writing – Kim Upton

shine brightly like the Sun

black and white photo of a battery operated candle on a kitchen countertop

“If everything around seems dark, look again, you may be the light.
― Rumi

First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, everything I’m about to tell you is true.
Third, this is a pic heavy post.
Lastly – there will be typos. As I’ve said before, this proves that AI wasn’t a part of this post.

This is a photo of a statue located at Bernheim Forest. At the base it says, “Let there be light” in English and Hebrew. A lot of folks don’t realize that the man who helped bring one of the most beautiful places in Kentucky to the world was Jewish. As you walk up to the overlook, there is a plaque that reads: “May light, the symbol of life and truth, illumine the paths of good citizenship and reason, and tolerance and fairness guide our relationship with our fellow men.” While I have quite a few photos of this area, this is one of my favorites. It’s like you gotta go through a bit of wildness to find light – and to really see how it (you/the world/everything) shines you gotta see both sides of life. If you wanna go a little deeper, this is absolutely giving a lot energy that says you are loved, and so are they.

The opening image, the wee candle amidst a see of kitchen counter items, is something Mr. The Mister and I purchased at Walmart over a year ago. On Hanukkah we added the batteries, flipped the switch, and let it be. It also happened to be Christmas – so we thought you know two birds are better than one. Always good to cover your bases. I mean it *was* just Yule, and other Northern Hemisphere celebrations for the return of the Sun, so we were for sure for sure (like for sure) giving all the belief/faith systems some love.

Sort of makes me think of this song by Jamiroquai…
“And I’m thinkin’ what a mess we’re in
Hard to know where to begin
If I could slip the sickly ties that earthly man has made
And now every mother can choose the colour
Of her child, that’s not nature’s way
Well, that’s what they said yesterday
There’s nothin’ left to do but pray
I think it’s time I found a new religion
Whoa, it’s so insane to synthesize another strain
There’s something in these futures that we have to be told”

Here’s where I’m gonna pull one of my world famous shifts, then pivots, because that’s how I do.

Some of you know the origin story of Mom’s Strange Magic – I’ve dabbled in sharing parts of it here and there, so there is no need to share it again. The takeaway I’d like to give you here is that it stems from what I call hillbilly mysticism, of which I would call myself a hillbilly mystic. Before the language police come after me, please know that my life makes me very qualified to use both of those words together. Grew up rural poor, studied faith systems, and believe that we come from the Earth and to Her we will return. Pretty soon you’ll hear more about these things, but today is not that day. All you need to know is that my work can easily be summed up as Mom’s strange magic. Also, I’m absolutely prepared for anyone who wants to tell me that magic is “evil” or sinful because they don’t understand the history of the word. Mom’s unusual theurgy just doesn’t have the same marketing *zing*…but anyway…

You see, my life has been a persistent walk between dichotomies. Or, as the Buddhists might say, the Universe seeks to place me in the Middle Way all the time. Yes…all…the…time. It’s like everything is a shad of grey between light and dark. My Anam Cara is my Shadow – a divine soul friend reminding me that the best way to live is to shine my weird little light for folks all of the time. And again, yes…all…the…time…

For a long time I did that without good boundaries. Let me just say that existing that way will make you lose your mind, forget your soul, and wear down your body. That’s not dramatic word wanderings, y’all – it’s just straight facts. It took me 54 years to figure out how to foster healthy borders around my life, but now that they exist they are metaphorically made of diamonds, titanium, and particles gifted to me from the Universe.

Lately the fam has been talking about how going through the very worst thing you can think of, and making it to the other side, gives you some deep perspective with a healthy dash of being prepared. Or, as the cheesy maxims on line say, “You have survived all of the bad days you’ve experienced so far.” (side note: as a spiritual director and wellness advocate, those kinds of phrases make me skin crawl a little…but you know – that’s a topic for another day)

So back to the returning of the light, the Sun, holy days, and my walk as a hillbilly mystic…

Here in a moment I’m gonna share a poem from my chap book, Blue Is The Color Of My Voice. (link takes you to Amazon, which will make some of you scream in horror, and I get it – really I do – but trying to get a publisher these days doesn’t happen unless you have 40 bajillion followers on all the “social” media platforms) You can get your own copy, and I’ll make a whopping 16 cents! Huzzah!

The above piece of art came with a used book I recently purchase (Living Buddha, Living Christ), and it was marking a page that had a heading that read: “Seeing the way, taking the path.” After a lot of reverse image searching, the only thing I could figure out about this design was that – 1) it was painted onto sycamore bark; 2) it is sometimes seen as a symbol for both the saint, and the goddess, Brigit/Brigid. Well now that’s just a fine how-do-you-do, because She is absolutely one of my faves. Not only that, She is seen as the patroness of healing, song, and art – like come on y’all…that’s some unusual theurgy right there. Years ago when I received a used copy of the Carmina Gadelica and there was one lone piece of dried Shepherd’s Purse – sometimes seen as a “sign” from Brigit that Spring is coming. The readings were 53, 54, and 55 – named Soul peace, The new moon, and Christmas hail.

Those Celtic Christians, akin to the Desert Mother’s and Father’s, knew about hillbilly mysticism. They lived in the spaces between the duality of nature and religion – seeing all of it as one body of the Divine. But this is only a mere light upon the surface of all the stuff in my noggin about such things. That means it is time to share my poem…

While writing this I’ve put a chicken in the crock pot, made some cinnamon rolls, messaged with some folks, talked to my husband, made breakfast for folks, and done a load of laundry. As you have read along you might be thinking, “Wow, this person really just has a lot of wild thoughts they put out into the world.” What’s beautiful about this is that yes…that’s exactly how it is. My life is full of being alive, and after years of trying to get the Greek chorus to stop telling me how to be, I decided that what was important for me was to show up as I am. If you and I were talking over a cup of tea/coffee, you would have my full attention. Over the past however-many-years I’ve had to keep one toe in a world that was not of my choosing…but one that had to be experienced. It’s gonna take me a little bit longer to figure out my way around this space (and online) until something settles. Plus, there are 54 years of stories all waiting their turn to be shared – making my thoughts, words, and ramblings look like that one drawer that we all have in our house.

Now let’s put all these things into my version of a stone soup post…

All of us are particles of light. Oddly, this is something that doesn’t cause a schism in the worlds of science and spirituality. There are a lot of institutions that don’t want you to remember your inner shininess because it benefits them not only financially, but because it gives them numbers for their “causes.” In all the world’s beliefs and faith systems we are gently led to find that divine spark within us – to hear the still small voice that reminds us that we are a node in the web of life. It also tells us that what others think of us is none of our business while holding our hands together in a reminder that all of us are connected. When we share love with others, we share love with ourselves, too. I’ve not met anyone that has all the answers, nor has there been anyone to have all the questions. But if you take a moment to stand between two opposites, beaming like the Sun, it might make your world a little brighter. We only get one shot in this physical plane, with time being an enormous long river – we would all get a little more peace if we just stopped for a hot minute to not make everything about just us. One day we will stuff off this mortal coil, and the edicts of those pillars will no longer have a hold on us. Best any of us can do is just walk our path, as best we can, while not throwing rocks in the steps of others.

Time to make some bread, start another load of laundry, and ponder the return of the Sun’s light here in the Northern Hemisphere…while stopping to say a little prayer for those who are about to enter a time of longer darkness…

Much love,
~ KEU

* 27 days

Don’t drive the karma bus

“Our karma is our mind. And the mind stands in the way of a clear view of God.” – Ram Dass

First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, everything I’m about to tell you is true.

There’s always a lot of chatter on the socials about how folks hope that karma works its magic. You know, like when someone cuts you off in traffic, you wanna see them have the same experience. What’s interesting about that, if you’ve read a few of the world’s faith systems, is that hoping someone else has bad karma after they wronged you creates negative karma for you. Not because there is some universal score-keeper, but more along the lines of your intentions of something wonky happening to those who have been wonky to you.

I’ve shared this story before, but it’s good to share again. Years ago I attended teaching given by a Buddhist monk. Every week someone would ask the same question: “Is it bad karma to give a homeless person money that you know they will most likely use for drugs?” The little monk would smile patiently, in broken English – “What is your intention in giving the money to the homeless person? Is it for harm or for good?” Every time the person would say something to the effect of “Oh, for good. For sure for good.” Again monk would nod, smile, and say, “Then it’s for good.” After that came the explanation that the homeless person was going to use that money for blah, blah, blah…and the monk would just smile and say, “Once it is out of your hands, and you are doing it for good, why should you let it bother you?”

There’s more on this topic, and I’ll get back to it soon…however the Sun is shining and I’m making a big Asian themed meal for dinner (which means a wee bit of extra prep). Plus, this morning I slept in until almost 3:30am, and it threw my schedule off a bit. I’ll be back tomorrow with some more rambling – until then know that you are loved, support, and I see you shining brightly as the Sun.

Much love,
~ KEU

*32 days

Alive and Dreaming

“Each of us is an artist of our days; the greater our integrity and awareness, the more original and creative our time will become.”
― John O’Donohue

First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, everything I’m about to tell you is true.

Currently my house smells like jalapeño cheese cornbread, there’s snow falling all around, and life feels pretty okay. Later I’ll whip up my version of chili macaroni – as well as some kind of sweet treat (hopefully).

Before I launch into today’s tale, I just wanna clarify something from yesterday’s post. Reading is always going to be a part of my life, along with books – it’s just that I’m in this cycle of seeking experience in my own life…rather than reading about it in a book. Here in a few weeks I’ll be sharing more about the little snippet (well, a decade…but who’s counting) of time where everything was not as I wanted it to be. Sometimes the Universe has plans for you that look like a bunch of wildness, until you view it in a different light. But don’t worry, I just put a few “cozy” mysteries on hold at my local library. Which, by the way, all y’all should be supporting libraries.

Next, in case I’ve not already given enough info on this – my ability to edit my own work isn’t from lack of trying. My brain gets ahead of me, and well…I know what I wrote. There will be typos. There is a typo faery that dwells in my space, and they really like to move things around after I hit send, publish, or what-have-you. This is a little digital drawing I made of it about 23 years ago.

Last item on the “to post” list is about my “about me” page here. It’s gonna be a work in progress as things move around into their (mostly) final form. It’s like trying on a new pair of shoes, then walking around the store for 20 minutes, to see if they are going to work. Thing is, sometimes you gotta take ’em home to give them the full test run. This is exactly what’s going on with my “bio” right now.

One of the cats keeps trying to type a message to y’all. She loves to sit in laps, so I’m the perfect candidate right now while at my work desk. Which, pulling from a paragraph above, some of my typos are feline driven. It’s just how life rolls around these parts.

While there are a lot of thoughts rolling around in my brain this morning, I think Nature herself is nudging me to spend some time offline today. Gonna load up something to play in the background, get out my glittery gel pens, and have a little creative fun.

Just know that you are loved and supported. I can see you over there shining brightly as the Sun. Also, here’s an old photo of Tootsie (the aforementioned cat) sitting on my lap as I’m working.

Much love,
~ KEU

* 33 days

This Week’s Books

“If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I am living for, in detail, ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for.”
― Thomas Merton

First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, everything I’m about to tell you is true.

I guess this is where I should tell you what book I’m reading this week, ‘eh?

Still Here by Ram Dass

That’s the book this week. Guess that’s all for those post…

But seriously…let me get comfy so I can get a good ramble on.

(also, yes these are short sentences, and no nothing artificial helped me write this post – it’s all natural)

Lemme start off with a question: why is reading used as a litmus test for things like being smart, educated, or wise? And maybe I should clarify a bit – reading books, not just reading in general.

A few weeks ago I was in a deep discussion about this very topic, especially how it relates to people who have autism, ADHD, or OCD (as well as others, but these were the main part of the focus). What made me dive in and look around was a passing statement on some website about how autistic persons are not able to learn due to the inability to read. It took me a moment to figure out why anyone in 2025 would put something like that out in public, but these days nothing surprises me.

See, the thing is, there are quite a lot of folks who have difficulty reading – not just ones with specific diagnosis codes. What we all need to remember is that reading is not an innate skill. You don’t just come Earthside with the ability to read the back of every cereal box. Recognizing patterns, yes – dissecting Shakespeare’s sonnet, no.

What is that quote about fish riding bicycles and test scores. I could Google it up, but right now there’s a ramble-flow, which is wonderful to experience in the early hours of the morning. Anyhootie…let me wander around a bit in this topic.

Reading was a huge part of my life, and when I was in my early teens my dream was to live into eternity in order to read all the world’s books. But I didn’t want to be a vampire – just immortal…when you’re 13 that sounds cool. At 54 you realize that even if you started now, and could live forever, it would be impossible to read all the books. But I digress…

After a wild month with some illnesses a few years ago, my feelings about reading shifted. I still love sitting with a book, my big cup of water, and a few cats around – but not as much. I tried audiobooks and reading on some kind of electronic device, but still…meh…reading was kind of – well – boring.

This didn’t mean when I opened a book my noggin said, “Hey, let’s do all these things,” nor did it mean the writing was bad. In fact, some of the best writing I’ve seen in some time is out floating in the world right now. It’s just…honestly this is going to sound kinda odd…but I was getting bored.

Let me pause here to tell you that when those list of “have you read this book” come out, I can check off a significant percentage of the titles. Not saying this to be all “look at me,” it’s just that I’ve loved reading since forever. Now? Not so much.

Also, the type of books I am enjoying now are nothing like what I’ve read before. It’s like my mind wants to know about real people that have done real things in a real world. This is interesting to me as a professional storyteller, because we live in the world of make believe – like come on…talking chickens…absolutely make believe (or is it – a good storyteller never reveals their secrets).

When I mentioned to someone in passing that interest in reading seems to be in a waning period, this funny look came over their face. “What do you mean? You are always reading a book, or referencing some book. Are you okay?” For a hot minute I had to think about it – was I, in fact, okay. Feeling around my head and face, there was no discernible fever or malaise. My thoughts were clear and my sight (with glasses) was good.

“Well, you see, it’s just that sometimes they make me get a little bored.”

As someone who spent like, I don’t know Over 40 years reading a lot of books, now that I’m 54 there’s this desire to be still, create, watch birds…and share my stories. And not the kind of sharing where I tell everyone about myself all of the time, but more like in the way one listens when speaking. It’s one of the tools in a storytellers bag of tricks. In fact, I dare say that to be a top-notch spinner of yarns, you must first master the art of hearing beyond the vibrations of sound.

I’ve enjoyed the tales of yonder, the mysteries of the hidden bijou, and felt my spine tingle with every page turned. Now…well, now I am on a little break. Still reading, but in a new and different way, with tomes that help me listen. And while the Greek chorus of social media might say otherwise (not that I care, but it’s a good little segue as I finish up this post), reading doesn’t make you a better person. It just means you are a person who gathers experiences in other ways. Just be you. Honestly, that’s what’s most important anyway.

With that, I’m signing off for the day. My brain decided to wake up me up at 2:20 am, which means it’s time for me to wander into the kitchen for a cup of coffee.

Much love,
~ KEU

* 34 days

Analog(ous) (Advent 2025)

“The journey is what brings us happiness not the destination.”
― Dan Millman

First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, everything I’m about to tell you is true.

One only has to travel a few posts back to see how my relationship with being online is tenuous, irresolute, and somewhat curmudgeonly. As someone born in the 1970s, I’ve watched technology go from talking wrist watches in Dick Tracy to wearing something similar that I’ve nicknamed Santa Claus (“it sees you when you’re sleeping, it knows when you’re awake…it knows if you’ve been bad or good…”).

When I was 17 my Mom sent me to buy cigarettes, which was not a huge deal…so I’d often buy some for myself and others. Same with beer and alcohol. Sure you were supposed to be 21 to get the intoxicating elixirs such as Boone’s Farm, or cherry vodka, but in reality if the owner knew your parents, and didn’t act fishy, it was pretty easy to get whatever your little teenage heart desired.

Sure, part of that is the benefit of living in a small fairly rural community, but I’ve heard stories from my peers about the same kinds of things. That and drinking from the garden hose, or remembering the ads telling our parents to make sure we were home. We weren’t the first to be called latch-key kids, but our plights made the evening news almost weekly.

In short we were feral – free to just experience life as dangerously as we wanted. I mean our parents literally tried stuffing as many people as they could in a phone booth, or *gasp* driving in cars without seatbelts. It was a great time to be alive.

Also, we didn’t have little devices tracking our every move, sending us deals on the soap we just purchased at the store, or allowing us to see half way around the world. Sure, we had MTV, CNN, and all that, but when we turned off the television it wasn’t tracking our sleep habits.

I’ve shared this before, but I think it needs to be posted once again. That quote in the middle is from me. I was working for WKU’s computer service department, and was there when the university was connected to Internet. Not “The Internet,” just Internet. Even better, I taught others how to use Internet, so we could all access the “…unlimited amount of knowledge out there.”

Later I would work for a local ISP where one of the customers sent quite a huge amount of “herbal supplement” emails out to folks. Or, as we call it now…spam email. It was glorious – the job not the spam – and for a few shot moments it felt like we (all of humanity) had the opportunity to truly be connected to each other. Wars could end, people could learn from each other, the dawning of the age of Aquarius had begun!

Not much after all this joy I read a book called Neuromancer by William Gibson, and started learning all I could about Artificial Intelligence. (those hyperlinks will take you to Wikipedia – which love it or hate it, is a great place for spending hours learning about everything you can)

So y’all know, I could really get super long form here with charts, more funny memes, and a lot of waxing existentially into “ah, those were the days,” but today is not that day. Not because I’m not up for a good yarn or two – mostly because I’ve been really enjoying the analog world these days. Before coming to wrap this post up I spent 10 minutes cracking up at the outdoor bird antics. I mean, you know, how do they have fun if no one is recording it? I kid, but also, I kid not.

In all of these words there a point, and it’s that time is short. It’s not my place to tell others what to do with their minutes each day, nor is it really any of my business. As I walk through some new stages in my life, some new perspectives have been gathered. If I can talk directly to someone instead of accessing them through their social media, that’s what I do. Also, it has been rather enjoyable to take little trips into town for coffee and a visit to the local library. Not everyone needs access to me 24/7 (other than family), nor do I need 24/7 access to everyone else.

It is okay to take time from being online. Sounds wild to say it in an online blog post, but maybe it is something you needed to hear today…especially from someone who was there when “Internet” went from text based to WYSIWYG. Which, honestly, is my admittance of using online social media sites for much longer than I needed. And…well…letting what those sites dictate my sense of well being and happiness.

In conclusion (said in my best high school term paper voice), time is an enormous long river, and I want to be more present in the feeling of the water stream over my feet. While I do have some projects in the works, I’ve made some very doable schedules that make room for watching a stream live instead of a live stream.

With that, I’m off to see what the birds are doing. Thanks for being here – I’m sending you tons of support and good energy.

Much love,
~ KEU

* 35 days

Left unattended in the full moon (Advent 2025)

Unicorn in a van saying no time to explain and someone talking to a woman asking if the full moon influences them. The reply is, a little.

“Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and the stars mirrored in your own being.” ― Rumi

“You saw the whole of the moon…” – The Waterboys

Mixed media art with a tarot card (The Moon)

First of all, I’m a delight.
Second, everything I’m about to tell you is true.

My Sun sign is Cancer, ruled by the Moon, emotions, and the sacral chakra (Svadhisthana). If I ain’t feeling it, there is a really high probability that it won’t happen. The only time my intuition isn’t spot on is when I’m not listening to it. This doesn’t mean I’m out here seeing the future for everyone, but that my internal navigation system knows where to take me even if my brain feels we should go another way.

And while all this might make you think, “Oh, yeah…well what am I thinking now,” my answer will always be something like this:
“Oh…my…it is bold of you to think all I do is read minds…”

Once the look of awe diminishes, the next part is where the person will be reminded that we are all intuitive. Full stop, no need to give any deeper explanation – we all have this ability.

(patiently waits for the “but science” folks to ponder this)

Okay, so you don’t have to go down TikTok rabbit holes, or run out to get a deck of oracle cards. Intuition, at its core, is just knowing. You can call it pattern recognition, proprioception, or mystical metaphysics. As you know, we are human animals. This means that we come from the elements around us, formed into a mammalian entity, and then sent off into the world through a door that will only open for us again when it is our time to leave this realm.

Have you ever watched a storm roll in while sitting in a forest? The critters use their (*gasp*) knowing to understand the changes in pressure and humidity. Also, they hear the sounds of nature off in the distance saying, “Hey…y’all, it’s about to storm,” so they find shelter. Or, if you are a robin, that means it’s time to get the worms rising to the surface.

But Kim, you’re thinking, we can read each other’s minds…

That is not what I’m talking about – that’s being psychic, not intuition. There’s a huge difference in the two. And, just for the record, you can be intuitive and not be psychic – because we are all intuitive.

Before you spend your hard earned dollars on some social media influencer’s program, let me give you the details on how to keep track of your intuition. Have I taught this in the past? Yes. Am I going to teach it again? Who knows…but for now let me give you the contents of the entire class in a few bullet points.

When you have a “feeling” about something, write it down with the time, date, and what was going on around you.
If that thing happens, put another note next to what you wrote with the time, date, and what was going on around you.
If that thing doesn’t happen, put another note next to what you wrote with the time, date, and what was going on around you.

Do this for as long as feels right, but honestly I’d do it for a few weeks to have significant data.

Here’s an example: “On 1/17/19 I had a feeling to take the backroads home after being out all day. Nothing was going on, and getting stuck in traffic wasn’t a huge worry. Just got that ‘feeling’ to take another way.” Sure enough, there was a wreck that would have delayed me much longer than a traffic jam. I go back to my little note and write: “Major accident on usual way home (1/17/19). Took back roads and had a great talk with the passenger riding with me.”

The amount of times a client has asked me if it’s weird to have experiences like the one above happened so many times that I made a printout for them to use. Before closing for the day, let me say a few words…

Intuition does not go against and Divine Being (of your choosing) or faith system. Intuition is not at odds with the art of science – because good gods how do you think we have the things we do now? Intuition is helpful, not evil, bad, wrong, or what have you. Intuition is often deeply personal, and doesn’t always apply to others in your life. (plus, that would need to be a whole other post)

A dear friend of mine gave me this mantra/prayer many years ago, and it’s something that I say when the Moon is very full, and again when it is very New – “Let the Light shine. Let All be revealed.” Feel free to use this in your own daily practice, or when you think about it. I find that it is helpful when my brain is full of squirrels, cobwebs, or both. May this Full Moon in Gemini shine its light upon you, revealing what it is you most need to know.

Most importantly, listen to your intuition.

Much love,
~ KEU

* 37 days

No, Sis/Gnosis (Advent 2025)

“A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen

Gnosis – (noun): Knowledge of spiritual mysteries and boundaries.
No, Sis – Informal and friendly way of respectfully saying no; refers to boundaries of accepting the actions of others.

“Just as it is impossible to be at the same moment both a plant and a seed, so it is impossible for us to be surrounded by worldly honour and at the same time to bear heavenly fruit.” – attributed to Mother (Amma) Syncletica

Right now I’m literally soul deep in the mystic wisdom sharings of the Desert Mothers and Fathers. As someone that really aligns with the archetype of the Hermit, but also enjoys the esoteric dance of the Hierophant, the place of stillness offered by these ascetics challenging the status quo of the established Roman religion (aka The Holy Roman Catholic Church) feels like going home. While I might not be good at fasting, and often run around pondering instead of praying, the messages these folks shared with the world help me be a better person.

No matter who, what, where, or how we believe, be it science or spirit, the one thing that is absolutely certain is that we are all connected. What we do for ourself we also do for others, and for the greater whole. While listening to a talk by Ram Dass he talks a little bit about this, sharing what he learned in the vein of I can do nothing for you except heal myself. And, yes, we could all split hairs with this statement – goodness knows I have – but the core of it is that we are dynamic microcosms dancing around in the greater macrocosm.

Sometimes we just have to be still and know. The greater culture wants us to keep our little devices with us at all times, or to constantly be working toward some goal – but friends, even Nature takes a break from time to time. And being that we are from the natural world, that means we get time to renew, reflect, and replenish…

This week started off with no internet, then snow, and now the cold. It’s almost as if the world around me also needed a hot minute to figure some things out.

Let me also put this out there – I’m not a huge fan of the whole dogma and spiritual commercialism that has arisen from the “self care” movement. What I see is a lot of expensive things that exclude those that need rest the most. Some folks just don’t have the ability to sit in a bathtub full of flowers while reading a book and enjoying a glass of wine. While good for the socials, it’s not a reality that the world around us experiences. It also doesn’t mean you have to sit alone at an ashram waiting for a guru to give you a mantra. Although that’s cool, sometimes all you have time for is to sit alone in the bathroom.

There’s a lot more I could ramble on about, but I’ve got a full day ahead of me…and these chores won’t take care of themselves.

Much love to all y’all,
~ KEU

* 38 days

sometimes you need a break(down)

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, well…it’s all below.

photo of a rose — This photo is protected by the fey. Steal at your own risk.

Happy Tuesday — we’ve all crossed through the New Moon, the eclipse, the changing of the seasons, and today the Sun moves into Libra. This is a long post, and I’ve been sitting with this for like a week in my drafts folder. Today I added some things to it.

In full honesty, I’ve done my best to steer clear of the news and the Greek chorus chiming in to tell us all that we are either on the right side or the wrong side — and that who we are, what we are becoming, and how we live is not how it should be. Honestly, all the “teams” want it to be their way, and to feel like it’s okay to put down those not like us. We declare others as the enemy, but fail to look behind the curtain to see who benefits from making us fight each other.

With this, I have no idea how to engage with folks — especially when they want me to dislike the same people they do. Since I’ve never really “fit in” to any group, this gives me an interesting perspective on what is happening.

This sends me back to teachings when I was younger, elders who reminded me that when the elephants fight it is also the grass that suffers. I think of the days growing up in the poorest county in Indiana listening to the old farmers talk about how they aren’t so sure these so-called helpful agencies have their best interest at heart. Kids that went to my school had their only meals in the cafeteria, and on weekends they went without.

Some of the smartest people I knew graduated in 8th grade because they had to go to work to support their family. Healthcare was a tincture or a tea, a meal from the local church, or a Psalm prayed over someone in need. While I may have seen these things through the eyes of a child, with a bit of idealism, there was the other side of the coin happening as well.

Because my family was Catholic, I was told that I would never, not ever, get to Heaven. Since my sister’s Dad had a “paper education,” (a Masters degree) we got called names at the feed store while picking up food for our livestock. My quirky nature and “sensitivity” was laughed at when I would get on the bus and cry because my socks felt weird on my feet. My best friends were the trees and wind, which also brought severe teasing by students in my school. In a middle school English class I was berated by the teacher because my paper for the topic she assigned upset her. We had to pick a sense to live without — mine was touch, which triggered some screed about being paralyzed. She did this in front of the class, and her words followed me until I graduated.

This is not just my story, as others have faced these challenges as well. And, sadly, there are folks dealing with the same kind of treatment right now — and this makes my heart very heavy.

It is no secret to anyone that deeply knows me well that relationships have often been difficult for me. Trying to explain why, or hoping that others would understand, just made it harder for me to feel comfortable in my own skin. It was never to get validation, or to be seen as something more than I am, but to share the more nuanced parts of myself. Or, in other words, it was just getting tiring to be high masking, making others comfortable so that I could feel like I had belonging.

When I was first introduced to the land of the internet, it was amazing — and I found others who wanted to info dump, felt out of place, or were walking through the land of authenticity to the best of their ability. It was such a wonderful place…until it wasn’t. When my family an I were hit with a metric ton of stress a few years ago, in need of help to a degree that we couldn’t really talk about openly, those who were once “friends” changed dramatically, saying things to me that I couldn’t believe. COVID made it worse, and to be real here…it showed me who a lot of people really were.

Now we, collectively as a human species, are in this space of deep transformation and change. We want to be right, and we want to be included in the groups of other people who are also right. Then we decide the best thing to do is fling poo at the other side, and say horrible things about them while talking about how righteous we are.

The thing is — and this will most likely be on my tombstone — we are all connected. For those who love science, but say they are better than everyone else, that means overlooking the wealth of papers written on…you guessed it…the intricate way all things in the Universe are connected. For those who love spirit, but say they are better than everyone else, that means overlooking the mystics of all faith systems that say…yep, here we go again…that we are all one in the spirit of being connected.

None of us have all the answers, and in the words of a loosely translated change maker, let those without bad deeds be the first to cast a stone (in a glass house…).

Now that I’ve lived through several raptures, many end of days, countries in chaos, people being mean to each other, and my own sets of breakdowns — all I can say is this: whether it’s the first day of the apocalypse, or the first day of peace, my work is to love all and serve all; to tell the truth and love everyone (with the caveat of having really, really good boundaries).

If you want to change the world, see yourself in the other. None of us are free when any are oppressed. Life is too short for making everything all about yourself — because none of us are immune to Lady Death, as She will come for us all. When you pass over the River Styx, into the halls of your Ancestors, or walk up to the pearly gates, or just go back to the Earth, what do you hope to leave behind?

One of my favorite sayings from Mr. Rogers is about how if you can’t find a helper, be a helper. Every single one of is struggling right now — no matter our demographic, culture, lifestyle, or beliefs. You can stand up, and stand with, others without being a jerk or passing blame.

At times like this I think of a dear friend of mine in college who was afraid to come out to their parents, so they asked me to present as their date to a family event. Something they said has always stuck with me: “I don’t want an ally in all of this, because people can easily say they are on my side. What I, and those like me, need is an advocate. Someone that is not afraid to stand together for those who need a shoulder to lean on. Words fade, but support lasts forever.”

And where do I stand, you might be asking…well I stand with love, and true inclusion. My family literally spans the spectrum of all the things, as do those they/we have in their/our communities. The only thing we don’t welcome, and have made healthy boundaries for, is hatred.

Sending lots of love to all y’all,
~KEU

40 days

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, “Allt virðist vera breytt” (hat tip to Sigur Ros)

photo of the view from a canopy tree walk 75 feet above the forest floor which is located in an area that reaches around 900 feet above sea level

“When you go out into the woods, and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree.

The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying ‘You are too this, or I’m too this.’ That judgment mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.”
― Ram Dass

Here’s the moment of truth that the 4 people that like my posts have been looking forward to – I joke, because the amount of followers/likes/shares/comments/whatever we think makes us more real online, doesn’t really matter. None of this is real anyway, which means I’m just out here having fun and collecting data. Also, I’m literally a hillbilly/redneck Snow White that doesn’t wear shoes, feeds literally any human or animal that comes my way, and I don’t take kindly to folks picking on others.

For 40 days I’ve been out here, as the young’uns say, “wilding.” The main goal was consistency, because let’s be honest due to circumstances beyond my control my life looked a bit wonky to those who were only peeking at it via social media. But I digress…

So, yeah, along with posting on one, or more, social media platforms consistently I’ve learned way more than anticipated. Here are some bullet points.

Substack has a nickname around the other sites that sounds like the letter S, then saying that letter again. At first I wasn’t really sure what folks were talking about, as all I could see was tons (and I mean tons) of AI generated content. And it isn’t even good content, which is sad. There is also a wave of folks monetizing their exclusive content there while screaming from a burning building about how no one makes real content anymore (oh, and that whole double letter thing under the guise of people who care). -300/10
Bluesky is fun if you want to talk about how bad X/Twitter is. It’s fun to see a lot of re-posts and bots share the hard work of others and get a ton of replies while the original creator gets none. 2/10
Medium is just that, medium. I’ve found some really great long form authors there, but it kind of lacks the “social” aspect that I miss about the old days of LiveJournal. The plus is that the monthly fee is pretty reasonable, and you don’t have to have 622 different subscription plans to read folks you follow. 5/10
Meta is, y’all – it’s a thing that gets talked about more than anything else online. People really do love to hate on Zuck while using his platform for free where all users are content. It’s kind of a wasteland that I visit from time to time, then I realize I’m clinging to the wrong lifeboat. 0/10 (but y’all know none of us can really leave – it’s the Hotel California of social media)
YouTube is winning so far with the content and ability to find cool things to learn. It’s kind of always been that way, which is nice. I’ve heard rumblings and complaints from a few content creators, but as we all know there’s not a lot of money in that particular career. 7/10
TikTok, which may or may not be banned or whatever, has not really changed since it came out. Lots of folks trying to hit it big with their stories – which I so understand because here I am working on some of the same things. Not a huge fan of the way they do their algorithms to foment discontent, but with some work you can see all the cute animal videos and none of the “rage bait” stuff. 6/10
The lesser knowns such as Mastodon, the various pixelfed stuffs, Tumblr, and so on have been really fun to check out. Well, not so much Tumblr because it’s kind of like one big ad now (as all sites like are doing). Through those sites I’ve “met” (you know, virtually) quite a few really awesome people doing some freaking amazing creative work. Also, their take on spirituality has been less about “if this comes across your feed,” and more about “how can we all not be huge douche canoes to each other.” Also, those creators are pretty tight in their research, and you’ll not see a whole lot of “this is what *they* don’t want you to know” content. 8/10
WordPress – well, I gotta say for all the grumblings about it out in the greater cyber-verse, it’s been the most solid and robust platform I’ve used. And while it may seem as if I’m saying this for some kind of cred, please know that this is also posted on Medium, so…yeah. 8/10
Ko-fi is just mid. Not even gonna get into the details, because it’s just, I don’t know, hard to use and understand. 2/10
Patreon looks to be pretty awesome, and it’s pretty user friendly for me. 8/10
Real life is the most enjoyable experience. Yesterday I talked to some trees and met a giant tin man. There were others doing the same, and we had friendly conversations with each other. I took photos, and then had some snacks while watching a lake move slowly. Later some family members and I visited this place that sells all kinds of things, luring you to buy more than what you need, but we successfully navigated the siren song of consumerism. While there we also talked to others like us, humans, and delighted in the beautiful day. 100/10

While this is a little tongue in cheek, my reviews are spot on. But what’s really important to know in all of this is something that wasn’t anticipated – and y’all it’s huge.

In all that I realized that the ability to be truly authentic was harder than it looks.

Lemme say that again, but in a different way. None of us are immune to the call of being popular.

I’ll let Nothing But Thieves say it for me:
“And now we’re breeding a feeling of animosity
Our thoughts are tribal, go viral and now it’s deafening
Oh how we’re loving the comfort of pack mentality
The internet has teeth and
It eats and eats and eats ya”
– Can You Afford To Be An Individual
(side note – you might this song is about everyone else, but it’s about all of us)

Tomorrow, 9/10/25, I’m starting yet another personal challenge to post short form video content. There might be some longer stuff, too, and of course I’ll still be writing/creating in the analog world as well. Of course my findings will be shared here, as well as other places, so we can all learn something new together.

And now it’s time to get some work done. I hope all y’all have the most beautifully wonderful day ever. Keep shining your weird light so other weirdos can find you. Or, just shine your light – don’t let the Greek chorus get ya down.

Much love,
~ KEU

This post was written with the help of friendly cats and typo fairies. Please excuse all grammar errors as flights of fancy. If you would like to help appease my editors, you can drop a few coins into my coffee jar. (opens to Patreon – you can join for free) As previously mentioned, quite often, I’m coming back to this creative life after a long period away. If you’ve read this far, know that your time is greatly appreciated.

Currently listening to: The Tales of KE Upton (Spotify playlist – which I know everyone is leaving, but it’s the best I can do with the resources I have at this time)

creativity after chaos

First of all, I’m a delight. Second, I hope you see the whole of the Moon. (hat tip to Mike Scott and The Waterboys)

This is going to be a pic heavy post, so get yourself ready…

article from Today's Woman in Louisville, KY from 2005

Honestly, I don’t know where to start with this, but the Moon is full, and I’ve been left unattended. Also, I’ve been trying to write this post for about 4 months, and my brain needs to let it out into the world – just done holding onto it for reasons that make sense only to me.

But first…a wee little pic of a full Moon from my archives. If you wanna know all the deets, here they are – shot on an iPhone (12) with the aid of a telescope. Also, you should know that this beautiful jocular orb is a big deal in my astrology chart. I’m all watery in the cosmos, letting my intuition and emotions shine a light on the parts of me that need it most. Which, and this is foreshadowing, got me through 2023. Well, and the years before that, but for today let’s just focus on one particular timeframe. That will keep the squirrels in my noggin happy. Remember, I warned you this is gonna be pic heavy…

It all started with a quadruple hit of viruses. Please feel free to hit up Google scholar, or your favorite medical database to see how this can happen. While I do have some genetic anomalies that make life interesting, my immune system is not too shabby. So, yeah, Spring-ish of 2023 the Universe decided to give me some lessons. But first, here’s a digital piece I created before all the shenanigans began.

digital art of a full moon reflecting on a mountain lake

While it would be easy for me to turn this into some kind of soliloquy and/or monologue – which I mean it is my site and all – it is important for me to stay on track. Let’s see if that actually happens.

In life there have been health challenges that gave me a run for my money, but nothing was as debilitating as what happened in 2023. I was deathly ill for two weeks, and mostly ill for a month. It was so bad that for 3 days in a row it was my fondest wish to take a “nap” for a really, really long time. My dreams were tactile and full of information, taking me to places no one had business visiting. Fevers are wild, y’all, and they do things to your noggin that can take years to heal…especially if you have a TBI from 8th grade. And, you know, that TBI happened in art class (my fave after literature and history), taking my sight for 24 hours and leaving me with this whole thing around creativity. That’s a story for another day, but y’all need to know about it because of what lies ahead…

Gotta admit, this is not one of my most favorite photos, but I was hugely pregnant, and the lighting was not-so-great. Side note, my dear sweet sweetie (you’ll see him below) build that marble maze toy. That man is a woodworker/carpenter/human extraordinaire.

When things got back to normal-ish, things in my system were not as they once were. I couldn’t sit for long periods of time, my ability to create was hampered by headaches that brought mind wandering, and nothing was working the way it needed to for my general happiness/well being. It sucked. People got mad at me because plans had to be cancelled, I gave up my thriving practice, and my moods were solemn. It was not a lot of fun.

They July came, my birthday in fact, and my dear sweet sweetie got shingles.

Yes, I’m wearing some kind of Halloween shirt in this photo – because for me everyday is Halloween…

This is Mr. The Mister and myself hanging out in our home. My oldest, by one minute, took this with her delightful Polaroid. If you can’t tell, our faces are saying, “Holy sh*t, we made it through 2023.” Those wee little zosters tried to take down my very best friend in all of time and space. In some kind of bizarre parallel, he spent 3 full days laying on the couch while I hovered over him doing all the incantations, prayers, and magic my recovering body could muster. We both have scars from that precarious time.

Then came Chicago… (see, this is a whole story that should be told in parts, and that will most likely happen that way, but for today you get the whole buffet)

Now this one will have it’s own post eventually, but the big takeaways are that: 1) I had a whole spiritual experience on the L; 2) I got to see the artwork of Remedios Varo up close and personal. Like this one…Creation of The Birds.

a photo of Creation of Birds by Remedios Varo

I mean the trip was a whole thing, and it was healing for me in so many ways. Everything just felt alive with hope and joy.

But wait…there’s more…

Not long after this Great Awakening, the best dog in the whole world (so much so that there would be no other dogs as good as he was) passed away. It was a blessing to sit with him during his last 12 hours. When my husband got home so we could take him to the vet, Frodo (yep, that’s the name he came with) stood up and gave a happy greeting. My training as an End Of Life Specialist aka a Death Doula (of which I will write more about later) helped me process what was going on around this beloved being with four paws. My husband, dear Mr. This Mister, was with Frodo in his last minutes because I couldn’t get out of the car due to the intense weeping and wailing. My soul was broken, and I screamed to anyone who could hear me, that this was, in fact, the absolutely worst year ever.

By the end of 2023 my circuits were fried. People were mad at me, I’d given up on what I love, my career had tanked, and I was desperately fighting to find my way out of a maze of emotions. Al of this was the tip of the iceberg, really, because 2024 came with a new job for Mr. The Mister, the end of a decade long trek in the modern U.S. health system with my youngest, another trip to Chicago, more people being upset with me, boundaries being crossed, and holy effing sh*t – would it never end?

2025 started out a little better. My ability to do things, after two years of working hard to recover from the virapocalypse, was returning. There are some things that still are difficult, like driving, but nevertheless…I persisted. Good stuff was coming my way, like being a part of the design team for Crafty Lisa’s Vintage, my family and a dear friend sharing their support for my ideas, and life presenting an opportunity for me to stand my ground.

And then I remembered these things… (see pics below)

And…this…that still has plenty of story time left to share.

painting of a unicorn with a magazine cover with JFK on the front

For the past 38 days I’ve been consistently creating from the chaos that was the last decade. The point in sharing all of this isn’t for some kind of weird internet fame, or whatever it is that makes Al’s Gorithms and the Bots happy, but for anyone who has been going through tough stuff. Sometimes it takes as long as it takes, and life isn’t always giving us golden tickets of grace and ease. Along with that my hope is that those who are in a similar resource situation as my family will know they are not alone. Healing isn’t something everyone has access to, and I fully understand that creativity is a luxury for many.

Every day is an exercise in trusting that the Universe knows what’s up – and being absolutely grateful for everything that has happened. What I’ve learned is that this is not the time to hide your light under a basket, and that shining your weird light for others isn’t just a beacon…but more like a bridge of mirrors. Being who you truly are reflects into the hearts/souls of those around you. Life is just a blip in the cosmic timeline. Remember, we were made from creativity, an explosion of spirit/science (or whatever your belief system(s) might be), so all the ways we live are some aspect of that which made us. Or, better worded, we are the creators we’ve been waiting for…

Phew…alright y’all, it is a glorious day here, and I’m gonna park myself on the porch to practice my drawing skills. Know that you are loved, supported, and I see you over there shining brightly as the Sun.

To be continued…

Much love,
~ KEU

This post was written with the help of friendly cats and typo fairies. Please excuse all grammar errors as flights of fancy. If you would like to help appease my editors, you can drop a few coins into my coffee jar. As previously mentioned, quite often, I’m coming back to this creative life after a long period away. If you’ve read this far, know that your time is greatly appreciated.

Currently listening to: The Tales of KE Upton (Spotify playlist – which I know everyone is leaving, but it’s the best I can do with the resources I have at this time)