Category: photography

sometimes you need a break(down)

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, well…it’s all below.

photo of a rose
This photo is protected by the fey. Steal at your own risk.

Happy Tuesday — we’ve all crossed through the New Moon, the eclipse, the changing of the seasons, and today the Sun moves into Libra. This is a long post, and I’ve been sitting with this for like a week in my drafts folder. Today I added some things to it.

In full honesty, I’ve done my best to steer clear of the news and the Greek chorus chiming in to tell us all that we are either on the right side or the wrong side — and that who we are, what we are becoming, and how we live is not how it should be. Honestly, all the “teams” want it to be their way, and to feel like it’s okay to put down those not like us. We declare others as the enemy, but fail to look behind the curtain to see who benefits from making us fight each other.

With this, I have no idea how to engage with folks — especially when they want me to dislike the same people they do. Since I’ve never really “fit in” to any group, this gives me an interesting perspective on what is happening.

This sends me back to teachings when I was younger, elders who reminded me that when the elephants fight it is also the grass that suffers. I think of the days growing up in the poorest county in Indiana listening to the old farmers talk about how they aren’t so sure these so-called helpful agencies have their best interest at heart. Kids that went to my school had their only meals in the cafeteria, and on weekends they went without.

Some of the smartest people I knew graduated in 8th grade because they had to go to work to support their family. Healthcare was a tincture or a tea, a meal from the local church, or a Psalm prayed over someone in need. While I may have seen these things through the eyes of a child, with a bit of idealism, there was the other side of the coin happening as well.

Because my family was Catholic, I was told that I would never, not ever, get to Heaven. Since my sister’s Dad had a “paper education,” (a Masters degree) we got called names at the feed store while picking up food for our livestock. My quirky nature and “sensitivity” was laughed at when I would get on the bus and cry because my socks felt weird on my feet. My best friends were the trees and wind, which also brought severe teasing by students in my school. In a middle school English class I was berated by the teacher because my paper for the topic she assigned upset her. We had to pick a sense to live without — mine was touch, which triggered some screed about being paralyzed. She did this in front of the class, and her words followed me until I graduated.

This is not just my story, as others have faced these challenges as well. And, sadly, there are folks dealing with the same kind of treatment right now — and this makes my heart very heavy.

It is no secret to anyone that deeply knows me well that relationships have often been difficult for me. Trying to explain why, or hoping that others would understand, just made it harder for me to feel comfortable in my own skin. It was never to get validation, or to be seen as something more than I am, but to share the more nuanced parts of myself. Or, in other words, it was just getting tiring to be high masking, making others comfortable so that I could feel like I had belonging.

When I was first introduced to the land of the internet, it was amazing — and I found others who wanted to info dump, felt out of place, or were walking through the land of authenticity to the best of their ability. It was such a wonderful place…until it wasn’t. When my family an I were hit with a metric ton of stress a few years ago, in need of help to a degree that we couldn’t really talk about openly, those who were once “friends” changed dramatically, saying things to me that I couldn’t believe. COVID made it worse, and to be real here…it showed me who a lot of people really were.

Now we, collectively as a human species, are in this space of deep transformation and change. We want to be right, and we want to be included in the groups of other people who are also right. Then we decide the best thing to do is fling poo at the other side, and say horrible things about them while talking about how righteous we are.

The thing is — and this will most likely be on my tombstone — we are all connected. For those who love science, but say they are better than everyone else, that means overlooking the wealth of papers written on…you guessed it…the intricate way all things in the Universe are connected. For those who love spirit, but say they are better than everyone else, that means overlooking the mystics of all faith systems that say…yep, here we go again…that we are all one in the spirit of being connected.

None of us have all the answers, and in the words of a loosely translated change maker, let those without bad deeds be the first to cast a stone (in a glass house…).

Now that I’ve lived through several raptures, many end of days, countries in chaos, people being mean to each other, and my own sets of breakdowns — all I can say is this: whether it’s the first day of the apocalypse, or the first day of peace, my work is to love all and serve all; to tell the truth and love everyone (with the caveat of having really, really good boundaries).

If you want to change the world, see yourself in the other. None of us are free when any are oppressed. Life is too short for making everything all about yourself — because none of us are immune to Lady Death, as She will come for us all. When you pass over the River Styx, into the halls of your Ancestors, or walk up to the pearly gates, or just go back to the Earth, what do you hope to leave behind?

One of my favorite sayings from Mr. Rogers is about how if you can’t find a helper, be a helper. Every single one of is struggling right now — no matter our demographic, culture, lifestyle, or beliefs. You can stand up, and stand with, others without being a jerk or passing blame.

At times like this I think of a dear friend of mine in college who was afraid to come out to their parents, so they asked me to present as their date to a family event. Something they said has always stuck with me: “I don’t want an ally in all of this, because people can easily say they are on my side. What I, and those like me, need is an advocate. Someone that is not afraid to stand together for those who need a shoulder to lean on. Words fade, but support lasts forever.”

And where do I stand, you might be asking…well I stand with love, and true inclusion. My family literally spans the spectrum of all the things, as do those they/we have in their/our communities. The only thing we don’t welcome, and have made healthy boundaries for, is hatred.

Sending lots of love to all y’all,
~KEU

40 days

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, “Allt virðist vera breytt” (hat tip to Sigur Ros)

photo of the view from a canopy tree walk 75 feet above the forest floor which is located in an area that reaches around 900 feet above sea level

“When you go out into the woods, and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree.

The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying ‘You are too this, or I’m too this.’ That judgment mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.”
― Ram Dass

Here’s the moment of truth that the 4 people that like my posts have been looking forward to – I joke, because the amount of followers/likes/shares/comments/whatever we think makes us more real online, doesn’t really matter. None of this is real anyway, which means I’m just out here having fun and collecting data. Also, I’m literally a hillbilly/redneck Snow White that doesn’t wear shoes, feeds literally any human or animal that comes my way, and I don’t take kindly to folks picking on others.

For 40 days I’ve been out here, as the young’uns say, “wilding.” The main goal was consistency, because let’s be honest due to circumstances beyond my control my life looked a bit wonky to those who were only peeking at it via social media. But I digress…

So, yeah, along with posting on one, or more, social media platforms consistently I’ve learned way more than anticipated. Here are some bullet points.

  • Substack has a nickname around the other sites that sounds like the letter S, then saying that letter again. At first I wasn’t really sure what folks were talking about, as all I could see was tons (and I mean tons) of AI generated content. And it isn’t even good content, which is sad. There is also a wave of folks monetizing their exclusive content there while screaming from a burning building about how no one makes real content anymore (oh, and that whole double letter thing under the guise of people who care). -300/10
  • Bluesky is fun if you want to talk about how bad X/Twitter is. It’s fun to see a lot of re-posts and bots share the hard work of others and get a ton of replies while the original creator gets none. 2/10
  • Medium is just that, medium. I’ve found some really great long form authors there, but it kind of lacks the “social” aspect that I miss about the old days of LiveJournal. The plus is that the monthly fee is pretty reasonable, and you don’t have to have 622 different subscription plans to read folks you follow. 5/10
  • Meta is, y’all – it’s a thing that gets talked about more than anything else online. People really do love to hate on Zuck while using his platform for free where all users are content. It’s kind of a wasteland that I visit from time to time, then I realize I’m clinging to the wrong lifeboat. 0/10 (but y’all know none of us can really leave – it’s the Hotel California of social media)
  • YouTube is winning so far with the content and ability to find cool things to learn. It’s kind of always been that way, which is nice. I’ve heard rumblings and complaints from a few content creators, but as we all know there’s not a lot of money in that particular career. 7/10
  • TikTok, which may or may not be banned or whatever, has not really changed since it came out. Lots of folks trying to hit it big with their stories – which I so understand because here I am working on some of the same things. Not a huge fan of the way they do their algorithms to foment discontent, but with some work you can see all the cute animal videos and none of the “rage bait” stuff. 6/10
  • The lesser knowns such as Mastodon, the various pixelfed stuffs, Tumblr, and so on have been really fun to check out. Well, not so much Tumblr because it’s kind of like one big ad now (as all sites like are doing). Through those sites I’ve “met” (you know, virtually) quite a few really awesome people doing some freaking amazing creative work. Also, their take on spirituality has been less about “if this comes across your feed,” and more about “how can we all not be huge douche canoes to each other.” Also, those creators are pretty tight in their research, and you’ll not see a whole lot of “this is what *they* don’t want you to know” content. 8/10
  • WordPress – well, I gotta say for all the grumblings about it out in the greater cyber-verse, it’s been the most solid and robust platform I’ve used. And while it may seem as if I’m saying this for some kind of cred, please know that this is also posted on Medium, so…yeah. 8/10
  • Ko-fi is just mid. Not even gonna get into the details, because it’s just, I don’t know, hard to use and understand. 2/10
  • Patreon looks to be pretty awesome, and it’s pretty user friendly for me. 8/10
  • Real life is the most enjoyable experience. Yesterday I talked to some trees and met a giant tin man. There were others doing the same, and we had friendly conversations with each other. I took photos, and then had some snacks while watching a lake move slowly. Later some family members and I visited this place that sells all kinds of things, luring you to buy more than what you need, but we successfully navigated the siren song of consumerism. While there we also talked to others like us, humans, and delighted in the beautiful day. 100/10

While this is a little tongue in cheek, my reviews are spot on. But what’s really important to know in all of this is something that wasn’t anticipated – and y’all it’s huge.

In all that I realized that the ability to be truly authentic was harder than it looks.

Lemme say that again, but in a different way. None of us are immune to the call of being popular.

I’ll let Nothing But Thieves say it for me:
“And now we’re breeding a feeling of animosity
Our thoughts are tribal, go viral and now it’s deafening
Oh how we’re loving the comfort of pack mentality
The internet has teeth and
It eats and eats and eats ya”
– Can You Afford To Be An Individual
(side note – you might this song is about everyone else, but it’s about all of us)

Tomorrow, 9/10/25, I’m starting yet another personal challenge to post short form video content. There might be some longer stuff, too, and of course I’ll still be writing/creating in the analog world as well. Of course my findings will be shared here, as well as other places, so we can all learn something new together.

And now it’s time to get some work done. I hope all y’all have the most beautifully wonderful day ever. Keep shining your weird light so other weirdos can find you. Or, just shine your light – don’t let the Greek chorus get ya down.

Much love,
~ KEU

This post was written with the help of friendly cats and typo fairies. Please excuse all grammar errors as flights of fancy. If you would like to help appease my editors, you can drop a few coins into my coffee jar. (opens to Patreon – you can join for free) As previously mentioned, quite often, I’m coming back to this creative life after a long period away. If you’ve read this far, know that your time is greatly appreciated.

Currently listening to: The Tales of KE Upton (Spotify playlist – which I know everyone is leaving, but it’s the best I can do with the resources I have at this time)

short post is short

First of all, I am a delight. Second, Mama by Genesis is a serious bop.

picture of spooky solar lights with a light trail

“Like an old gold-panning prospector, you must resign yourself to digging up a lot of sand from which you will later patiently wash out a few minute particles of gold ore.”
― Dorothy Bryant

Here we are in September – a gateway to the glorious months of Autumn (Northern Hemisphere). Summer has put on her soft slippers, grabbed a book, and is getting ready for 9 month long rest.

Now that I have this consistency thing down, and have tested the waters of Al’s Gorithms, it’s time to get into the nitty gritty of things.

photo of clouds

There are a lot of stories in my life that want to come meet y’all. Along with that, there are a lot of creative projects that float in and out of my brain on a daily basis. As far back as I can remember, this has been my standard manner of operation – everything from making potions to writing poetry to creating pictures. Something that I learned with my little experiment is that planning can be very, very helpful.

So is scheduling.

With that…today’s post is short, sweet, and simple. Y’all be good to each other out there.

Much love,
~ KEU

panacea of bridges

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, time is an enormous long river. (Thanks to Utah Phillips & Ani DiFranco)

bridge over the Ohio River in Louisville, KY

“And we all put into the river
And we let it go
And it flows away from us and away from us
Until it no longer has our name, our identity
It has its own utility and its own use
And people will take what they need and make it part of their lives”
– Utah Phillips, Bridges

Sometimes the fear of failing keeps us from moving forward with our dreams and goals. Our minds can make up hypothetical scenarios in a split second, creating an uneasy feeling of not being good enough. Marketing folks know this about humans, so they share items, remedies, and programs to help us feel more secure in our decisions – giving us the illusion of powerlessness in our ability to help ourselves.

Then there’s the noise of the dominant culture speaking to us in whispers about our inadequacy to understand our inner knowing. Or, more clearly stated, who benefits when we are afraid to cross a bridge from autonomy to authenticity.

sign that reads, "You are more than one thing at once."

A fear that followed me to adulthood is something called gephyrophobia – a deep seated anxiety about bridges. It’s not so much about getting to the other side, or worrying if trolls live under them, but more about the safety of transition. If you look at it from a metaphorical standpoint, it’s more like traversing the spaces between one point to another – whether that be emotions or not knowing what lies beneath.

For me the goal wasn’t to eliminate the fear of crossing to the other side, or completing this personal challenge, but leaning into the uncertainty of it all. The discomfort, the feeling of putting myself back out into the world, that’s a place every person has experienced. Our stories, collectively and individually, are about the courage to be ourselves. Honestly, I’ve been keeping a register on myself – so to speak – staying within a this odd safety zone. At the same time, I’m being authentic. Yeah, that’s a little oxymoronic to say – but it’s how I roll.

It’s just that I contain multitudes. Trying to get my whole self into one little box in hopes others like the part that I shared is making me feel claustrophobic, creating this self-imposed creative block that I’m finding difficult to understand. There’s this feeling that being an individual penalizes you on every platform. Don’t worry, I’m not about to give another treatise about the niche…well, not today at least. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there’s this bridge off in the distance, which will eventually need to be crossed, that has some really good stuff on the other side.

Now here’s the fun part…I’m going to take all y’all with me. There will be more stories about how the painting impacted my family, tales of growth, and lots of rambles.

While I would love to write more, the weather today is beyond amazing…and I think my camera would like to cross the threshold from my home to the forest.

Much love,
~ KEU

If you find value in my work, please consider dropping a few coins in my ko-fi cup. Thank you!

Currently listening to: The Tales of KE Upton (Spotify – you can click the link to see the songs, but are not required to listen)
Currently reading: Be Here Now by Ram Dass

21 days

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, “This is what you want, this is what you get.” – PIL

“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.”
― Amelia Earhart

There’s something very important I need to tell all y’all. Maybe it’s something you wanna read, or not – none of us knows how to feel when someone we barely know wants to share a vulnerable part of themselves.

First you get this feeling of having to decide. Is what this person is about to say gonna mess with your deeply seated beliefs, or will it be a moment of solidarity? Then there’s the training we’ve all received about what “real” “authenticity” looks like online. “Oh, this is just for the likes,” comes way too quickly to our frontal lobes when viewing media on our phones. It’s an emotional commitment to continue engaging after someone decides to share details about their life. After all, we are just human…

I have been terrified for the past 21 days during this time of consistent posting. Honestly, I have no idea what I’m doing…and I don’t really care to know. This is me finding my way back “home” after being really lost for 10 years. The Indigo Girls barely scratch the surface with the lyrics of going up mountains, and talking to “…Doctors of Philosophy.” You see I went to a lot more places, tried a lot more things, and learned way more than imagined about the nature of humanity. Some of these experiences were out of my control, with others being entirely my doing. As the cool kids say… No. Stone. Was. Left. Unturned.

Trust was an issue, as were boundaries. Doubt was a thing with teeth, waiting to remind me how weird I am. Honestly it felt like there were multiple timelines happening at once – this sort of weird quantum dance of uncertainty.

Nevertheless…I persisted. (pretty dramatic, ‘eh?)

It all could have been a mid-life crisis, or the thing that older women deal with that none of us are allowed to talk about. Compound that with the general state of life on Earth and a growing need for a mystical connection to my creativity, which created this sort of overwhelmingly self-absorbed need to finally figure out my path in life.

So, on August 1st of this year (2025), I decided to start posting on different platforms. Some of them I’ve never heard of, but the competing sites I joined had plenty of articles/posts on why my presence on the competitor’s site was a personal affront to all things good in the world. Perfect, sign me up – let me see what’s really going on here.

My report, so far, is that all the sites are driven to make money for themselves. Makes sense because it’s a business, and as a previous business owner, I, too, wanted to make money. At least 20% of the people that follow me are bots making AI, or humans pretending to be bots making AI. Another 20% just repost popular posts to get people to like the reposted post they posted. The 20% after that appear to be scammers. Either that or there really are a lot of doctors from other countries trying to come to a place where the wellness system is in a hot mess. That means around 60% of the people that follow me aren’t exactly who they claim to be.

Mixed in the remaining 40% are folks who are: 1) just trying to make it in this world; 2) a friend from high school that wants you to book a party from them; 3) a content creator; 4) trying to find sanctuary. Oh…but there’s this secret 5th thing…there is this beautiful oasis of actual people. You see their little kitchen, the piles of unfolded laundry on the couch, and hear real emotion in their voice.

Seeing those folks shine brightly like the Sun helped me be less insecure. They helped me see that we are all lost, and that we are all just trying to walk each other home. (hat tip to Ram Dass for that great line). None of us really know what we are doing, which is absolutely okay. The best you can do is just be kind. Love all, serve all. (another hat tip to Ram Dass) But most importantly, just be yourself. You know, shine that weird light so other weirdos can find you.

What started as a complicated journey of self-discovery ended as a revelation in being okay with who I am. This has been a huge lesson in courage. I’ve learned that the most powerful thing we can do in a world of algorithms and facades is to simply be ourselves. It is in our chaos, our doubts, and our quiet moments of humanity that we find a real connection.

But most importantly, our stories are important, and we should tell them. We are more than data, we are living entities taking the biggest trip ever. Our creativity is more than a niche – it contains multitudes.

Much love,
~ KEU

If you find value in my work, please consider dropping a few coins in my ko-fi cup. Thank you!

Currently listening to: The Tales of KE Upton (Spotify – you can click the link to see the songs, but are not required to listen)
Currently reading: Be Here Now by Ram Dass

no cars go/can’t buy happiness

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, I’m between the click of the light and the start of the dream.

Image of a woman standing among religious icons and craft supplies.

Apparently when you post selfies it raises your engagement. Here’s an old photo of me before getting rid of 90% of the items seen behind me.

“Everything is the way it is because we’ve all agreed that’s the way it is.”
― Charles de Lint, The Onion Girl

I’m no stranger to controversy.

image of a newspaper with an article about an independent magazine called the underground

Picture it - the year was 1992 - we were in a place of geopolitical instability (as it seemingly always has been) and I had a dream. After seeing a few local “alternative” papers in cities near Western Kentucky University, it seemed like a great idea to start my own. I mean…it really was a good idea, but also not well planned. There were only 3 issues of The Underground, but during its time in print there was kick back from a local politician, who was running for some kind of office. Apparently he didn’t appreciate the candid editorial about his platform. This prompted a very strongly worded letter from him with legal words that he seemed pretty confidant using. Sadly he didn’t know that my Dad was a top-notch attorney specializing in various aspects of law, so my letter back had only three sentences: “Thank you for your interest in The Underground. I am sad to say that nothing written in the issue you reference is slander, but would actually be libel. The piece is permissible under the laws of the U.S. Constitution.”

The years came and went; planets rotated in the cosmos. It was 2003 and the world was dealing with geopolitical instability (wait - is this a pattern?), and a rise in populism and/or nationalism (is there nothing new under the Sun?).
* side note - my delicious use of wild punctuation should prove to you that nothing I write is done by AI.

Legit question here - do y’all think any lessons were learned when I decided to start up some zines? As you can see, the title of the one on the right has been blocked out. Why? Well, because the internet has eyes. If you get nothing from what I write/share/etc., please understand this: your digital footprint is everywhere.

Yet again there was pushback from the words and images I shared. You see, I am no stranger to controversy…and everything I write about is true.

As expected, which now that I think about it…maybe my soul manifested it to happen, the posts I wrote about the painting were throttled on specific platforms that shall not be named. Another tidbit of info for you, especially if you are trying to corner the market on your work, is that sites will “censor” your work if you mention any of their competitors. Ask me how I know.

“We are all stories in the end, just make it a good one eh?”
― From the series Doctor Who (Matt Smith)

Honestly, y’all, I’m just out here trying to get my groove back. Things I write aren’t always dished out with a side of crankiness about things that don’t seem to be changing anytime soon. Marketing folks love a good niche, and they pay companies to promote their wares/goods/service that tailor to a specific demographic. Its just…I worry that we are all going to become one-sided automatons allowing the system to homogenize creativity. I’ve been this way since forever, which led me to my first declared major in college - journalism (which I took way too seriously). By the second week of class I was ready to write my first expose, but we were stuck learning how to write obits instead. When the next week rolled around, we got the, “If it bleeds it leads” talk, which made me extremely frustrated at whatever “journalism” this guy was teaching.

College was not living up to my expectations, which at 18 was a very precocious thing to think…I mean…it’s literally just another cog in the wheel of adulthood.

But I digress…

When the time came to work on our first article, the professor gave a lecture on how our writing should sound like PR. WHAT?!?!?! Journalism students needed to know about Public Relations? Why was this person telling me such things? The horror didn’t stop there, as he continued with statements like, “You will be making politicians look good,” and “Your work has to sell the paper.”

So here I am, many years later, realizing how much truth that professor spoke. However, which is a word I’m fond of that also proves, yet again, that a real human is at the helm, I’ve never really been interested in taking the safe road. My life is a testament to those who have brains that ramble, hands that create, and spirits that dance in the liminal spaces. Maybe I’ll never get a 27 figure book deal, or a prestigious award for my writing — but what will happen is that my life will never be boring.

There are just far too many stories to tell; way too many moments to capture.

I’m currently working on the next installment on the painting. Trying to fit several months of time into a few paragraphs is proving to be a little more difficult than anticipated. Plus, the typo fairies are low on cream and chocolate, which means they have sent the cats to help with my editing. Never a dull moment in my life…

Much love,
~ KEU

Currently listening to: The Tales of KB (my ever-changing writing playlist on Spotify
Currently reading: A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L’Engle

can you afford to be an individual

First of all, I am a delight. Second, “Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.” ― Thomas Merton , No Man Is an Island

crow standing in a field with sunbeams

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

On August 1st of this year (2025) a great removal started. 23 years of journals, art supplies, clothing, books, knick knacks, and the weight of other people’s opinions.

Something happens when you strip away all the things you thought you should be. Or, rather…all the things you thought would help people understand how you navigate the world. You see there’s a high cost to being authentic. Not the sound bite bull caca online, but the wild-eyed dance of knowing you’ve shenan’ed once…and will absolutely shenan again. It’s more like the gift/curse that comes with seeing everything in shades of grey – the neither/nor liminal walk into the unknown that we call being human.

In order to see what’s going on within yourself, you gotta step away from what I call non-conforming conformists. These are the folks that aren’t like anyone else except each other. You see this often in the repetition of viral posts/videos, where if it works for those folks it will work for you, too. Sometimes it does, but mostly it just puts you in a club of cool kids that enjoy the fruits of being popular. Honestly, I get it – there’s safety in numbers. We are hard wired for community, so it makes sense that we look for spaces to fit into with copycat behaviors.

This is what I was going for in yesterday’s post, until one of the cats decided that it needed some more work.

Sociology has been a great love of mine, but I never took it to the academic level – meaning it wasn’t one of my many possible degree programs in college. Where I finally landed was secondary education, English literature, and comparative religions/religious studies. Side note for ya – my credit hours would give me a doctorate level degree, but I decided to get married and have babies. Or, rather, the Universe decided that for me. By age 27 I’d taken my GPA from a 0.4 to a 4.0 – got the Golden Key stuff and even got an invitation to apply for a Rhodes Scholarship – but as we all know…life had other plans. *(Sadly I didn’t meet all the requirements to fill out the application, but it was nice to be considered.) Oh, and I’m short 12 credit hours from having my undergrad. If being a professional student was an actual thing, I’d be applying right now.

car full of items to be donate with a blow mold of mother Mary with child

Bewilderment
There are many guises for intelligence.
One part of you is gliding in a high windstream,
while your more ordinary notions
take little steps and peck at the ground.

Conventional knowledge is death to our souls,
and it is not really ours. It is laid on.
Yet we keep saying we find “rest” in these “beliefs.”

We must become ignorant of what we have been taught
and be instead bewildered.

Run from what is profitable and comfortable.
Distrust anyone who praises you.
Give your investment money, and the interest
on the capital, to those who are actually destitute.

Forget safety. Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.
I have tried prudent planning long enough.

From now on, I’ll be mad.
– Rumi

After years of walking around on social media (specifically the one with the big blue F), I started losing my ability to stand upright in my own skin. It happens to the best and strongest of us – so if you’re going through it just know that you’re not alone. It’s tough out there to be who you are.

Thing is, some folks are just born with a different set of colors in their palette. Sometimes it looks like a genetic health issue, bad parenting, socio-economic conditions, or a secret unknown thing. Heck, it could be all of the above, which is like winning the weirdo lottery where all the niches you could fill don’t have a place for you due to that “unknown” aura circling above your head.

One of the reasons I write, create, and generally engage in living life to the fullest, is to show others that it’s safe to be who they are – or who they want to be. While searching for someone to help me understand all the things, very few stepped up, so I learned how to do it myself. *(side note: this also happens for folks who grew up poor, learning how to survive and fix all the things on their own.)

And not just a few things, but literally all the things. When you do that, guess what you start to acquire? If you said 3 car loads worth of stuff, that would be the correct answer.

This is day 13, the luckiest one, of standing exactly where I want to be. As I’ve written previously, it’s a rebirth of sorts – or maybe something akin to what a Phoenix experiences. It’s a little scary, and it takes a lot of energy to walk the talk. My plan is to document all of this through words, images, and videos (yes, videos, please don’t come at me). The end result (fingers crossed) will be a nicely edited book. Heck, let’s just say the sky is the limit here and go for a movie deal.

Because, dear readers…everything I’m about to tell you is true.

Much love,
~ KEU

Currently listening to: A Perfect Circle (album: Thirteenth Step)
Currently reading: (well re-reading) The Cats of Tanglewood Forest by Charles de Lint

why I don’t watermark

First of all, I am a delight. Second, cats can be the harshest editors…

black and white photo of a gargoyle on a porch rail

So the title has nothing to do with today’s post, but my guess is that it made you look.

“For even the very wise cannot see all ends.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Also, one of the cats decided to take up editing. She highlighted some text, then sent it into the nebulous digital spaces that hold unseen content by tapping some keys. It seems the Universe had other ideas, so today you just get a “viral” hook, a small story about my cat, and a photo. Maybe tomorrow I’ll have a bit more brain capacity.

Much love,
~ KEU

Currently listening to: Yo La Tengo (album: There’s a Riot Going On)
Currently reading: (well re-reading) The Cats of Tanglewood Forest by Charles de Lint