as I can remember, this has been my standard manner of operation – everything from making potions to writing poetry to creating pictures. Something that I learned with my little experiment is that planning can be very, very helpful.
So is scheduling.
With that…today’s post is short, sweet, and simple. Y’all be good to each other out there.
So let’s flash back to yesterday’s post where I mentioned my Dad’s side of the family. But just to be clear, I have 3 – a birth certificate Dad (BCD), a step-Dad (SD), and my bio Dad (BD). This is not an easy story to tell, and there is no way it will fit in one post.
I’m pretty sure there are rules for writers/creatives about not throwing in too many story arcs, but my life doesn’t work that way. Remember, I contain multitudes, which means nothing ever follows a straight line in my world.
My Bio Dad’s house has this certain smell, like a mix of sandalwood, Contra Costa County, and the fog that rolls off the bay in San Francisco. When that happens I just know my Bio Dad is near. He and I had so many talks about the after life, and joked that we would spend more time together after he passed than when he was alive.
I’ve got a busy day ahead, and this is absolutely a cliff hanger post, but I just felt this strong push to introduce a person in my life that inspires me to keep going; to be myself. He didn’t get that chance, and when he did life wasn’t so great for him because he had to fit in with the culture of his family, career, and faith system.
So here’s to you, Pres – thank you for all you did so that I can tell my (and also your) story.
“And we all put into the river And we let it go And it flows away from us and away from us Until it no longer has our name, our identity It has its own utility and its own use And people will take what they need and make it part of their lives” – Utah Phillips, Bridges
Sometimes the fear of failing keeps us from moving forward with our dreams and goals. Our minds can make up hypothetical scenarios in a split second, creating an uneasy feeling of not being good enough. Marketing folks know this about humans, so they share items, remedies, and programs to help us feel more secure in our decisions – giving us the illusion of powerlessness in our ability to help ourselves.
Then there’s the noise of the dominant culture speaking to us in whispers about our inadequacy to understand our inner knowing. Or, more clearly stated, who benefits when we are afraid to cross a bridge from autonomy to authenticity.
A fear that followed me to adulthood is something called gephyrophobia – a deep seated anxiety about bridges. It’s not so much about getting to the other side, or worrying if trolls live under them, but more about the safety of transition. If you look at it from a metaphorical standpoint, it’s more like traversing the spaces between one point to another – whether that be emotions or not knowing what lies beneath.
For me the goal wasn’t to eliminate the fear of crossing to the other side, or completing this personal challenge, but leaning into the uncertainty of it all. The discomfort, the feeling of putting myself back out into the world, that’s a place every person has experienced. Our stories, collectively and individually, are about the courage to be ourselves. Honestly, I’ve been keeping a register on myself – so to speak – staying within a this odd safety zone. At the same time, I’m being authentic. Yeah, that’s a little oxymoronic to say – but it’s how I roll.
It’s just that I contain multitudes. Trying to get my whole self into one little box in hopes others like the part that I shared is making me feel claustrophobic, creating this self-imposed creative block that I’m finding difficult to understand. There’s this feeling that being an individual penalizes you on every platform. Don’t worry, I’m not about to give another treatise about the niche…well, not today at least. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there’s this bridge off in the distance, which will eventually need to be crossed, that has some really good stuff on the other side.
Now here’s the fun part…I’m going to take all y’all with me. There will be more stories about how the painting impacted my family, tales of growth, and lots of rambles.
While I would love to write more, the weather today is beyond amazing…and I think my camera would like to cross the threshold from my home to the forest.
Much love, ~ KEU
If you find value in my work, please consider dropping a few coins in my ko-fi cup. Thank you!
Currently listening to: The Tales of KE Upton (Spotify – you can click the link to see the songs, but are not required to listen) Currently reading: Be Here Now by Ram Dass
First of all, I’m a delight. Second, “I knew who I was this morning, but I’ve changed a few times since then.” ― Lewis Carroll
In the wonderful words of Monty Python…now for something completely different.
Oh, and just say no to the niche…you are a beautiful buffet of brilliance. Don’t let Al Gorithms and the Bots get ya down. Be notorious!
Have you heard the story of the blindfolded men who each touched a different part of an elephant and then declared that what they were experiencing was the real truth? If not, take a moment to search for the parable of the blind men and the elephant. It gives some perspective on how humans seem to be navigating the world right now.
This story can be applied to every aspect of life, as well as with our own growth/healing/etc. Just because something is good and right for you, that doesn’t mean it is good and right for everyone else. I invite you to keep that in mind with today’s post.
As the meme says: “Yup, that’s me. I bet you’re wondering how I got myself into that situation…” Well, for quite some time, way back when, I did this professionally for large groups and organizations. Not so much now, but it’s always fun to take a walk down memory lane each time you take a step forward on a new path.
You see I find that spirituality and science are part of the same Universe that we inhabit. How is it that we have no issue with the prescience of Nature, but not within ourselves? And honestly, who benefits from telling us that we can’t possibly have intuition? Just think about that for a moment. How many times have you just had this feeling…only to see it come to pass?
Humans are wired to dance with the movements of the stars. Carl Sagan remarked that we are made of starstuff. This isn’t just spiritual influencer chatter, but hard science. When you look up in the sky to see the stars, they are looking back at you thinking, “Hey, that person looks kind of like me!”
Let’s just keep going here…
Way out past the world of dogmas, science sees the infinite – trying to understand how we fit in the bigger picture. Out past the field of dogmas, spirituality sees the infinite – trying to understand how we fit in the bigger picture. If these two superpowers could find a common ground, can you imagine what might happen? I mean, gosh y’all – it would almost be like the main theme of all the world’s faith systems, where we see that we are all connected.
While this all might be seen as rambling, or wandering into the crystal shop in the town a few miles over, I’m actually about to do a whole full circle back to the painting and creativity. Sometimes I just like to walk around with my jazz hands for a bit until I bring my point home.
No matter what you do, someone is going to make a comment about it. They will tell you how to feel and how to be more like them. If you want to work with the cycles of the Moon in your art because it nourishes your spiritual creativity, then do it, friend. If you want to have perfect alignment in your ink drawing of a skyline and need a ruler, I fully support you. And if, like me, you want to step outside of a niche, I’ll be first in line to cheer you on.
Thing is, the best stories are the ones that step outside all our preconceived notions, inviting us to see the world from someone else’s eyes. We become a note in the cosmic chorus of the Universe, which then sings that song back to us. If we are made in the image of a Creator, that would mean we are built to be creative. Doesn’t matter if it was the Big Bang, or some deity, we are the embodiment of science and spirituality coming together to experience itself.
Now that I’ve made it past the first goal of 21 consistent days of online creation, it’s time to work on the next one. I hope you’ll join me on this continuing adventure.
First of all, I’m a delight. Second, “You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.” ― Rumi
Not the ocean, but a beautiful image of Lake Michigan from the Chicago side. Further down I’ll post a full image of the painting – please feel free to scroll on down, get a screen capture, and look it up. Interestingly it will somehow loop back to: 1) this post or 2) random archived places where I’ve discussed the painting previously. Welcome to the digital spiral that is the internet.
Today I was chatting with my editing team about how one stays authentic to their creative self while also trying to keep one’s toes in the water of content creation. And, yes, I talk about this quite a bit because I’m really trying to understand this shift to “fast food” artistry that is happening on various platforms. There are a few places that will penalize you for having a post/video that is longer than 7 minutes. However, it’s their server space and rules, so we all must march to the beat of their drum.
Or not.
Just say no to the niche. You are not just a drop in the ocean, as Rumi says, but the entire ocean in one drop. Life contains multitudes. You don’t have to be a “niche” creator. Instead, you can be a hub for all your different interests. Your photography, writing, and videos all come from the same person—you.
This can be a more sustainable and fulfilling path than trying to fit yourself into a box that doesn’t feel right. It allows you to create from a place of genuine passion, and it invites people into a conversation, not just a transaction. And that is what this painting means to me. Not the story of the artist, nor her particular beliefs about parts of history – it’s that she DARED to be herself in a culture that actively pushes us to be otherwise.
Just for the record, this is NOT my artwork. I do not own the rights to this and am only sharing it as part of the story about how it came to be in my family’s possession. Also, I cannot share the name of the artist because the internet has eyes. While some can talk about things that are outlandishly unbelievable and gather millions of followers…talking calmly about how a piece of art inspired me to come back to what I love, sharing my creative self, upsets Al’s Gorithms.
Here it is, y’all. Here’s the painting in all its glory. And here’s an image that shows you how it ties to history.
Side note, I donated this magazine, and no longer own it. Back copies can be find online.
As I’ve said previously, could my family and I be making this bigger than it is? Yes, absolutely and without question…yes. It’s just, and I’m not sure how to even say this in a different way, there’s just something about all of it that creates intrigues in the brain. Even more after the ruckus it caused online.
In the digital world there’s this push for algorithmic success versus the messiness of human creativity. The prevalence of AI-generated content and bot monitoring is designed to have us churn out work that makes the platform happy. As someone that was in tech years ago (think back in the dinosaur days of dial-up via rotary phones), I fully understand the huge cost of data, servers, and the sheer amount of memory it takes to hold all this. We have to become efficient, but that lacks the unique, sometimes illogical, and deeply personal qualities that make humans and humanity so compelling. The rambling, the detours, and the wild punctuation (as in my case), are all part of our authentic voice, signaling to the reader/viewer that a real, thinking person is at the helm.
And this is the paradox: in a world that craves efficiency, the most valuable creative work might be the messiest. True connection isn’t always instant, but we are pushed to immediately decide if someone is in our camp. Real human interaction isn’t like that, it’s built through vulnerability, shared experiences, and the raw authenticity of trying to get by in the world. To truly connect, we need to slow down and engage with the nuances of what the creative person is sharing with us.
This painting is a reminder that the real treasure isn’t in a viral hashtag, or rising to the top of your niche content, it’s in the shared experience of being human. We make mistakes, and we try hard to understand our environment. Art and creativity, in all forms, gives us a brief moment to connect with something bigger than we can understand. We can tell a story about our world, as I’ve said previously, to help others see that they are not alone.
You might have a ton of thoughts right now, but if I may suggest something, let this be one that sticks with you: just say no to the niche. Be multitudinously notorious. Live in the place where your insecurities dwell. Contradict yourself. If you need someone to stand with you, just let me know — I’ll be there with bells on.
Much love, ~ KEU
Currently listening to: The Tales of KE Upton (Spotify playlist – am working on getting it on YouTube as well) Currently reading: pondering what to read next…stay tuned
First of all I’m a delight. Second, “If I be waspish, best beware my sting.” ― William Shakespeare
Screenshot
“I’m in the mood for a melody I’m in the mood for a melody I’m in the mood I’m in the mood for a melody I’m in the mood for a melody I’m in the mood I’m in the mood for a melody I’m in the mood for a melody I’m in the mood” – In the Mood, Robert Plant
Lemme warn y’all – my left hand is feeling some kind of way due to a rather unpleasant wasp sting. While I’d love to run it under some cold water, get it cleaned up, and all that nice stuff, my wee little burg is dealing with a substantial water main break. Thankfully I’m prepared for such things, but none of this was written on my “to do” list for today.
“Survival is the ability to swim in strange water.” ― Frank Herbert, Dune
With that, I’m off to take care of some things, so the continuing saga of the painting will need to wait yet another day.
First of all, I’m a delight. Second… “Philosophy is the talk on a cereal box Religion is the smile on a dog I’m not aware of too many things I know what I know, if you know what I mean” – What I am, Edie Brickell & New Bohemians
This month, August 2025, I set out on a grand adventure – returning to the work I hold dear to my soul. Five contractor’s bags of trash, four carloads of donations, three shelves of books cleared, two stacks of totes, and a partridge in a pear tree later…this is what I have. (see pic below)
By the way, the gentlemen peering over my tripod is Thomas Merton, and he keeps watch over things. After Hildegard of Bingen and Joan of Arc, who are both also represented on my desk, Merton is my go to for finding calm in the world.
While I’m not particularly devoted to one particular faith system, the mystical aspects of my Catholic upbringing is this luminous thread that brings the tapestry of my beliefs together. In fact, I start my day with this prayer. Feel free to change the wording to suit your needs.
“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.” - Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude
Why, yes…that is Thomas Merton and I out standing in a field. It appears he’s been standing there a little longer than me, which has given him a nice patina.
So let me get back to my original thought when I say down to write…
Over the past 18 days I’ve learned that none of us are in Kansas anymore. Not that we ever were, but the expression fits. SEO, niche, content management, and other words that sound a lot like Charlie Brown’s teacher. Is everyone literally trying to sell themselves with every post/image/video? I mean, is this fun for you? When you sit down to create something are you thinking, “Oh, yeah, this is gonna boost my stats on (insert platform here)…yeah, this is S(E)O-OOOOO good.”
Maybe it was a little naive of me to think that I could just skip back into the creative world with my Pollyanna mindset, stories about being human, and a real desire for connection.
Oh, gods…does this mean I’m not cool anymore? Are the artificial stats trying to tell me something I don’t want to hear? Should I just go lay down in the yard, right now, and shake my fists at the clouds? Do you think people will know what I’m saying if I don’t keep to my most searched work?
Won’t someone think of the niche?
Okay…okay…that’s a little much, I know – but then again, so am I…and so are you. We – that’s you, me, and all the other humans out there – contain multitudes. And in that beautiful dance within us is a light that connects us to each other.
The everything in me sees the everything in you.
So I’m working on Part 4 of the painting story. I’ve got to write it without putting in any trigger words because the internet will get mad at me – which is proving to be very difficult. Plus, the editing team took the day off. The cats are napping, and the fairies just had some chocolate.
With that…I’m off.
Good day to all y’all, ~ KEU
If you find value in what I write, and want to support the team (aka the cats and fairies), please check out my ko-fi. Thanks!
Currently listening to: The Tales of KE Upton (Spotify playlist that has 22 hours of what I call “brain tunes”) Currently reading: *taking a reading break for a few days
First of all, I am a delight. Second, “Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.” ― Thomas Merton , No Man Is an Island
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
On August 1st of this year (2025) a great removal started. 23 years of journals, art supplies, clothing, books, knick knacks, and the weight of other people’s opinions.
Something happens when you strip away all the things you thought you should be. Or, rather…all the things you thought would help people understand how you navigate the world. You see there’s a high cost to being authentic. Not the sound bite bull caca online, but the wild-eyed dance of knowing you’ve shenan’ed once…and will absolutely shenan again. It’s more like the gift/curse that comes with seeing everything in shades of grey – the neither/nor liminal walk into the unknown that we call being human.
In order to see what’s going on within yourself, you gotta step away from what I call non-conforming conformists. These are the folks that aren’t like anyone else except each other. You see this often in the repetition of viral posts/videos, where if it works for those folks it will work for you, too. Sometimes it does, but mostly it just puts you in a club of cool kids that enjoy the fruits of being popular. Honestly, I get it – there’s safety in numbers. We are hard wired for community, so it makes sense that we look for spaces to fit into with copycat behaviors.
This is what I was going for in yesterday’s post, until one of the cats decided that it needed some more work.
Sociology has been a great love of mine, but I never took it to the academic level – meaning it wasn’t one of my many possible degree programs in college. Where I finally landed was secondary education, English literature, and comparative religions/religious studies. Side note for ya – my credit hours would give me a doctorate level degree, but I decided to get married and have babies. Or, rather, the Universe decided that for me. By age 27 I’d taken my GPA from a 0.4 to a 4.0 – got the Golden Key stuff and even got an invitation to apply for a Rhodes Scholarship – but as we all know…life had other plans. *(Sadly I didn’t meet all the requirements to fill out the application, but it was nice to be considered.) Oh, and I’m short 12 credit hours from having my undergrad. If being a professional student was an actual thing, I’d be applying right now.
Bewilderment There are many guises for intelligence. One part of you is gliding in a high windstream, while your more ordinary notions take little steps and peck at the ground.
Conventional knowledge is death to our souls, and it is not really ours. It is laid on. Yet we keep saying we find “rest” in these “beliefs.”
We must become ignorant of what we have been taught and be instead bewildered.
Run from what is profitable and comfortable. Distrust anyone who praises you. Give your investment money, and the interest on the capital, to those who are actually destitute.
Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious. I have tried prudent planning long enough.
From now on, I’ll be mad. – Rumi
After years of walking around on social media (specifically the one with the big blue F), I started losing my ability to stand upright in my own skin. It happens to the best and strongest of us – so if you’re going through it just know that you’re not alone. It’s tough out there to be who you are.
Thing is, some folks are just born with a different set of colors in their palette. Sometimes it looks like a genetic health issue, bad parenting, socio-economic conditions, or a secret unknown thing. Heck, it could be all of the above, which is like winning the weirdo lottery where all the niches you could fill don’t have a place for you due to that “unknown” aura circling above your head.
One of the reasons I write, create, and generally engage in living life to the fullest, is to show others that it’s safe to be who they are – or who they want to be. While searching for someone to help me understand all the things, very few stepped up, so I learned how to do it myself. *(side note: this also happens for folks who grew up poor, learning how to survive and fix all the things on their own.)
And not just a few things, but literally all the things. When you do that, guess what you start to acquire? If you said 3 car loads worth of stuff, that would be the correct answer.
This is day 13, the luckiest one, of standing exactly where I want to be. As I’ve written previously, it’s a rebirth of sorts – or maybe something akin to what a Phoenix experiences. It’s a little scary, and it takes a lot of energy to walk the talk. My plan is to document all of this through words, images, and videos (yes, videos, please don’t come at me). The end result (fingers crossed) will be a nicely edited book. Heck, let’s just say the sky is the limit here and go for a movie deal.
Because, dear readers…everything I’m about to tell you is true.
Much love, ~ KEU
Currently listening to: A Perfect Circle (album: Thirteenth Step) Currently reading: (well re-reading) The Cats of Tanglewood Forest by Charles de Lint
First, I am a delight. Second, we are all just walking each other home…
“I suppose the other thing too many forget is that we were all stories once, each and every one of us. And we remain stories. But too often we allow those stories to grow banal, or cruel or unconnected to each other. We allow the stories to continue, but they no longer have a heart. They no longer sustain us.” ― Charles de Lint, The Onion Girl
While this could start with all the platitudes about how doing hard things make us stronger, or that we only “grow” when life pushes us from our comfort zones, no one needs that kind of rhetoric on a beautiful Saturday morning. Thing is, I’m currently doing it with a daily meditation on if I need this or that thing, releasing all that I allowed to hold me back – except for the biggest shift…the one that seems to draw opinions from the voices in the Greek chorus.
I want to leave Facebook, along with the other platforms in the Metaverse.
You can barely turn around without finding an article about the dangers of social media – particularly Facebook – and how we would all be better without it invading our lives. As someone with a background in providing support for others, I agree with that sentiment fully but am having trouble with applying it to my life.
This issue has nothing to do with seeking attention, worrying about missing out, or that people won’t be able to find my work. It’s that I’ve given myself too much time in a world that goes against my personal set of ethics. Being there gives me this creepy feeling of not being authentic – of wanting to write/create/post something that gives an accurate depiction of how I live my life that also gets to the top of a timeline.
Like, y’all, I’ve sat in front of the “delete your account” option in some kind of weird meditative state until deciding that one more day will be okay. I literally threw out 20-some-odd years of journals, gave away all my old art supplies, filled my car 3 times with things to donate, but I can’t bring myself to get rid of the one thing that causes me the most problems.
Today there’s a full Moon in Aquarius, and as it was rising during the night, dreams came to me on the beams of light shining through my window. These were not my usual symbolic brain shows, but more like pictorial manifestos on letting go of what holds me back. When I woke it felt as if I’d just finished the iron man version of talk therapy — and with every fiber of my being I knew it was time to walk away from the Metaverse for a little while. It’s a wee bit scary, but also exciting. There are some really good things on the horizon that need my full attention, so it will be good to be free of that particular distraction.
Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
If you’ve left Facebook/the Metaverse, I would love to hear your story. What I’ve heard from others so far is that their lives became infinitely better. Or, if you have thoughts about social media in general, please feel free to share those, too.
Kim Upton 