“Let your acts of mercy be like a river, unending and overflowing.” – attributed to St. Nicholas of Myra
First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, everything I’m about to tell you is true.
Back in my Waldorf(ish) days, today was a huge deal when my oldest two were much younger than they are now. Meaning, when they were about 5 to 7, they would enjoy putting their shoes by the back door in hopes that St. Nick would fill them with sweets and gifts.
During that time we lived a purposefully austere life. Our table was low to the floor, with cushions for comfort and warmth. The precious gifts from St. Nick were made of natural materials, often crafted by my husband or myself, with some decadent candies from the “organic” section of the store. I have “organic” in quotes because the entry level meaning of that word has no ties to the advertising and fear-mongering that you see on social media…but that’s a post for another day…
When the younger two came along, we kept the tradition going, but with a taller table, chairs, and gift cards for online games. The treats were made by a factory, and came wrapped in non-recycled packaging. However, our home was still alive with simplicity, focusing more on the joy of being together than what items came from St. Nick. The goal with all of the kids was to provide presence and presents. Such fond memories…
However, the one thing that none of the kids enjoyed was the thought of a “right jolly old elf” trying to break into our home to leave gifts. St. Nick was okay, as he only dipped into the house and left gifts in shoes. Santa Claus, on the other hand, was not allowed to step foot in our house. Not only that, all of them didn’t like the way Santa dictated what was considered good or bad. During the holidays when strangers would ask any of them if they’ve been good/bad, each one would reply with the sentiment of not having their lives dictated by an all knowing dude who judge them for being who they are…and shouldn’t we all just be “good for goodness sake.”
And before anyone says, “Oh, you must have taught them that,” or “That’s what happens in that kind of parenting,” just know that all of them came out that way. Meaning they were born with a deep sense of compassion, empathy, and no b.s. from folks who wanted to tell them how to live or think.
That means that without the fear of some eternal damnation, or lack of holiday gifts, they knew that treating others the way they wished to be treated was a good way to get along in the world. Without any prompting from their parents, each one of them works tirelessly to help those around them – not worrying if they are “worthy” (i.e. good/bad) or not.
Sitting here at my desk my heart if full of all the times being a parent felt overwhelming. Not because of my own inner work and chaos, but that the world is often a little raw for those with tender hearts. While my husband and I may not have provided the season’s big gifts, or a lot of things under the tree, we did provide lots of love and acceptance. We knew that children are not here to be an extension of us, or to fulfill some dream/goal that we couldn’t get to ourselves. In fact, if you listen to kids more than demanding they fit into your roles of acceptance, there is much to learn.
Sometimes we make a lot of things harder for ourselves than it should be. I’m absolutely no stranger to that kind of thing, but as age comes along with its sidekick, Wisdom, walking in the world seems a little less intense…and it seems to be made more easy when helping others.
If the holidays are difficult for you, please let someone know. I know firsthand how hard it is to do that, because we often don’t like to admit that we are in a weak moment. Not to dance with this cliche, but sometimes things are hard – and that’s okay – but when it gets to be too much, that’s when we need to reach out. Over the next few weeks I’ll be listing free resources, as well as opening up a place for you to share what’s on your mind. Remember, you are a bright beam of light, and I see you over there shining like the Sun.
Much love,
~ KEU
* 36 days
Kim Upton 